Undoubtedly Clever

Aries: Apply economics directly to the afflicted area.

Taurus: If advice is unasked for but you want to chime in anyway, make sure what you say is short and sweet.

Gemini: Something with six different kinds of tales is trying to sell you some commemorative spoons. Do not buy them. They are overpriced and poorly made.

Cancer: Speed up the changes in your life by slurping up your laptop power converter like a noodle.

Leo: Looking to learn more about your environment? Close your eyes and navigate the smellscape.

Virgo: People who are only trying to help cause a good 40% of all problems.

Libra: Before you move, ask yourself. Is there enough space? Are you welcome? If yes, you go and crouch in that hole.

Scorpio: Your skill at tetherball will come in handy when someone attacks you with a grenade on a long string. 

Ophiuchus: Your desire to carry the burdens of others, while noble, is the sort of thing that can be self defeating. 

Sagittarius: Keep your distance from the current emotional turmoil in your life. An emotional trebuchet may be necessary. 

Capricorn: The position of mercury says you should wiggle a bit.

Aquarius: Remember that at its heart, life is mostly just rearranging a bunch of fluids. At least one of them is pepsi.

Aries: The space between two mountains in the distance. The sky looks different. You can hear the beating of colossal wings.

Taurus: The fault line. A cliff where there was a field two weeks prior. The soil concealed a plate of polished black stone.

Gemini: The sudden sense that the bathroom rug is covering a hole. Stepping on it would cause you to fall into the pit. You cant seem to take your eye off it.

Cancer: Now entering a town with a four digit population. The gas station is adorned with thousands of wind chimes. There is no wind.

Leo: An overgrown cemetery. Its significance is lost to time. Paupers and kings feeding the roots of young trees. 

Virgo: The sky outside is grey. The window is fogged up with rain. Light and shapes dance in the blurry patterns.

Libra: The space behind the desks at the public library. A tiny place of dust and lost pens, yet it seems so far away.

Scorpio: A statue holds a lantern over the path. Its features are rough and weathered. The lamp is still bright.

Ophiuchus: A log fallen over a river. It absolutely feels like a trap. 

Sagittarius: The staircase overlooking the ballroom. Colors feel brighter, hazier, as you move down.

Capricorn: The deepest room of an old aluminum refinery. The great steel heart. You feel bigger here somehow.

Aquarius: A colossal grey boulder now cracked open like an egg. It reveals the glittering geode inside. 

me, literally every time:

the director has a quest for you! (please don’t ask her about dogs anymore)

- TRASH BLESSINGS -

A series of pieces based off of common urban fauna with the aim of reminding people of traits in them we could all do well emulating sometimes, and celebrating the ability of nature to carve out a place in any environment.

Interested in seeing these on patches or pins? Please send me a message! If there’s enough interest, I’ll look into the cost of having them made.

—An entire town of Tom Bodetts

—Hand stank

—Everything about Jenkins’ introduction

—The Brief but Horrible Scottish Accent of Merle Highchurch

—“Sorry guys I had a really bad initiative roll”

—Graham the Juicy Wizard

—That moment where Magnus actually very nearly died because no one cared yet if one of them had to roll a new character so he just threw himself off a train

Aries: Today the power will go out and you will meet a horse assembled from pieces of other dead horses. His name is Ears and his favorite food is bagels.

Taurus: If you are going to mope, do it in a clocktower. Anybody can mope in a bed, you have the unique opportunity to mope in a clocktower.

Gemini: Rats are chatty if you know how to listen.

Cancer: Careful not to become consumed by the things you struggle with, it is easy to mistake the work for the reward.

Leo: Protect it with your life. Protect it so hard it is etched into your mind and even if you lose it youll still shamble about protecting it.

Virgo: The worst is yet to come. The best is yet to come. Don’t get too attached to your current skin.

Libra: No doors are locked for a white person with a clip board. If you cant provide either of these a confident walk can do wonders.

Scorpio: Skill is less valuable than people like to imagine it is. Its all a matter of legally owning the right people.

Ophiuchus: You’re bleeding.

Sagittarius: You arent lost youre alive. Growth can only happen outside your comfort zone.

Capricorn: You will have a unique opportunity to become an art thief this weekend.

Aquarius: Your prayer for inspiration will be answered in the form of making the best damn sandwich youve ever made. Cheers to getting around the wrong art block.