Shitpost Deathroll

scientists are experimenting on cross-breeding a crab and a cheetah; things could go sideways real fast

tumblr is like an abandoned space station & you all are the thing in the vents

(To the tune of Rasputin): BLEH BLEH DRACULA, KING OF TRANSYLVANIA, HE IS A BAT AND ALSO A MAN

Man and beast should absolutely fuse into one perfect being

explosion at health potion factory 0 dead 0 injured

I think Odysseus is the guy everyone else makes talk to the cops when they show up to bust the party.

I think he could do a really good “Hello officer, how are you?” if he had to.

Athena is standing behind him whispering the bylaws into his ear.

hold on i need to look this up

it’s been 15 minutes have you finished reading the Odyssey yet?

phone somehow autocorrected "the joker" to "the worker." why so devoid of class consciousness, batman

Darlings I can't help but feel I've blown a shot at greatness

i HATE when a character has no last name. just boils my blood. how am i supposed to tag them on tumbler.com

Just go the Sans Undertale route

did you know? some primates have been observed to exhibit "blogging" behavior

who tagged this with "unreality". this is just a fact. a primate wrote this post

the other day a friend of a friend referred to "busting out of your abdomen like the alien from the Predator films" and I was completely caught off guard. like I guess that's - that's not wrong. the alien was. okay she was in the Predator films. well some of them. but like. she had her own. she's the alien from the Alien films. like. they have her name on them. he's not "King Kong from the Godzilla films"

there's also a reason it's not called an "abdomenburster" but one issue at a time

it's like when headlines refer to a famous woman via her husband. that's not "Predator's wife" she's got her own franchise!!

not to be a debbie downer but if you buy cosmetic surgery for your dog you are going to super-hell

my boss's trans lesbian daughter gave me really gross Chinese liquor

great mnemonic for the names of the planets

Mercury Benus Tearth Lars Dupiter Gaturn Muranus Reptune uhhhhhhh Gluto Ceris Lakemake