What hath science wrought?!

When u hear your friend john talking shit about someone but you’re in church so you tell him to tone it down:

i'm sorry i didn't respond to your DM for 23 days. the number on the notification icon got really big and i began having irrational anxious thoughts such as "what if people are in there trying to contact me"

good morning to the beaten and the damned only

and the winner of superwholock is officially??? no one. we all lost. congrats team

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

evil One Direction: bitch you fuck up my world like nobody else

You have turned this glory hole into a hole of dishonor and you must leave immediately

i could not eat a dozen fried eggs and would never want to do so. but i almost certainly could accidentally eat a dozen deviled eggs if i was at a party or perhaps a picnic and they were there. they are a highly dangerous food item in this way

The devil's greatest trick was convincing the world he doesn't exist. His second greatest trick was that egg thing hoo boy those are good

I think it's really funny how the practice of bleeping out profanity is not only completely ineffective as a censorship tool, it's had the opposite effect of creating an environment where it's ridiculously easy to edit apparent profanity into footage that doesn't actually contain it. Like you can just grab any audio or video clip and bleep out anything and people will automatically mentally insert profanity in there it fucking rules.

all these excellent books come from some random penguins house?

*shagcula voice* it vasn't me