aye im here

why come they called him “beast” in the castle when everyone knew his name cuz they’d been working for him forever anyway? like …. i would just be like “hey chewbacca-Adam” or some shit, there’s no reason to call him beast … id hide in my room all day too if my employees started making fun of me..

If my manager decided to pull some rude ass shit with a witch and got me living the next ten years of my life as an immortal singing toaster oven you can bet your ass I’d wake him up every goddamn morning with a flaming panini directly to the face. rise and shine, you ugly fuck, time hear a song

I call this one, “ode to an inconsiderate pissbaby” and the first 9 verses are just me screaming at various decibels

I wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on

“Forgive me Father for I have sinned” and “Sorry Daddy I’ve been bad” both mean very similar things but have wildly different connotations

How do I delete someone else’s post

The definition of a scammer!!!

SHE DID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My parents have been married thirty six years and my dad had to work a few hours early this morning (he refs hs football for extra cash), while he was gone my mom went to Dunkin Donuts to get breakfast and bought him his favorite muffin to surprise him when he came home and when he did it was with her favorite muffin from Dunkin Donuts and you know what I’m so not interested in all the cynical bs about love and marriage being fake like if that’s not some romantic shit right there idk what is.

That’s so sweet ohmygosh