Don't forget to breathe

it’s yeet or be yeeten on this goddamn bitch of an earth

Holy shit this may actually work

Customers who get angry when I read them their total cost are so compelling to me. Take charge of your narrative, Janice. Be the hero of your own story. You are the one who is purchasing $113.67 worth of adult zen coloring books, Janice. It’s not me you hate, Janice. It’s not me.

me: im gonna go to bed early and get a good nights sleep netflix: here’s a bunch of 45 minute documentaries on the wildlife inhabiting coastal islands me: hhhdbhnnnnnnnnnnddndkkj coconut crab

I have a few copies of “Playboy” from the 1970s stashed away somewhere. One of them has a letter where a guy writes in saying, “I met this really gorgeous, sweet woman, and we were planning to get married, but she sat me down yesterday and told me that she had a sex change before she met me. Mr. Hefner, should I marry someone who used to be a man?” and the response was, “So she had a sex change, big whoop. Would you be asking this question if she’d made any other change in her life before she met you? You love the woman she is now, and that’s all that should matter. If you want kids you can adopt or something.”

I feel so conflicted right now

That awkward moment when Hugh Hefner is more trans-positive than most feminists of the same era. 

omg

yall hate ratatootie but who do u think is making ur food at olive garden huh!!??