What a wombat.

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Not sure if the Three Stooges count as a tv show or as a bunch of individual pictures.... oh well!

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If it were me, our love story would have ended then and there, and I think I would have left him at the bottom of the ravine. Frankly.

He DOES slap her in the book which fills me with righteous indignation for a plethora of reasons, all of which you outline here (all my anger directed towards the author, not Westley, because tbh that moment is straight up OOC for Westley, at least to me).

I’ve been imagining so many AUs of this story while I’ve been rereading the book, and the prime thing I would change is this sequence. Why is Westley killing himself to save her from her kidnapping if he’s so angry with her in the first place, anyway? My brother in Christ, you were (for all intents and purposes) very much dead. For YEARS. Heaven forbid a girlie move on. But anyway, I would change it to have him—you know—ask her in some roundabout way if she truly loved the prince and find out she still very much loved him (Buttercup’s I died that day line remains unchanged because it’s so good and iconic). His anger with her is even more unjustified when you consider the fact that the prince ordered her to marry him (at least in the book. I don’t remember if that’s explicitly stated in the movie?). Buttercup did not have a choice. Westley should have at least thought of that possibility.

This is just me being a sucker for communication over misunderstanding though. Alas for me, I prefer that to the unnecessary dramatics of a man slapping his true love *eye roll*

I think the best comedy is when the story knows when to drop the comedy, actually. The one liners and line delivery? Absolute gold. The premise? Some of the plot points? Also gold. But the actual serious moments deserved to be treated with gravity. They would have hit all the harder with the ever-present comedic lens stripped away for once. AND THE MOVIE ACCOMPLISHES THIS, for the most part, I believe. Which is one reason WHY IT’S GOOD!!!!

Oh yes, I love this can of worms we’ve opened with Westley. What was he doing all those years, pray tell? And why so slow in returning to her?? And why on earth doesn’t he write??? He probably had doubts about her still loving him for YEARS before he heard about her engagement. It’s such a bad look that he doesn’t come to find her til she’s “betrayed” him and he has a reason to blame her for something.

(Do you think the movie is stronger because Goldman was involved so thus it was like a 2nd draft of his story?)

no. tell me what you fixed. i wanna know what the glitch was.

you know those patch notes that are like “fixed an issue where if the player sat in a bush for too long, they’d become the size of a skyscraper” 

I tried to cut it down to the basic categories, but I acknowledge I might have missed one. I also ran out of spaces for Club and Flail and those I feel *could* apply to Mace but I acknowledge they might both feel distinct enough

If you picked either of those options or any others that don't fit into one of my basic categories, or want to specify a particular variant, feel free to specify in tags!

Okay, so you may or may not be aware that I had an idea for a Beauty and the Beast retelling a couple months back. I also have had an idea bouncing around in the back of my head for a while about a Cinderella retelling. Today at church, I got distracted thinking about how these stories would probably take place in the same universe, and it then struck me that fairytale mashups always introduce a whole new kingdom or two every time they tell a new story, and I had the epiphany of "well, clearly Belle and Prince Charming are siblings" and since I wanted to give the princess in my B&TB retelling a big family, it makes sense to just make each of her siblings a member of a different fairytale couple!

My original thought leading to the first of these retellings was "beauty and the beast but the beast, being a prince, still engages in standard royal politics," so my mantra for all of these stories is that they all are still political (not as in "explaining my real world politics" but as in "the political forces at play in this fictional setting are driving narrative forces.") As such, each kid in this royal family has been set up for an arranged marriage for pretty much all their lives. Here's all of them, and their stories, in age order.

A princess, obsessed with the finer things in life. As the eldest daughter, she's always been doted on as daddy's little girl and given whatever she desires. She counts herself fortunate that the prince she's engaged to has grown up quite handsome, and she can foresee a lovely future at his side. This opinion of him and her lot in life changes significantly when he's turned into a frog.

A prince whose first wife passes away. He wants to find a new bride, but is concerned she won't love him for who he really is and is only interested in the fact that he's heir to the throne, so he attends a masquerade ball in a nearby village. His plan for anonymity ends up working a little too well, because when he meets the perfect girl, he has no idea who she is, and when she leaves the party early, the only thing he has to go by to find her is the shoe she accidentally left behind.

Another prince. Unfortunately for him, political relations with his espoused princess' kingdoms have always been tense, and her father breaks their arrangement and has her locked away, forbidding them from ever seeing each other again. Anyone else could've moved on, but he can't, so he sets out to free the princess from her tower.

A princess who, as a child, made friends with a prince from a neighboring kingdom, and was excited when her father told her that she and that prince would get to spend the rest of their lives together! Not long after, she's devastated by the news that his parents have died, and a terrible curse befell the young boy. It turns out, the curse that befell him wasn't enough to annul their arranged marriage, and when she's summoned to his kingdom, she goes willingly, knowing she may be able to help the prince break the curse that's turned him into a beast.

A prince who, while on a voyage to his betrothed's kingdom, is captured by pirates. He's rescued from them by a mermaid, who's something of a self-proclaimed human anthropologist, and as she helps him find his way back on land, they end up becoming more and more interested in each other's worlds—and each other! But, he's promised to be wed to another, and mermaids have always been taught to show no sympathy to humans, so their love is forbidden and impossible... or is it?

A prince who hears that political upheaval has been happening in his promised princess' kingdom—her stepmother has taken the throne, and the royal family has been forced into hiding. When he finds her living in the woods, he offers her political sanctuary in his kingdom until things simmer down at the palace. One problem, though: her seven brothers have all been cursed, turned into horrid little dwarves that, as it stands, are unable to fend for themselves. She refuses to abandon them, and knows they'll be shunned as outcasts in his kingdom, so the only way she's going anywhere with him is if he helps her break the curse and save her brothers.

A princess who was born on her aunt's twenty-fifth birthday. As the princess grows older, the aunt tires of her birthday being overshadowed by a child's, so she casts a sleeping curse on her. The only way she can be woken is through true love's kiss—except the princess has never met her true love. If she's ever to be woken, her future true love must meet her and woo her in a land that only exists in her dreams.

And if you're reading this and thinking "what an unlucky lot of royals! What, did their parents tick off some kind of evil sorcerer?" Yes, yes they did. Many years before these stories take place, their father fell in love, but when he ultimately chose to marry the princess his father had chosen for him, choosing duty and power and wealth over love, the woman he did love kinda went psycho and cursed his entire bloodline in revenge, casting a spell that would cause all of his children to be impossibly separated from the one they'd truly love.