egg on a roll

im sorry i can’t be her

you eat me and i perfectly dodge all of your digestive enzymes and stomach acid and i sprint out your asshole fully intact

i feel like tumblr doesnt know about the pain and suffering that is english tap water,,,, girl there are stalagmites inside me

Lmao op lives in the south. The tap water up here is from fucking springs. It's so clean and fresh and has no stalagmites whatsoever. Cope and seethe southerner

My bones are so strong from all the chalk I've been drinking that I could mull you into a fine paste

You guys are like a two hour drive from each other

What If we kissed under the dinosaurs kissing statue

You would probably get hit by a car but such is the risk of love

he lets me hit bc i say shit like ‘alas’

hey. don't cry. I went to Mad At You island and none of your friends were there :)

funniest trope is found family but the family you found fucking sucks

she’s serving absolute divorce papers

*guy forgetting the word for compromise* uhh what if our choice was bisexual

its okay dude im not becoming evil muhaha. sorry i mean haha. dont know what happened there muhaha. sorry i mean

but can this ai "generate" you some bitches? lol.

me in the pussy if im being fully honest

i appreciate your candid tell all style approach to my posts

becomes so horny that i transform into a swarm of eels living in a beautiful and picturesque lake