lazy writers only club

please, I beg of you, stay away from all of the below if you can help it. if you can't, then god bless you. 

“he licked my lips and I gasped, giving him an opening as our tongues fought for dominance.” (he won btw)

“he smirked against my neck”

pushing against the wall, hands encaging her head and throat clenching (I have to let this one pass- it’s too good)

“I turned away, and he trailed kisses down my neck.”

there must be sudden knocks on the door or what not to build tension- no escaping it.

please, please, please don’t put a whole goddamn pet in the same room during it.

why do all of your characters never have any body acne scars or stretch marks? let’s normalise it in our writing.

in the scenario that it’s a ‘good girl’ fic, where the hell are the condoms coming from? not her, that’s what.

if she doesn’t gasp when it goes in, I don’t want it.

“it’s so big.”

“you’re so tight.”

(what am I doing here)

“it’s not going to fit.”

if it doesn’t ‘stare angrily at you’ I don’t know what to tell you-

he always goes down on her first and she almost always never returns the favour.

sometimes we forget that plan b exists and not everyone in the book world is on the pill because istg I have never seen a character panic for plan b when doing it unprotected

“it was like I had a strange after glow.”

give this girl literally only one friend. (and it must be of the same gender unless it’s a best friend’s brother type fic.) (make sure you give the bff no character arc or story whilst your at it)

must be naive. if she knows what sex is, you’re doing it wrong.

she has to have that 2012 tumblr nerd outfit going on

bonus points if she has a sibling/pet whose only role is to make her look soft and cute to the ‘bad boy’

if you don’t have at least one truth or dare or spin the bottle game throw it away.

make sure you write about two paragraphs of the outfit alone (bonus points if she’s looking in the mirror)

‘I'm not like other girls.’ 

she is must be short. there is no other excuse.

but during the ‘transformation’ phase where her bff lends her a dress, the ‘good girl’ suddenly has huge boobs and a body that ‘sticks like second skin’?

no one is allowed to know who she is until the ‘bad boy’ comes along.

virgin. (bonus points if nothing goes wrong her first time and it’s a whole fairytale)

she has to be the fun drunk at a party. 

blushing

has to be caught in an embarrassing moment by the ‘bad boy’ (eg. dancing and singing, her outfit is somehow messed up)

cardigans and glasses. no in between.

internalised misogyny and the ability to shame the popular girl (who always happens to be a ‘slut)

author will not hesitate to tell you that she’d rather read a book than go to a party.

again, blushing.

if she’s a ‘nerd’ then she is almost never creative whatsoever. 

converses.

beef with the queen bee of the school

a good relationship with the ‘bad boy’s’ best friend.

a kind, caring, nurturing and near perfect complex that makes me want to bash my head in.

when during the ‘break up phase’ with the ‘bad boy’ and her best friend doesn’t give her a whole pep talk and ice cream package, I don't want it.

her only flaw is ‘not letting go’ and remember to never address why she can’t do this but only to ever show this when she’s with the ‘bad boy.’

• Girl giggling “are you going to kidnap me?” As bad boy either named Ryder, Axel or Hunter takes them to their ‘secret spot’

• bad boy que saying “I’m broken and and no one can fix me” (but in three paragraphs of writing) then girl has a sudden need to fix him.

• bad boy has soft spot for a kid (younger brother, some adopted person or like a cat) and girl instantly turns into mush as she watches him interact with said “kid” (or cat)

•good girl must have another best friend who’s more outspoken then her and ships badboy with goodgirl.

• bad boy MUST MUST be good looking. and goodgirl MUST MUST be just ordinary or below.

• there apparently must be a girl (because it seems that guys are not capable of liking bad boys too) of some sort chasing after the bad boy as well and gets jealous of the ‘good girl’ and proceeds to make her life a living hell. (However it may not be another lowlife like the good girl and must be a popular chicken)

• most popular girl is school must be the rival.

• cue in some first time going to a party and some random dood hits on her and pOOF bad boy to the rescue.

• badboy: *breathes* good girl: *blush x1000*

• good girl is actually pathetic and badboy has to comfort except for that one chapter where it’s the other way around to show that he is comfortable around her.

• goodgirl must be a virgin. badboy must not be.

• badboy is super overprotective and good girl either gets mad that he’s acting like a dog or gets mad confused.

• badboy showing heavy heavy feelings towards her and her being a blind sh**

•badboy be pulling weird talents outta nowhere (eg: music, art, racing, boxing)

• cue badboy shirtless and panty dropping everywhere

• must always take place in a high school.

• apparently no one has school homework to focus on unless there’s a tutoring scene where he’s constantly hitting on her. or being a complete ass (really depends on where it is on the timeline)

• best friend of badboy must like her. (In a friendly way), and must tease badboy about her.

• they end up together forever...

your sibling’s significant other

your best friend’s significant other

your crush’s elder/younger sibling

your crush’s best friend

your twin’s enemy

your grandparents/parents new nurse

your police officer who has to watch over you as your on parol

your step siblings

your best friend’s young uncle

your boss

your bosses boss

your sisters best friend

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requests or questions [x]

check out my lil’ sisters new book [x] please.

Takes care of you when we’re sick.

Talks to you about everything.

Let’s you fall asleep in his arms.

Faces you when we talk.

Work hard at what they do.

Cook. Preferably shirtless.

Stare at you from the bed while you get dressed.

Make you laugh from terrible puns or pick up lines.

Never stop trying to win you over even when they know your theirs and vice versa.

Use their minds when you talk to them.

Automatically answer a question about you from another friend and getting it spot on.

Ask you for your advice and takes it seriously.

Take your opinion on clothes, forcing you to sit there outside the cubicle while he acts like the girl for a day.

Is passionate about what they do and about you.

Being a panda and clinging onto you even when your trying to make the bed.

Accidentally fall asleep on you.

Send a little glare if they notice someone staring at you or trying to make a pass at you, no matter how innocent it seems or even if it’s his best friend.

Isn’t afraid to do some play fighting and dosent treat you like your fragile

But also calls you princess as he cuddles you on the couch in a protective way.

====

“Don’t think because we kissed it meant anything, whore.”

Use simpler words (“it hurts”, “so...alone”) as if your character’s pain can’t be described no matter how sophisticated it sounds.

“I’d rather self-destruct than be destroyed by you.”

Are they in pain or hurt? Don’t describe how much it hurts as much as how peaceful and numbing it feels. As if they like it.

“You didn’t know? She died last night.”

If your in present tense, switch to past. It makes the reader wonder what changed.

“Go on, hurt the last person that ever had your back.”

If someone delivers the heart wrenching news, make it the person who your character trusts the least. It makes the reader have false hope that it’s not true.

“Someone as empty as you deserves nothing.”

Resolve the problem at the climax of the story. The bigger problem is yet to come.

“I’ll do anything if you can make it go away.”

Make the reader angry before you completely kill all their hopes and dreams. Confuse both emotions to get a bigger reaction out of them.

“How could you?”

Understand that you can’t just throw in an angst moment out of no where. It has to slowly build up, even if the readers aren’t aware of it. But make sure it makes sense.

“And then there were none.”

Instead of shouting, make them whisper. Instead of tackling them down to the ground, give them light dissapearing touches.

“I saw you with her. Do me a favour and learn from our mistakes.”

Some people try to turn their writing into poetry with enigmatic phrases but sometimes it confuses the reader and kills the mood. Stick to the beat of your writing.

“You were my friend. Isn’t that enough?”

Write about how your character accepts the pain, not only when it happens. To go through their journey of finally accepting and surrendering to the feeling of being comepletely helpless.

“You looked at me as if I weren’t there; As if I was never there to begin with.”

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requests and questions [x]

critique my lil’ sister’s book [x]

person A: you want a box for that sir?

person B: nah, I’m against violence. can I just pay by card?

====

requests or questions : [x]

lil’ sisters new book : [x]

On a 14 hour plane ride where they both have to sit next to eachother but the in flight entertainment decides to die in the middle of the plane ride. Feeling uncomfortable and helpless at seeing A squirm in their seat with nothing to do, B offers to share a bud on the film their watching.

A and B’s family double booked a tour guide and instead of fighting about it, they decide to merge their families. Two weeks together as the only teenage/young adult children of each family, they’re forced to talk.

B mails a letter to C in boarding school across the world, only to have the wrong address because her phone was taken away. A writes back and soon start easy conversation. B goes to visit their C one day and they meet up. A is C’s older sibling.

From rival schools, both are sent to work at a refugee center conicindentally at the same time.

A is stuck in an arranged marriage (how cliche). Only this time A’s fiancé is all you can ever imagine, perfect on the inside and out. But what about their older sibling?

Obsessed with a video game, A and B become quick partners with their joint skills and tactic. Both have only been talking through their mic-sets and meet and a video game event without knowing it.

B is invited to a party and she hates it. There’s beer stains on the carpet, passed out drunks on the floor and undergarments hanging on the fan. Wanting to escape, B walks back home only to encounter A defacing the back of a cafe with their spray cans.

requests and questions [x]

person A: hey, um, so I’ve liked you for a while now and you’re really cute so... would you go on the a date with me?

person B: no.

person A: oh, silly me, my goldfish ran over my keyboard.

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requests and questions [x]

I love the suggestion! Can’t believe I haven’t even thought once about those…

We were cuddled on the sofa like every Saturday movie night. You hand was around my shoulders and I rested my head against your chest, both our hands dipped into the emptying popcorn bowl. It was the usual.

But there was something about how you would never make eye contact with me throughout the movie, how you would over exaggerate your laughs at my weird jokes and how you’d stuff you face with popcorn and pretend not to hear me. Most importantly: you were incredibly squeamish every time my hand would accendintaly graze yours under the popcorn or if I would move to tuck my head under your chin.

Just as the little girl starts the cliched “don’t-open-the-closet-scene” of every scary film, I turned my head up to look at you. I know you could feel me staring up your nostrils (as unromantic as that sounded) but you chose to stare at the TV.

So, I tried another tactic.

Turning my head back to the movie, I watch as the closet doors slowly open to uncover a dark screen. I planned my scared scream perfectly to when the “surprise” jump scare occurred.

I took that moment to climb closer to your comforting body, grabbing your shoulders and pushing you closer to me.

Frightened at my sudden movement, you turned to look at me. “Easy there,” you teased.

I grin uneasily, “Sorry,” I mumbled, a fleeting blush creeping up my cheeks as I realised how close we were.

All memory of the plan dissapeared to the red to the back of my brain.

Apparently, you seemed to realise as well but I’ve got you on freeze. Your lips never looked more appealing than that moment; they were slightly parted as you breathed, your tongue teasing your lips as we unconsciously leaned closer.

Before I knew it, I shared my first kiss with my best friend who had seen me in diapers. It was... amazing. I finally understood why you were so nervous around me that night. Your tongue told me the whole story of your feelings that night as they explored and exposed your long hidden secret.

We broke off just as the sound of my parents coming home echoed through the garage. “How was I?” I awkwardly asked.

You smiled before relaxing your body against mine again. “Perfect.”

====

requests and questions [x]

—confession—

I sat across him, feigning my act of normalcy as I sat under our tree. The leaves allowed me some coverage from the harsh sun but he, as always, insisted that we bask in the summer breeze. He’s also insane. “So, how long have you... you know?”

He fidgeted in his seat. “Well, it started when all the boys pointed out how beautiful you’ve grown, but it wasn’t that. It was that powerful feeling that I knew you inside and out and those other losers didn’t.” He looked away from me but I felt his fingers hesitantly brush mine. We’ve held hands before, but this time, it was far from familiar.

“Then I realised that it wasn’t just you and me anymore. There’s a whole world of boys who want you... something in me hated that feeling. It’s you and me forever, since you pushed me into that pool.”

====

requests and questions [x]

person A: so... should we kiss now?

person B: uh. I guess- I mean if you want to...

person A: oh, sorry what?

person A: i was talking to the Doritos.

====

requests and questions [x]

“please don’t fall in love without me.”

“don’t go; I’m lost without you.”

“If you dare lay a finger on s/he, I’d blind you of all things beautiful so you’d never see her again.”

“If s/he’s not enough for you, I‘ll make myself enough.”

“I just want you to be happy, alright? There. I admitted it.”

“Never apologise for making me the happiest person on earth.”

“I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but I know that it’s going to somehow include you.”

“Do you think I planned this? Do you really think I planned falling in love with someone like you?”

“I can’t fall in love. I-I don’t know how.”

“You want to play dirty? I can play dirty. Just know that my games has no rules, and once I’ve got you, you ain’t going anywhere.”

“I’ve done this before. Just- please don’t hurt me like s/he did. Show me that there’s nothing wrong with me.”

“So what? I fell in love with you, big whoop. I’ve been dealing with this feeling for years now. What’s a little while longer?”

“How can you love someone like me? Someone who can tear you apart and leave you in the streets with no mercy.”

“No, no, no don’t you turn all cute on me now.”

“If there was an alternate universe where you and I could be together, then God does listen after all.”

“So... can I kiss you now?”

“Don’t you dare give me my first kiss in the graveyard, boy.”

“Are you sure you’ve never kissed anyone before?”

“I always let my brother get his way. But this time, I’m going to get the girl and I’m not letting him take her away from me.”

“You can say what you want, but we both know that what we have is far from friendship.”

*sees him/her* “am I in heaven? God does listen after all.”

requests and questions [x]

person A: *in the middle of raising the dead*

person A: are you calm?

person B: *watching A raise the dead*

person B: no are you

person A: Yes

person A: * casually pauses the hand crawling out of grave*

person B: That’s because you’re emotionally unstable.

person A: Love you too

whispering and gossiping about the obnoxious rich people under their champagne glass in the corner at a formal event

farting/burping and blaming it on eachother

person A laying in bed and staring in absolute awe at person B who is dressing to get ready to sleep.

watching a romance movie together and saying “ew, don’t ever do that to me” or “why haven’t you done that for me?”

dressing in a dress for a formal occasion and before they leave, she teases him that she’s got nothing on underneath.

switching drinks/food/desert under the table.

A teaching B how to paint/play and instrument very intimately and softly, laughing at how B totally butchers the skill.

hand on thigh when driving.

watching the other put on makeup through the mirror and thinking wow, I didn’t think it could get better.

asking permission to kiss the other

person A loosing a bet to person B which means A can’t kiss or intimately touch B in any way and it drives A crazy at how close yet how far B is.

bonus: person C asks B on date thinking that A is ‘just a friend’ and A breaking the bet by kissing B to prove a point.

A asking B to leave them alone and B respects that and decides to leave A with a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. Only A doesn’t let B go.

person C: how was ur first date like?

person B: it was beautifu-

person A: you farted and blamed it on me.

person B: that was uninten-

person A: and at the end, you brought me to a graveyard and told me that your goal in life was to “love me ‘till I died”

person C: ...