God I totally forgot i even wrote this 

im glad to report that Hot Dr Pepper was a success at my christmas dinner

might be because i told everyone it was tea at first, except my cousin who saw me pouring a bottle of dr pepper into a hot pan and just immediately went “woah can i have some of that”

man the crazy thing about babies is that like, some people would think that reading a baby a book about farm animals is teaching them about farm animals, but really it’s teaching them about the concept of a book and how there’s new information on each page of a single object, but really, beyond that, it’s teaching them how language works, and beyond that it’s really actually teaching them about human interaction, and really really it’s them learning about existing in a three-dimensional space and how they can navigate that space, but actually, above all it is teaching them that mama loves them.

How dare you dude. Trent was wearing that purple cashmere sweater tonight because he wanted to try something new and expand his wardrobe. You know purple isn’t in his normal color palette and he was really unsure about himself. Why would you make fun of him dude what’s your fucking deal. If you keep putting your bros down like this then I’m gunna have to suspend you from the frat

hit person with cardboard tube

Slap someone with overly long sleeves

Go upstairs on all fours

Make weird noise to break awkward silence

weird how lighting a candle can make u feel marginally better like ur still feeling the same but at least there’s a candle burning… nice

Hey future historians, please note that although tumblr is a fountain of hyberbolic sarcasm, there is exactly 0% sarcasm or hyperbole in this post.

Itd be funny as fuck if the world operated like how people with social anxiety think it does. Like what if you got on a bus and everyone was like wow look at that piece of shit loser. Get off the bus you ugly bastard

i like the idea of having a step-by-step schedule (like breakfast at x time, study at x time, etc.) but who’s gonna regulate that shit? me? that bitch is a toddler

JUMPING ON THIS OPPORTUNITY

LAST YEAR WE CAN REBLOG THIS GUYS