buddie brainrot

all the townies clocking buddie and i really thought we were gonna get an “it isn’t like that” from one of them but the hits just kept coming…how am i ever meant to recover when there are bikers calling eddie diaz princess and eddie is pissed not at being called gay but at the insinuation there’s anything wrong with the way he and buck are acting and he and buck sit in suffocating silence afterward bc how do they even begin to broach what just happened and their first instinct after the accident is to look for each other and the sheriff is likening eddie to his wife and eddie barely reacts and doesn’t even correct him and that waitress is hitting on eddie and it’s laughable bc eddie is so disinterested he’s LOOKING FOR BUCK and he’s hotwiring cars and holding a woman at gunpoint and nearly getting killed and buck’s using himself as a bargaining chip and then they SAVE each other and they’re laughing and smiling and holding on to each other and man i can’t even go on. what the FUCK was that

they make it three hours before they decide to pull over and get a room at a roadside motel. one room, one bed, a heavy door and a heavy set of curtains that will help keep away the sunlight and buck's headache at bay. they help each other peel their clothes away and take turns trying to at least somewhat clean up. there's dried blood behind eddie's left ear and more dotting his hairline, and buck scrubs at all of it gently with a warm, threadbare hand towel while eddie keeps his hands wrapped around buck's waist, making sure he doesn't strain his ribs too much. it's intimate in a way that sits at the back of eddie's throat like syrup, choking him up even though he wants to scream himself hoarse. he almost lost him, again, and now they're in a fucking motel room and they're not fighting, but it still feels like they're going to, probably as soon as they make it back into that piece of shit car. sometimes it feels like it's all they do these days. fight. because that's the only way they can dig their fingers into each other without actually touching; without acknowledging everything that's fallen apart in the past year, everything they've been trying to build back up with twine and rock and love. besides, it's not like they're won't go back to their usual push and pull five minutes later. it's fine. they're going to laugh again because buck will say something outrageous, they will look at each other, and it's going to feel easy. or, like it could be so easy, so fucking easy, if only eddie wasn't— if eddie wasn't a coward.

the idea of eddie having killed for buck tho …. , like….. the mix of emotions he woulda felt….and eddie doesn’t regret it at all bc he will do anything to keep buck safe but yeah it scares him a little, the lengths he’s willing to go, also tied up in “i love you so much it scares me sometimes” bc loving something that much means part of yourself is lost to it, at its whim….and then buck feeling guilty bc he would make it his fault, for putting eddie in that position, that eddie now has to live with forever…………but he also feels a shameful twisted thrill at the fact that eddie would do that for him…….and he hates himself for it bc here eddie is struggling and bucks feelings turned on and that’s fcked up right? but eddies keeping a secret too………part of him feels electrified at the thought….that he could go the ultimate length for buck….save buck by any means necessary….who else would do that for him..who else can protect him and care for him like Eddie can?