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date auction au and "what makes this fic grow? What do you need to make it grow?"
so this one started off as spec fic back in january, when i wrote a shitton of it, and then got stymied in production hell when canon officially jossed it, so now i'm in limbo with a lot of usable parts... but others that i'm just kinda like. hmm. do I want to rework some bits so it's a little more clearly grounded in what actually happened to define the AU of it all, versus the "going in blind" spec approach I started with? like for example, i definitely have Eddie's moments of "wow i sure don't wanna date randoms" in there from "Secrets" (which dropped around the time I started this) but Buck's emotional beats are pretty localized to "oh I'm being weird about Eddie...... and I can't stop myself" which. like. clearly we all have an appetite for! But I feel like I need to add some more meat on the bone to really make it hit. Do I mine some of the canon I've thus far discarded for that, or do I just make it up?
Short answer: I dunno! it's been a few months since I really dove into this fic and tried to work out the kinks, so I think I just need to attack it with fresh eyes again and play with the pieces. I know I really love what I have - like, let's be real, Buck and Eddie going on a "platonic" romantic Valentines Day date is the bread and butter type situation that makes this ship so fun to write, and I really do like the way they can just... feed off each other when that happens! So I do think that once I just pick a direction I'll be able to knock it out, I just need to sit with it long enough to make a real decision. (or else someone can just lock me in a basement and force me to write til it's done? i'll try whatever at this point.)
full moon fic and "š¾ - what makes this fic grow? What do you need to make it grow?"
lol Dee I literally threw this one in for you <3 honestly i suspect that, to make this fic grow, i might have to rework it from the ground up somehow? The original core premise was that, okay, lean into the goofy prankster side of buddie a little - buck is being lowkey ridiculous about the full moon to press eddie's buttons, so eddie decides to fuck with him back a little, but then it gets a little out of hand because, whoops! actually kissing buck was not actually in his gameplan! but backing out of the bit is... harder than expected? oh no it's escalating and getting more serious and wow eddie really wants this! but also it's all from buck's POV so... does buck know what's happening in eddie's head? no. and like, buck's not dumb. but also he is sorta superstitious and, more importantly, a little afraid of relinquishing the waning emotional defenses that are propped up by his denial, so that's how it ends up going on and on...
but the trouble i'm having with the "okay 5 times... but only on full moons"... is that that quickly becomes a storyline that now stretches over 5 months, which makes me start wondering. hmm. at what point does this just strain credulity, or else just become really mean-spirited on at least one if not both sides? i love crack treated seriously, but i also struggle with miscommunication persisting past the point of good sense or meaningful reason. like, buck and eddie are grown adults who ARE willing to have an argument over some shit, especially with each other, to clear the air. idk that they could intentionally fuck around with each other like that (pun intended, because it would absolutely wind up with them fucking) for that long in a way that i could write in a way that felt convincing to ME, let alone anyone else. SO.
do i need to abandon the 5 times format? do i need to re-calibrate the premise? i like the core, inciting idea, but maybe it's the timeline i have to adjust and just have it all play out in the span of one full moon to the next? do i sacrifice the limited Buck POV and make it dual? I dunno!!! i'm going in circles, which means I am making no progress despite my deep affection for the wip idea. (But I do welcome input!!!)
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listen, sooooooo i've not been doing much writing this week because work has gone kind of nuts. i'm pretty much getting home and shutting off my brain until i have to go back to work again bUT i've been tagged by a bunch of people this week so even though i don't have any writing juice to write anything for any of my thousand WIPs i did a lil free write exercise then tidied it up into a little something something
tagged by @diazboys @eddiesstabwound @circledwithaheart @sunflowerbuckleys over the last week, consider this a tag back š
Buck was hogging the firehouse couch.Ā
It was cheeky really, they didnāt have much comfortable relaxing space in the firehouse loft, just the three recliners and the sofa, so usually he wouldnāt monopolise it like this, but right now everyone else was either holed up in the bunk room or busy showering so he was trying not to think about it too hard. Heād move if anyone came up.Ā
The last call had been long and tiring and difficult in all the wrong ways, and now Buckās mind was running too fast to sleep. If he went into the bunkroom he would inevitably annoy Hen into banishing him away again anyway, so he was doing the rest of the team a kindness and letting his brain wind down before bedding down for the night.
He was typing his disordered thoughts out into his Notes in an effort to calm down when a familiar hand batted his arm out of the way, long fingers and calluses on every edge, followed by the heavy weight of a body laying down on top of him and curling into him.Ā
āUh, Eddie?ā
Eddie huffed, eyes closed already. āYou didnāt come to bed,ā was murmured into his shoulder. āIt wasnāt your fault.ā
Buck heart clenched. Heād carried a little girl no older than six out of the apartment building. Sheād succumbed to smoke inhalation before the ambulance could set off.Ā They couldn't bring her back.
āNo, Iā I know,ā Buck replied. āI justā Iām not ready to sleep yet. Need to think it through, I guess.ā
Eddie hummed, and the vibration warmed Buckās chest. He shuffled slightly so that Eddie was cradled on top of him.Ā
āOkay. You can carry on, Iāll justā¦ be here a minute,ā Eddie said as he slid his leg between Buckās for stability and buried his face into Buckās neck. Barely ten seconds later his breathing evened out as he drifted off to sleep.Ā
Buck gently hooked his arms around Eddieās sleeping body and carried on typing, warm and a hell of a lot more settled than he had been before Eddie arrived.Ā
An hour later, Henrietta Wilson shook awake from a nightmare, desperate for company and a glass of water. Heading through the common area, she was greeted with the sight of Buck snoring lightly into Eddieās hair, cuddled into each other, dead asleep, and completely and entirely hogging the couch.Ā
She grabbed a drink and padded quietly up to the roof space, settling in on the deck chair next to Chim. He clinked his glass on hers. She looked up at the star-less Los Angeles sky, considering.Ā
āDāyou think they know?ā
Chim scoffed, āNo. I think one of them might actually have to die for them to figure it out.ā
āYou would think that.ā
Chimney laughed, āHey,ā he shrugged, cheery grin across his face, āIt worked with you and Karen.ā
i got this same request from the lovely @zambonirider too!
so full moon fic came from the thought of, man, i love the supernatural hijinks episodes and it's such a shame that eddie was not there for the very first one because jinxes and curses are all one-offs but a full moon? that comes every month. plague that man with superstitious nonsense! what it has evolved into is a loose concept of a 5x fic where buck won't let up with the full moon nonsense one night, and then suddenly, eddie starts acting strangely... starting with kissing him. and then again. but only on full moons. it escalates from there. >:)
that said it's kind of stalled and is only roughly sketched out at this point, mostly bc I can't figure out the emotional throughline (especially from Eddie's side) so I think I have to tweak my approach somehow.
Eddie Diaz immediately sending his sweet angelic perfect baby child to therapy when christopher is struggling and then turning to fucking street fighting when heās the one struggling is the epitome of eddieās character
Shout out to the lovely friends who keep pestering encouraging me to write by tagging me in things even though I am a sleepy blob with no energy to write lately. @livesbetweenpages and @zinnydark this oneās your fault.
Questions:
š¾ - what makes this fic grow? What do you need to make it grow?
š - what trope do you feel like you're milking in this particular fic?
ā³- spend some time on the fic, this could be editing, or writing, or making a mood board or social media post
š- have you experienced writer's block on this fic? Is it over or are you still trying to unlock it?
š - write something completely unrelated to any of the WIPs but related to the emoji the tractor dropped off. (Oh god a thing Iāve never done okay Coolcoolcool)
š§š¼āš³ - family recipe (pepa strategically sets up buck on dates)
šø - the dick pic fic (critiquemydickpic but make it buddie)
šø - date auction AU (buck buys a date. eddie holds him to it.)
š - full moon fic! (eddie starts acting strange on full moons and only on full moons)
š„ - infidelity sex pollen (bc why not)
š§” - holy water (my last star wars hold out)
Whoās even writing right now? Unsure but no pressure tagging: @semperama @luxheroica @redrosydiaz @andcurioser @buckme and anyone who wants to use me as an excuse to play.
well everyone already hit the ones i would have gone for by default so letās get creative!!!!
šš½
Me upon seeing this ask: well what on Earth am I going to write about for this? I don't even believe in aliens. But it turns out I don't believe in work more so I wrote this for you, my dearest Margo, on the clock. Please enjoy some alien/space symbolism by way of a little missing Buddie scene from 901.
āWhat the hell is that?ā
Buck figured it was obvious, but smiled cautiously at Eddie regardless.
āAn alien.ā
There was a time when Buck wasn't conscious to his reactions around Eddie: a smile, an eyebrow flit, a sarcastic nod whenever Eddie thought he could get away with explaining the truth by walking around it. They just happened and Buck didnāt have to think, which was different to how Buck felt around most other people, most other times. Heād have been sure there wasnāt an off switch in his head, ideas and words and what-ifs constantly bouncing around, except somehow Eddie managed to have found it right around the time he recovered a grenade from a guyās leg. But then Eddie left and Bobby left, both willingly, and the switch got jammed. Or maybe destroyed. He had too many other thoughts to try and parse it out.
āWell,ā he continued, āan alien head. Mask really. Is it a mask if it covers your whole head, or is that just a costume?ā He looked up, surprised Eddie was still there, still listening. There was a time he didnāt have to doubt that either.
Buck watched as Eddie opened his mouth, frowned, and started heading towards Buck, only to keep walking towards the entrance of the station. There was a time when Eddie wouldnāt get that far away from him. Buck took a deep breath and reminded himself it was still closer than Texas while he followed.
Before he could juggle his bag and the maskācostume?āhead to free his hand, Eddieās voice carried through the door he was holding open.
āWhy do you haveāno, waitāwhereād youāā Eddieās questions seemed unable to settle on where to land as much as the excitement Buck had felt since he first heard of Henās invitation to space. āNo. Why. Why, do you have an alien head? Did I miss the text about a party orā¦?ā
Buck poked his head through the door, looking around to make sure that the lack of Henās SUV in the lot meant that she wasnāt here yet and not that she got a ride with Karen, before he passed through explaining, āI have an idea.ā
His gaze caught on the unfamiliar skepticism hiding in the corner of Eddieās eyes. It was foreign and fragile, a barely-there sharpness that Buck usually only saw on Eddieās expressions when he was forced to contend with everyone elseās belief in the supernatural. Buck wasnāt used to having it leveled at him, even when he was trying to convince Eddie that curses were real and that superstitions were justified because usually Eddie let a fond exasperation file down his disbelief so it didnāt cut.
āThis canāt be good.ā
But now, Buck felt it, a small, jagged gash blooming that he hoped was only skin deep, even though he knew a paper cut could hurt more than a razor. He wasnāt bleeding out, and it felt warmer than absence, so he walked to the locker room, not looking back to check if Eddie followed. He felt an unbidden smile flicker at the sound of Eddieās steps close behind him.
āWhat idea?ā
āTo, uh, to surprise Hen. I couldā¦you know, hide somewhere and thenā¦then jump out.ā Eddieās eyebrow moved up, just enough that Buck found himself offering, āOr, you could, I mean, since youāre her p-partner now.ā He surprised himself with how much he wanted Eddie to say yes. There was a time when Eddie's yes was all but guaranteed.
Buck's heart raced against his control and his thoughts ran over reasons to convince Eddie into agreeing.
āI could hide in the ambo?ā
Eddie was quiet as he got dressed, so his question felt loud in the confines of the glass room. Or maybe it was just that anything Eddie had to tell him had a way to rise above the din in his head.
He didnāt have to wait long for Eddie to finish changing, for Eddie to lean against his now-closed locker, arms crossed in front of him, with a thoughtful expression softening his stance.
āI mean, sheād probably expect it less if it was me, even though Iām not completely sure I want to know what the inside of that thing smells like.ā
āRubber probably?ā Buck turned the head upside down to check.
āWhy exactly are we trying to jump scare Hen?ā
Buck shrugged, not quite meeting Eddieās eyes. There was a time Eddie didn't need Buck to explain, not because he didn't want to hear it, but because he already understood.
āI dunno. If youāre going to go to the great beyond, donāt you need to be ready to encounterāā
āAliens.ā
That same something flickered behind Eddieās apathy as he looked at Buck. It was frustrating, knowing how close they were to what once was, this thing that he could see but was too far to reach.
āOh right,ā he deadpanned, as Eddie roll his eyes and pushed away from the locker. āI shouldāve known.ā He shook his head as Eddie took the costume. Buck didnāt try to thwart him, just opened his hands and let Eddie take.
Most days, Buck believed aliens existed, that even if they looked nothing like he imagined, nothing like the expectedābig, bugged-out eyes; green, smooth skin; long, strange fingersāthat some form of life had to exist beyond Earth. That there was something bigger and brighter and impossible to name beyond what humans on Earth understood. And even if there wasnāt any scientific proof, even if the theories and current evidence turned out to be wrong, Buck still believed. Still wanted to believe. He still hoped that something was out there. He didnāt want Earth, with all its disappointments, and finality, and small but surprising joys to be the only thing they had a connection to.
He watched Eddie sniff the mask, his nose scrunching in displeasure. He watched Eddieās hands flip the thing around, his curious brown eyes inspecting it from various angles, almost like Eddie couldnāt believe in something that was trying to be something that might not exist.
āSo,ā Buck said, pausing until Eddie looked up, looked at him, eyes still big, still as curious. āYou in?ā
Buck wanted to hope he wasnāt alone.
Eddie frowned, but Buck waited until it stretched into a full-mouth smile. In that moment, it didnāt matter if Eddie was skeptical of what was real and what wasnāt; Buck could believe enough for the both of them.
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family recipe & š- have you experienced writer's block on this fic? Is it over or are you still trying to unlock it?
Definitely yes. Not counting right now (which is highkey justā¦ general fatigue. pay no attention to my tragic laundry backlog), I definitely got hung up for a while on chapter 2, which ultimately turned out to be a pacing/scene order problem.
Originally, the visit to Shannonās grave was meant to take place in the middle of chapter 2, with the post-Mercedes (Pepa candidate #2) car conversation being the originally intended end point - in large part bc I wanted to end on a shippier note, but it just wasnāt working. The point of that particular failed set-up was that, for Buck, dating a different single parent with a kid just feels weird - because he can try and replace what heās denying Eddie means to him because Eddie is ~straight~ but trying to replicate that cope with someone elseās kid involved just feels off to him, because Chris is Chris, yāknow? And Eddie has to reconcile why imagining Buck in that dynamic makes the vibes feel off, and the plan was that he did so much more overtly. (also. haha. GOD. i wrote this back in November. WHATEVER!!!!) Anyway, it just wasnāt workingā maybe if I had Buckās POV in scope, it would have been different, but with Eddie as the POV character, it just felt more effective to just reverse the order.
And once I did that, it just started working ā and Iām so happy with the outcome, because by finally being able to look back and clearly see and evaluate the past, it clears the way for Eddie to see and evaluate his next steps in the final chapter. And likeā itās important to me too, that Eddieās concept of family still holds Shannon in regard, because despite their problems and various incompatibilities, a late spouse is different than an ex (even tho she was technically that too), and that goes double because sheās always going to be Chrisās mom. Buck isnāt a replacement parent, and I have a lot of bones to pick with anything that suggests her role is fillable by anyone - like idk I see stuff sometimes re: Shannonās place in the narrative that focuses on the buddie of it but fails to account for Chris in ways that makes me go āwell thatās not how having a dead parent worksā butā¦ I digress. Anyway down with writerās block!
it just hit me after reading 3liza's post about reading speeds that this is almost certainly why I've never been able to tolerate audiobooks. this has puzzled me my whole life. I have nothing against audiobooks in principle and I listen to podcasts constantly, but for some reason I can't handle being 'read to' for more than a passage or two before I start getting frustrated and antsy and losing focus. my reading speed is ~500wpm depending on text complexity. the average speed of audiobooks is apparently 150-160wpm. even a 'fast' narrator played at double speed would top out in the low 300s (and be unlistenable for other reasons). no wonder I get frustrated. it's the same feeling as when I was in school and we'd be forced to read assignment texts chapter by chapter for the sake of the slower readers, while I was chewing my fingers off with tedium. I'm just accustomed to processing information at a certain speed and density and literally get bored.
family recipe & š¾ - what makes this fic grow? What do you need to make it grow?
Hi Jean!!!! Honestly the biggest barrier right now is justā¦ energy. There is a direct, inverse correlation between when I started up hormone meds back in March and my success at making words happen, unfortunately. š Like. Every single day I am actively yearning for bedtime by 7pm, at which point my attention span for anything focused ā like reading, writing, even playing video gamesā¦ so all of my at home hobbies ā is completely busted. (People keep telling me Iāll get energy back in a few weeks? god I live in fucking hope.)
Anyway this fic always gets more brain space when I am actively dwelling on the question of āEddie knows? Or maybe he doesnāt?ā and then exploring the middle ground ofā¦ he knows something between himself and Buck feels fundamentally different, and heās circling the idea and what it means, while also not looking at it because. Well. Itās Eddie Diaz. Once he figures out what he actually wants then heās going to have the impulse to do something about it, right? So Iām exploiting that limbo of figuring it out but holding back from letting himself figure it out all at once. And I love thinking about how integral Eddieās perception of family is to that process, because thatās the crux of the matter ā once he acknowledges what has shifted, heās not going to be able to sidestep the fact that Buckās been family this whole time, just in a way thatās different than previously understood. Cue yearning and tension and all that.
Anyway just yapping about it gives me a creative boost so feel free to come bother me about the fic whenever! Being reminded that people besides me are invested is always motivating!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Shout out to the lovely friends who keep pestering encouraging me to write by tagging me in things even though I am a sleepy blob with no energy to write lately. @livesbetweenpages and @zinnydark this oneās your fault.
Questions:
š¾ - what makes this fic grow? What do you need to make it grow?
š - what trope do you feel like you're milking in this particular fic?
ā³- spend some time on the fic, this could be editing, or writing, or making a mood board or social media post
š- have you experienced writer's block on this fic? Is it over or are you still trying to unlock it?
š - write something completely unrelated to any of the WIPs but related to the emoji the tractor dropped off. (Oh god a thing Iāve never done okay Coolcoolcool)
š§š¼āš³ - family recipe (pepa strategically sets up buck on dates)
šø - the dick pic fic (critiquemydickpic but make it buddie)
šø - date auction AU (buck buys a date. eddie holds him to it.)
š - full moon fic! (eddie starts acting strange on full moons and only on full moons)
š„ - infidelity sex pollen (bc why not)
š§” - holy water (my last star wars hold out)
Whoās even writing right now? Unsure but no pressure tagging: @semperama @luxheroica @redrosydiaz @andcurioser @buckme and anyone who wants to use me as an excuse to play.
jbbartram-illu
origamiaround
romaincrisis
2087
dededos
