dog lovin' son of a gun

“when a man does something well, we congratulate him. when a woman does something well, we drop her in thunderdome to battle other women for the title of Sole Woman Who Is Good At Things.”

for starters, i’m a gay schizophrenic indigenous artist living in canada, and i just moved out of an unhealthy home situation and into my own apartment earlier this year. that was a really big deal for me, and since then i’ve been doing a lot better and finally starting to get my mental health under control.

unfortunately my apartment flooded over christmas while I was away, and my homophobic landlord is trying to evict me and my roommate by saying that we caused the flooding (even though neither of us were there, there was only damage to our belongings and none to the apartment, and we called in a contractor to confirm it was just a pipe that burst because of the cold). i’ve talked to a lot of people about this, and it’s clear he’s just trying to get us out of the building. 

we’ve had issues with him since we moved in, from him not returning our phone calls to him coming in to the apartment illegally and spraying insecticide in our living room while me and my partner were asleep in the next room. even if the eviction isn’t successful, it’s looking like we’re still going to have to look for somewhere new to live - he’s been coming into the apartment without our consent, screaming at us, saying discriminatory things and threatening us, as well as lowering the heat in the apartment below legal levels (we live in toronto and its been -20 outside some days). i’ve had to move my pets to a friend’s house because we didn’t think they were safe in the apartment, and i’ve been sleeping on their couch. 

i’ve been homeless before and it was a really traumatic time in my life, so i’m trying to do everything i can to get into a stable living situation again. i’m working full time hours and trying to get on disability, but with all the stuff that’s been happening most of my money has been going to incidental expenses, making it really hard for me to save anything for the cost of living let alone the surgery i have to pay for in a couple months. i’ve really been trying to keep my head above water here, but it’s really overwhelming and i don’t know how to deal with this on my own.

I’ve done this to several men, and they catch on rather quickly. You’ll be able to have a conversation right then and there, and it works long term too - they might’ve forgot their manners by the time you talk to them again, but by repeating this, they’ll eventually learn to let you talk without you having to do this at the start of every convo. Source: I have a very stubborn older brother, who eventually learned too.

1. When they interrupt you, stop talking. Don’t try to raise your voice or battle them. Be completely quiet and wait.

2. Ignore everything they’re saying. Do not actually listen - just wait until they shut up. Don’t make a point of anything they say, do not answer to anything they say, do not refer to anything they say here. Literally do not listen a single word. Let them rant as long as they want.

3. When they finally shut up and wait for your reaction, say: ”I wasn’t done talking.”

4. Start over whatever you were saying when they interrupted you. I don’t care if it was a 10-minute explanation of rocket science. Start. Over. Repeat you original thought, but do not add anything related to what they just said while talking over you. That gives them the idea that it’s okay to interrupt you, you’ll still listen and pay attention and they’ll get their point clear without having to listen to yours. (It’s especially funny when you get done and they expect you to keep going talking about whatever they talked over you. The face when it sinks in that you didn’t listen a single word is glorious.)

5. If they interrupt you again, return to step 1. If you find yourself repeating the cycle over 3 times, tell them: ”you’re not letting me speak. Either you listen and wait for your turn, or our conversation ends here.” If they try to make excuses, laugh it off or keep interrupting, end the conversation. Prove them that if they wont let you speak, they’re not worth your time.

Why does this work? First, because sometimes talking over is internalized and men don’t actually notice they’re doing it. Being vocally called out makes them realize it and pay attention to it - especially if it happens more than once. Secondly, by refusing to aknowledge anything they say when they interrupt you, they’ll soon realize they will not get their own point across if they keep doing that. Peoole and especially men have the need to be heard and paid attention to when they talk - when you make it clear that by talking over you, they will not have your attention, they’ll learn to wait until you’re done, because they know that’s when you will be paying attention and actually listening.