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One Nice Bug Per Day

if i look back, i am lost

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Mike Driver
Not today Justin
hello vonnie
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć
ā

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@dylanshales
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Iām gonna name my daughter Theresa but pronounce it like āthereās aā.
Theresa Snakeinmyboot
I really only even barely see the appeal of this post, yet it curses me with its existence every time I log in.
tag yourself!
socks: confused about the future, messy buns, bad sleeping habits, loves fantasy, bad dad jokes, ambivert, underappreciated
hoodie: loves winter, indecisive, good at comforting friends, very self-conscious, just wants to cuddle, movie critic
sweatpants: the type to blast music in headphones, dislikes children, klutz, long video calls, the friend whose laugh is funnier than the joke
turtlenecks: philosophical conversations, social anxiety, close circle of friends, spends more time home than outside, thoughtful
skirts: online shopping, probably has a sketchbook, draws ātattoosā on skin with pen, big dreams and big goals, afraid of failure, likes attention
Swipe RIGHT
Be honest though, the temptation to remove her other arm would always be there in the back of your mind. Symmetry has an undeniable appeal.
@anothertwilightblog
when will i stop reading Y/N as yin

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Not in my cape closet
Requested? : Yep
Prompt : None
Pairing : Han Solo x reader
Word Count : 655 words
The first thing Han sees is red, there was his crush, standing in his vision, but they were talking to Lando. He knew Lando was flirting with them because of his body language, the way his lips curved into a smirk, or the way that Lando is almost shielding (Y/N) with his body. He did not like it one bit.Ā
The way to fix it? Confront the problem head first. On his way there Han was stopped by Chewies loud groans, his tone warning.Ā
āWhat do you know?ā Han retorted to the 7 foot hairy Wookiee, heading straight for the problem.Ā
āAnd thatās how I won this fine shop right here. Impressive right?ā Lando bragged.Ā
āHow bout you get your grubby paws off my friend.ā Han warned Lando.Ā
āHow ābout you both stop right before anything starts and realize that I only like one of you.ā You cut in before Lando could reply. Not even a second later you heard Beckett, Chewie and Qiāra groan in frustration.Ā
ā(Y/N) hun, I donāt think that was a good idea.ā Beckett warned.
āWell itās true and we all know that Lando does not like me, maybe the robot but, definitely not me.ā You retorted. That made Hanās eyebrows scrunch up in confusion and everyone elseās bodies to tense.Ā
āThen who do you like if itās not cheat over here?ā He asked.Ā
āThe only other guy that was there! You! My best friend since I donāt even know how long now, I cannot believe how stupid you are.ā You said exasperated.
āBut youāve never shown it?ā That made everyone groan. āI mean there was that time where you suggested we kiss but that was because we were hiding and it was a great idea, but thatās the only thing.ā Han said.
āOkay sure, how ābout that time where we barely had food to share and I gave it to you instead of eating it myself? Or the time where I gave you some credits, or that tim-ā
āJust shut up and kiss.ā Beckett said.
āIām not doing it with an audience.ā You snapped, turning and heading off in the other direction.
Hanās problem was solved. Well, partially. Now heās gotta go fix the problem he started. While walking to the place heād know youād be (most definitely your room), he thought back to the few moments you told him about. The one from almost 2 and a half years ago, when heād been on the streets after being kicked out of fly school, youād shared your food with him and created an alliance. That was the moment when youād become friends. Or the time where he wanted to buy some, he canāt even remember, and youād given him the credits heād needed for it.
ā(Y/N) you can come out now, Iām sorry about not knowing that you liked me. And I didnāt even get the chance to tell you that I liked you too. I mean we all know how stupid I am. I never meant to hurt you because of it. Iām good at picking up things that arenāt about feelings. I mean, you saw that I didnāt know-ā
Han was cut of by a pair of lips on his. His eyes were open for a second after realizing it was you. He shut his eyes and slowly placed his hands on the side of your face, cupping your jaw. One of your hands went on the back of his neck and the other on his shoulder. He let his lips wander to the junction of your jaw and your neck as his thoughts became all fuzzy and could only focus on you. He could hear your breathing speed up and your head tilted back to give him more.
āExcuse me, please not in my cape closet.ā Landoās voice rang out.
Hanās forehead came to rest on your collar bones as you two started laughing.
Iām glad to know that John Mulaney was an English major because it means when he saysĀ ācollege is justĀ āI think Emily Dickinson is a lesbian!ā and theyāre likeĀ āpartial credit!āā he says it with authority.Ā
fetus john
people wanna hate john mulaney so badā¦.. but they feel the need to excuse it by finding something problematic like if heās not ur cuppa itās cool but own it donāt pretend to be morally c00ler than the rest of us lmao
anyone wonder the kinky shit mrs incredible aka elastigirl is capable of doing thanks to her flexibility? i wonder how crazy sex between elastigirl and mr incredible is like.. instead of eating pussy, heās able to put his entire head inside and just inhale the aroma and lick her walls
@staff delete everything on tumblr except this post
If I had to read this , y'all do to
So I guess you lucky bastards have never gone poking around rule34.xxx huh?
Think about how tight she can make herself
Stop please I swear
Wtf wrong with y'all
omyfucking god this is the greatest thing iāve ever had the pleasure of reading

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it is so wild that Samwise Gamgee is out here playing peopleās greying portly stepdads and Frodo Baggins is still roughly 19 years of age
french recipes: if youāre not making this in paris then whatās the point. fuck you
italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house
american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked
chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void.Ā
English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay thatās it enjoy
Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isnāt quite right. I donāt know what to tell you.
Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie
Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts
Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it.
Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three
Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT. LICK IT. SMELL IT.
Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countriesā cuisines AND neuroses.
Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so glĀ
ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion.Ā
internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sisterās third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown.
Irish recipes:
my favorite student is this little excitable turkish kid who waves me over at lunch every day to holler a joke at me & then urges me to get the other teachers to come listen to his jokes. my favorite so far is Q: what do you call somebody who doesnt want you to go to the bathroom? A: a teacher (the other teachers did not find it as hilarious as i did)
this child, hollering at me in the middle of class: YOU NEED PUN.Ā
me: yeah i do whats ur pun
this child: what was the real name of the titanic? ā¦the fathership. ā¦ā¦ā¦.because fathers are Big.
me, at recess: hey u got any jokes today
this child, stumbling off a log & dramatically yeeting his paper hat full force for no apparent reason: i have,,,,, ONE. [dramatic pause] i really have to KETCHUP on fortniteĀ
todays the last day i have this kids class & he was likeĀ āu need a GOOD final jokeā & i want yall to know his final joke to me was: why are frogs so happy? because they eat what bugs them. he then proceeded to hug me for a solid minute while a bunch of other kids came & took turns hugging me,
2012 was truly the PEAK of music. call me maybe? iconic. somebody that i used to know? iconic. what makes you beautiful? iconic. some nights? iconic. starships? iconic. whistle? iconic. everybody talks? iconic. party rock anthem? iconic. boyfriend? iconic. THE LIST GOES ON. we will never again experience a similar period of bop after bop.
you canāt convince me that everyone in liberty high didnāt have a crush on jeff atkins

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Pull me into a bathroom at a party and tell me how bad you want me. Then fuck me.
Me, outside the bathroom waiting for these two to stop fucking so I can pee: