#FreeInformation

RB

Hey {name-removed}, if we don't get a chance to talk again, I wanted to tell you this -- it might help you down the road but I also know you well enough that you won't like hearing it, you might even get mad or sad or just stressed in general. I don't know. But just know I do it out of love and respect for you. I wouldn't be a good friend or former lover (or whatever) if I didn't give you constructive criticism. First of all -- you're a good person -- I know you'll fight with me on that but you are. I believe wholeheartedly that you're a good person. But the reason our relationship didn't work will never be because of your depression. It will never be even because we didn't get along or we weren't a necessary a good match (we never got to be close enough to figure out if we were a good match or not). It will be because you're too scared to be emotionally intimate and because your instinct is to run away from problems/conflict instead of trying to solve them. I like and care for you no matter what but those 2 things will prevent any of your romantic relationships from growing past a certain point. You can never be completely close to someone if you don't let them in. It won't be because you have depression. It won't be because you're not good enough. It won't be because you're a bad person. It will be because you have unresolved attachment issues. I'm not a psychologist, but if I had to guess it's related to unresolved emotions/problems related to your dad leaving you. But only you can figure that out. Whatever sadness I felt has never been related to your depression directly. It was because you kept kicking me out of your life. But I'm also done chasing your companionship, I can't support or help you through it if you don't want to or if you just push me further and further away when I try to move closer. I know it's uncomfortable, but you can never expect to improve or change for the better if you stay in your comfort zone, that's true for anything in life. Relationships take work. Getting good at a hobby takes work. Getting good at a job takes work. I just think you're capable of a lot more than you think, you just tend give up when you reach an obstacle. My goal as your boyfriend was to make you see that but I obviously failed and I lost you because of it. So I hope that you can see your own potential someday.

- Frank Ocean

self portrait.

I never thought of myself as a particularly good writer but in moments like these I always look to words for comfort. Maybe it’s because you need some level of understanding of what you’re going through in order to write it down, so in the process of writing, the thoughts and feelings start to become familiar and distant. Sometimes I feel like I’m perpetually stuck in the second act of a b-rated drama film. Always in the midst of new conflict, never sure how to proceed. When I feel lost I like to binge through movies directed by Wes Anderson. Something about the hyper-realistic imagery and almost cartoonish color palette reminds me that magic can and does exist in the ordinary, if you keep your eyes open for it.

Someone once told me that she thought she was a bad person. Without thinking, I told her, “I think you’re great.” Though I meant it at the time, sometimes I wish I could go back in time and tell her that I don’t believe that people are as simple as just “good” or “evil”. Life is dynamic and so too are the people who make up those experiences. To give someone a fixed label would be to dismiss the circumstances and the personal history that led to their actions. I believe anyone is capable of anything given the right circumstances. So no, I don’t believe you’re a shitty person, but I believe you did a shitty thing. But at least now you know not to do it again.

- Frank Ocean