#stream of conscience

We need water,

the sun and air,

room to grow and be rooted.

And sometimes we need to be re-potted.

We experience droughts

and bugs wriggling into our space.

The sun gets blocked out

so we curl into ourselves.

Open the windows.

Water yourself. Water each other.

Give yourself the time and space to branch out.

Give others the same.

We are all plants.

Let's grow together

There is nothing of her in you When you care to admit it, come find me You would rather be the child born Of a conscious sinner, a damned heathen With the claw marks running down her back Rather than the one who gave them to her. Not that it makes her a saint, no- Those are ordained, dipped in holy waters And she's still stained coppery along her cheeks Hurt from the smiles She put on to fool you into walking The thin white line between her jaws No, she is not one the Church call theirs. No, a barbaric religion is no wiser than one With stone in their walls And stained glass hearts. But you kneel before Any death-soaked cross that would take you If it told you it would suffer your moods You would take the beatings Because you can smile with broken teeth And you look prettiest head bowed anyway. And if it lies, well, what is a lie to a God? What is a sin to a saint? Who are you to those who made you? His eyes are not yours. There is a light present in him And that light is seen in you But blue and brown and green and gold Don't make a difference Colours can skip generations And you may have her hair But you have his hands And they were not made to pray peacefully. The gospel is spat between crooked teeth There is blood running between each letter But I only know two of the words: Amen And Father. The end and my beginning A circle that swallows itself Infinitum.

A plague of Fathers and Mothers Assembled to fill the gaps We never wanted to admit we had And the smoking, the drinking, Nothing else worked. Become numb and pray it all away. Let it drift Let it die You are your fathers daughter You are Eve and you take a bite Of all they ever denied you You are Adam in his eternal trust Taking the apple from loving fingers You are the snake from Eden You are the God that damned them You are all of us and you wear it well You are your fathers daughter.

without any clue

of what to do

with myself or my life

static in my mind

memories i can’t unwind

i’m always running out of time

because i’m stuck in a bind

having trouble trying to define

how to get my mind and my body to finally align

i’m sick and tired of always having to find

my sanity down under

deep within the ground

lost in the wonder

praying i don’t drown

quietly alone

yet never on my own

what am i supposed to do

with all these aches in my bones

i ache

i ache

i ache

and i don’t know what to do with all this physical pain

because it’s bursting through my body and i’m about to break

so i take

and i take

and i take

and i pray that my mind is not at stake

because i’m pacing around my room each day

trying hard not to make any mistakes

but im tired

god, i’m so tired

of having this storm in my chest that i can never shake

so i allow the dark clouds to consume my brain

let the rain swallow me whole so i can no longer entertain

any nihilistic idea that brings comfort to the pain

because i don’t want to be angry or to find peace in the mundane

i’ve been painted red by my mother and blue by my father

and their colors mixed together to create a violent color

an electrifying being who pierces her lovers

then cries over what she did under her covers

because she can never understand that maybe she does actually suffer

and putting others before her shouldn’t be above her