Rambling All The Time

I wanted to play with blending colors digitally for the first time. And it was really fun! I liked making a sunset for this and looking at all the pretty reference images. I would say the thing that took me the longest was easily filling in the mountains. But I liked making the clouds and trying to figure out how to make the sun brighter!

I would doodle occasionally, traditionally. And all I would draw then is roses or flowers. Or occasionally anime characters and such. However, I wouldn't say that I was very good at it.

But starting today, I wanted to learn how to draw. And to get around the lack of start-up energy I have for anything ever, I decided to make it a project so my brain would engage better.

So, I'll be doing 100 days of drawing digitally. And I want to share what I draw and be able to later look back at the progress I've hopefully made.

Today, for an hour, I drew two flowers. A lily and weeping begonias. I would say weeping begonias were WAY harder. Simply because there are SO many little individual petals, it's hard to follow using a reference lol.

I also got to take a picture of a lizard. Love lizards! There's something so fun about them. And I love catching them when I can!

I read several research documents/blog posts/personal experinces on Autistic Inertia, and since it seems to be one of the lesser things spoken about, I wanted to make a post about it. I broke down all the research papers I read into a more easy-to-understand format.

🌟 Core Definition of Autistic Inertia

Across all sources in your document, autistic inertia consistently refers to a neurological difficulty with:

Starting tasks

Stopping tasks

Switching between tasks or mental states

Transitioning between environments or sensory contexts

It is not laziness, avoidance, or lack of motivation. The document repeatedly emphasizes this, such as the line:

“It is not laziness, but a neurological ‘stuckness’ causing mental or physical paralysis.”

This “stuckness” mirrors Newton’s First Law:

“An object at rest remains at rest, and an object in motion remains in motion…”

Autistic people describe this as needing a much larger “unbalanced force” to start or stop.

🧠 What Autistic Inertia Feels Like

The document presents a remarkably consistent phenomenological picture:

1. Being mentally or physically frozen

People describe being aware of what they want to do but unable to move:

“I want to read the book next to me… but I just sit there as though I’m unable to move.”

2. Hyperfocus that becomes impossible to break

Once in motion, stopping can feel painful or disorienting:

“Once we hit hyperfocus: wow!”

3. Difficulty switching states

Transitions feel like “shape-shifting,” requiring detaching and reattaching mental “tendrils.”

4. Altered awareness

Some experience dreamlike detachment, time loss, or dissociation:

“It feels like I go completely into my head… like an out-of-body experience.”

5. Disconnection between intention and action

A major theme:

“I know what to do, I want to do it… but I just can’t.”

This disconnect can apply even to simple actions like standing up or picking up a glass.

🧩 Why It Happens: Mechanisms Identified in the Document

The research identifies multiple overlapping contributors, not a single cause.

1. Executive Function Differences

Difficulty planning

Trouble sequencing steps

Working memory lapses

Cognitive inflexibility

Monotropism (deep, narrow focus)

Example:

“Too many things need doing… can’t prioritize… the ‘blob’ of tasks.”

2. Movement / Motor Initiation Differences

Some experiences resemble mild catatonia-like features:

Freezing mid-movement

Slowed movement

Prompt dependence

“Mind-body disconnect”

Example:

“It feels like my body is frozen… a literal paralysis.”

3. Emotional Factors (but not the root cause)

Anxiety, depression, and overwhelm can worsen inertia, but:

“Even if I feel totally relaxed… some days I can’t formulate the plan.”

4. Sensory Processing

Transitions often require navigating new sensory input:

Cold air after a shower

Bright light after a dark room

Clothing textures

Environmental noise

5. Energy Depletion & Burnout

Burnout massively amplifies inertia:

“Burnout amplifies inertia one million fold.”

The Reddit study in the document shows a vicious cycle:

Can’t start → shame → low energy → harder to start

Finally start → hyperfocus → exhaustion → crash → harder to start again

🔄 The Three Forms of Autistic Inertia

The document consistently identifies three intertwined states:

1. Inertial Rest

Difficulty starting — even desired tasks.

2. Inertial Motion

Difficulty stopping — hyperfocus, flow, or compulsive continuation.

3. Difficulty Changing Course

Transitions require disproportionate cognitive, sensory, and motor effort.

This is why many describe living in “two extremes”:

“There’s nothing in between. I’m either go-go-go or can’t move.”

🧬 How It Impacts Daily Life

The document shows that inertia affects every domain:

1. Self-care

Showering

Eating

Brushing teeth

Going to the bathroom

Getting out of bed

Example:

“I’m desperate to go to the loo… but I just can’t stop scrolling.”

2. Household tasks

Laundry

Cleaning

Cooking

Maintenance

Decluttering

3. Work & School

Starting assignments

Switching between tasks

Meeting deadlines

Maintaining productivity

Avoiding burnout

4. Relationships

Initiating contact

Responding to messages

Maintaining friendships

Managing interruptions

Example:

“All relationships only work if the other person does almost all the initiating.”

5. Sense of self

Many report:

Shame

Guilt

Feeling “lazy” despite knowing they’re not

Feeling misunderstood

Feeling like life becomes “smaller”

🛠️ What Helps (According to the Document)

Across all sources, the most effective supports involve external scaffolding and reducing transition load.

1. External prompts

A person nearby (“body doubling”)

Someone giving the first step

Time-sensitive expectations

Gentle prompting

Example:

“The only thing that works is texting my stuck buddy: ‘I’m stuck.’”

2. Lowering the activation energy

Break tasks into tiny steps

“All you need to do is sit up…”

Remove barriers (physical, sensory, decision-based)

3. Routines & continuity

Keep momentum once started

Avoid unnecessary transitions

Attach new tasks to existing routines

4. Environmental design

Reduce sensory load

Use visual cues

Place needed items in the path of movement

Work in a designated space

5. Compassionate framing

Understanding inertia as neurological — not moral — reduces shame and improves functioning:

“Seeing the difficulties as disability-related rather than a character flaw allows for a gentler, more supportive approach.”

🧭 How the Document Distinguishes Autistic Inertia From Similar Issues

The research clarifies that inertia is not:

Procrastination (because it affects enjoyable tasks too)

Depression (though depression can worsen it)

ADHD task paralysis (though AuDHD people experience both)

Catatonia (though some features overlap)

Burnout (though burnout and inertia reinforce each other)

🧩 A Unified Definition (Synthesized From the Entire Document)

Autistic inertia is a neurological tendency to remain in the same cognitive, motor, or attentional state, resulting in difficulty:

starting tasks

stopping tasks

switching tasks

transitioning between sensory or mental contexts

It arises from a combination of executive function differences, motor initiation differences, sensory processing, emotional load, and energy depletion. It is involuntary, unpredictable, and often profoundly disabling — yet also linked to strengths like deep focus, expertise, and immersive flow. Here are all of my sources! :

This is my idea of what would happen if a Pink Steven conversation with Connie would go, in this situation. Since I can't draw very well I thought it would be more fun to write it out instead.

I left the gore parts out for those who might not want to read that, all expect for the mention of blood.

---------

Tick, tick, tick, 

The clock struck every second almost as if it meant to strike every nerve in his body. Ticking by slowly the sound ringing in his ear with every movement. His eyes were wide, focused on the body in front of him. His hand shook slowly, raising them to look at the harsh coloration difference of pink and red. The warm liquid cascading down his fingers and palm staining his jacket sleeves. How did it come to this? He flinched at the sound of ruffling clothes behind him, how could he forget. He slowly looked over his shoulder, there standing with blood-stained clothes and hands, Connie. This had to be a dream, the cold feeling consuming his mind had to be a trick. 

He pressed his hands to the ground, barely taking notice to the pool of blood just below him. He beckoned himself to stand, Connie, shoved her balled-up hands into her jacket. Turning around, she stared at the floor, her face scrunched up. She took a deep breath and straightened out but refused to turn around and face him.  

“We’re finally free, welcome home… it’s just you and me now, just standing alone.. The world is ours.” She muttered these words as if she was trying to fool herself, trick herself into thinking that this wasn’t one bit of her fault. A sick feeling twisted in his stomach as he listened to her voice, his vision blurring and glitching. He could see her tear-stained face as she screamed laying on top of him. He closed his eyes and shook his head. 

“No, it isn’t.” He muttered in a hushed voice, glancing to the front door of this house, harsh lights shone through the windows, lighting up the room just enough for them to see what, no, what she had caused. 

“Get in the car,” Connie commanded, her voice shook for only a second, her back still turned to him. She pushed her jacket closer to her legs. Closing her eyes as she waited for Steven to do what he was told. 

“This isn’t finished.” 

Connie spun around to face him, her eyes wide and wild, her eyes quickly darting around trying to look away before that was all they could settle on. “What.” She whispered in pure shock, slowly pulling her hands out of her jacket pockets. Steven took a deep breath and stepped back, the back of his foot bumping into the body behind him. His wide eyes glanced behind him, staring at the perfect replica of him, only it wasn’t pink.

“Even though the kids dead, I’m still seeing red,” He whipped his head to look back at Connie, his hand flying up to his head to drag his fingers through his messy hair. “I’m some shell of his form is innocence shed,” Steven spoke quickly, his words slurred with panic, his wide eyes now trained on Connie as she approached slowly. Her head tilted down, her face was no longer scrunched up in worry but in frustration. 

“He lived a good life and he gave it to you.” She muttered her voice bitter and cold, her gaze had now hardened into a glare. Steven shifted away from her, a grief-stricken smile pushing his cheeks back. He grabbed a fist full of his hair and gave her a dry laugh, looking at the ground for only a moment before he looked back up at her with nothing but rage. 

“Is that right? You know it’s not true! Look at him showered in blood and flowers! Now look in my eyes she still holds the power, after years and tears and confronting his fears he’s dead his record for the world to hear. And they all think that it was suicide but Connie I know it was you inside.” He hissed his voice laced with venom, he took a step forward forcing Connie back, his hand jerked away from his head to point at Connie. His face was twisted with rage as the words bubbled up his throat one after another. Connie could only glare at him, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. 

“I saved him, I held him to the moment he died!” She rose her voice this time, barking back at him. She took a step back raising her hands up as if she was ready for a fight. She gritted her teeth when Steven took a taller stance as if trying to overpower her with height alone. 

“You choked him out of his own goddamn mind. Promised the world to him a goddamn lie!” He yelled, his hand thrown back to gesture at the body behind him. Connie shook her head and blinked her tear away. 

“What do you want from me!?” She yelled back gritting her teeth, Steven lowered his hands and stepped next to his body. His face cold as he looked at her with nothing but hate, 

“Oh look outside yourself.” He hissed, Connie froze for a moment and took a deep breath, backing away she went back to staring at the blood-soaked floor. 

“I won’t help you take her down.” She muttered as she dropped her hands to her sides, closing her eyes as if she was in pain. She only opened her eyes when she heard Steven shuffling, she watched him step over to his body and start to pick it up. His face etched with rage and hate, he didn’t look anything like his old self. 

“Fine! I’ll do it by myself!” He yelled slowly lifting his body off the ground, his teeth bared in an animalistic kind of rage Connie had never seen before. She took a step back in shock and fear, her heartbeat ringing in her ears. Her chest swelled with so many things she needed to say, but she could only manage a few words. 

“You don’t mean it!” She took a few steps forward, reaching out to Steven only to stop short, her hands falling back to her sides, as she watched Steven pick up his body. Holding the bloody and mangled mess close to his chest. His face now calmed to a calm rage that settled a feeling of unease in Connie’s mind. 

“Oh, I know that I mean it.” He muttered stepping past Connie and closer to the door. Connie chased after him, her voice now shaking as she spoke in panic. 

“She’s been gone for years, I know you can beat it!” She yelled, Steven suddenly came to a halt causing her to bump into his back. She quickly took a few steps back as he turned around to look at her. His form glitched and his eyes wavered like he was seeing something else, he wasn’t looking at her anymore. Her stomach twisted with anxiety and she forced herself to take another step back. 

“Look in a mirror! You know we both fear her! We’re on in the same, we’re afraid to be near her! We utter the name with our spirits defeated! BUT YOU LET ME KILL HIM YOUR WORSE THAN PINK!” He gradually raised his voice along with anger and before she knew he was screaming at her. His eyes wildly searching for something that didn’t exist. She bit the inside of her cheek and shook her head. Forced to respond to the mistakes she had made, she had to say something. 

“I told you to end it.. It was all for the best…!” She yelled back weakly grabbing the chest of her shirt and tugging at it. Something bubbling up her throat as she spoke she felt sick, she didn’t want to look at what they had done any longer. 

“So I be to blame for this pain in my chest,” Steven uttered with a hate-filled tone, he looked down at Connie in disdain. Tears now dripped down Connie’s cheeks as memories flashed by in only seconds. She could feel the blood on her hands turning cold and her panic rose, she whipped her head up to look at Steven. 

“NO!” 

“If you won’t go I will. To avenge the lost I killed.” He hissed and spun back around to continue his trek out the door. Connie pulled at her shirt as she gasped between sobs, the piece of cloth now felt like it had been choking her. She took two shaky steps after Steven, calling out to him with wobbly words. 

“You’re filling your heart up with hate! All the same, as the kid-” 

“NO, no, no, no, no!” Steven screamed at her words being lost in the sound of his voice, he froze in his tracks and squeezed his eyes shut trying to block out the sound of her voice. He spun back around to look at Connie.

“Save it!” She hissed back at him, her tear-stained face not granting her any pity from him as he continued to speak to her. He spat his words as he spoke stepping over to the couch and setting his body on the cushions dirtying the once clean item with blood. 

“It’s time I made a statement of pity, this city has ruined us, we could’ve fooled everyone, just the two of us, but Pink has made a fool of us.” Steven hissed and stared back at Connie once again looking through her, his eyes searching and clouded. 

“You’re lost.” She muttered and took a step back as Steven walked toward her, she bumped into the counter behind her bloodied hands gripping onto the cold surface. Steven just kept walking as he spoke. 

“One, two, three, four. Is this what love is really for? Is this all I get for being yours? The kid in front of me in blood and gore,” He hissed and looked away from Connie, counting as if that would calm him down or bring him back to reality. “Five, six, seven, eight. Years put to waste for all I hate. They’ll all know Pink’s fate, that show’s about to start, don't be late.” He muttered the last of his words and turned toward the door, stomping his way out of the house and pushing the door out of the way.