Screams of the Void

How do you know you're not Asexual? Maybe you just haven't met the right nobody.

Second, we have decided to slaughter all our remaining human workers at our North American Frito Lay Institutions and will be replacing them all with various innocent baby animals that will inevitably be crushed into bonus flavor due to workplace hazards and lack of machine maintenance.

messed up that you can literally be better and nicer in every way and the adventuring party will still be like "waaa its a shapeshifter waaaa the real whatstheirface would never say that" like ok maybe i am a picture perfect copy of your friend that i imprisoned beneath the earth and replaced when you werent looking. so what. maybe they were a cunt. maybe i thought youd appreciate an improved version of your friend. with awesome eldritch tendrils.

save me, rice mixed with some bullshit