well, shit, gang, this gender thing is hard...

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well, shit, gang, this gender thing is hard...

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RANT
i do not feel like a girl whatsoever. there is nothing within me that feels like i am a girl. i feel like a clown who is trying to dress up as a girl. i feel like a girl in the sense that i am a wolf in sheepās clothing. there is a spotlight on me and everyone can tell that i am doing femininity wrong. i wish i could be a feminine man. i wish more than anything. i wish that i could preform femininity badly and receive applause for it. i wish that i could be a man in my real life and still wear pretty dresses and heels and have long hair. i donāt think i was mean to be a girl. i cant transition because the body that my body would become wouldnāt look like what i want. i was dealt the wrong cards entirely. i am so far off from what i know i am truly meant to be, so what is even the point in trying? i will live out my days as a woman-clown, some sort of foreign thing that no one quite recognizes.
Part of why Iām so excited for this new Ghost In The Shell show is because the 1995 movie is such a big contributor to my personal view on gender or even gender theory. It intersects a lot with Legacy Russellās Glitch Feminism as well as Gilbert Ryleās definition of the āghost in the machineā (despite the fact that the whole point of his coining of the phrase is that he doesnāt believe in it, lol).
Thereās more I have to say about this but I should organize it in better notes. Just felt like word vomiting an initialā¦thesis? Statement of intent? Hypothesis? I donāt know. Out of my depth I guess, though what does it matter.
Anywho, I hope you all have a very gender day!!!
Gender is a pantomime & i have broken out of the invisible box

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Canāt convince me this album cover isnāt forcemasc
Yeah youāre right The Strokes, my reality as a cowboy does await me
I lowkey get confused if anyone calls me einar cus like
Why do remember that
Why do you care
Like wth
wait if i am kinda nb/ag and femenine leaning does that make me transfem