everybody is going to heaven

You can lie when you name things

Parents are giving their children names no one has ever spoken out loud before

Baby Name Consultant is the type of job title you'd see people claim to have on HGTV while nitpicking 3 different multi-million dollar houses.

It is imperative that the customer remain unaware that employees drink water, it frightens and scares them to think of an employee as having human needs

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"

Putting the term "Catholic guilt" on a high shelf where fandom can't reach it until everyone learns how to identify characters who are very very clearly coded as Protestant.

Normal groceries like milk or bread or whatever running out is whatever. Just anotha day. But when stuff like salt or cooking oil or rice runs out it feels like You’re supposed to be here for me and you’re leaving. You’re just like everyone else

the bus is never going to come because im a bad person

Crazy to think that seagulls existed before french fries.

Medieval seagull struggling to fly away with an entire purloined potatoe