AroAce4AroAce Binary System: a Guide to My Most Complicated YumeShip
Figure I should probably get this out while itβs still Pride Month. I have been rotating this in my mind for a while now, and I thought it might be something people were interested in. I will separate this idea into two seperate posts, focusing on the aromanticism and the asexuality respectively, with the sexual aspect being posted separately with a readmore (and kept as PG as possible), which can be found here. -> (Part 2: Asexuality)
When I say both Brett and Rikki are aroace, bear in mind that it doesnβt mean they experience it in the same way. For both romantic and sexual attraction, it comes down to their microlabels. How aware they each are of these microlabels isnβt necessarily relevant, as the terms are applicable even without feeling the need to label it themselves.
And finally, I feel the need to add the disclaimer that yes, I am fully aware that I am characterizing Brett Larz off of about 6 minutes of screentime at the time of writing this post. You will find that I simply do not care. If Jonny and Alex didnβt want me running off with the only living American in their portfolio and making my own headcanons about him, they should have kept a closer eye on him (or at least, not just leave him in my custody for almost a full year).
Lithoromantic - Can experience romantic attraction toward someone, but doesnβt want/need that person to reciprocate, and might even lose attraction if they do.
Romance Ambivalent - Has complicated/mixed feelings toward romantic interactions.
Brett doesnβt experience attraction frequently, but in his younger years, he did not hesitate before acting on those feelings. He was rarely rejected, but found the reality of the average relationship to be suffocating. The ways in which he prefers to show love are widely considered cold or lacking, prioritizing ensuring safety and autonomy for both himself and his partner over emotional warmth, and he found that his partners in question were looking for something in him that he knew he couldnβt comfortably provide. In those younger years, he tried to fit the mold for his partnersβ sake, but would grow resentful of how fake and unsatisfying it all would feel as a result. These relationships rarely ended well, with either Brett getting fed up with feeling forced to love in a way that didnβt come naturally or his partner catching on to his artificiality and walking away. Now, he finds it best to just appreciate the feeling of romantic attraction from afar, letting thoughts and fantasies entertain him in his quiet moments, but never getting closer to the subject than that.
Idemromantic - Cannot tell the difference between romantic and platonic attraction, and as such will use external factors to differentiate the two.
Romance Indifferent - Is neither favorable toward nor repulsed by romantic interactions.
Rikki is someone who never really worked out how to identify their emotions, let alone their attraction. They are also a person whose natural state of being is solitary, so experiencing even platonic attraction is a rarity for them. As such, the few romantic relationships in their past were all friends to lovers type of deals, and in them Rikki found they couldnβt identify any notable change in how they felt, leading them to decide that a partner is just a friend that can be trusted more freely than others. While this definition worked for them, it often led to friction when their partnersβ expectations didnβt align with their own. Some parted amicably, seeing it as just an incompatibility. Others lashed out, calling them a waste of time and energy. Both of these reactions proved to Rikki that the degree of discussion and negotiation that has to be had for a harmonious partnership was not something to be taken lightly. This is why they choose to remain single, and only when approached romantically by a friend with perceived potential to handle the complications that come with dating them will they even entertain the notion of becoming something more.
Brett is the one to identify his feelings toward Rikki first. He enjoys the time they spend together and has had the occasional daydream on what a romantic relationship with them could look like, but as the start of their current relationship was rocky and hostile on both ends, heβs even more averse to admitting his feelings to them than he normally would be. He is aware that Rikki is aroace due to the background check he did on all the staff of the OIAR, but canβt be sure about how it presents itself in them as itβs unlikely to be the same as himself. Rikki is largely unaware of his feelings, but does see Brett as someone who could be considered for a partnership if he were to approach them about it. With these two mindsets working in tandem, safe to say the talking/crush phase lasts significantly longer than it would in the average relationship. Pushing all the build up and plot to the side as itβs irrelevant to this particular post, when Brett finally does tell Rikki how he really feels, itβs at the tail end of a very stressful situation, and they both agree to give each other a couple of days to settle down and think things over before meeting up at Rikkiβs flat for The Talkβ’.
Rikki is the one to initiate it, as theyβve practiced this speech a hundred times before, even if this is the first time theyβve actually given it. They tell him about how they largely donβt differentiate between a friend and a romantic partner, with the change coming only with the additions of physical affection (only in private, they arenβt big on PDA), more open and honest communication, maybe the occasional date, and trusting each other with their personal space and boundaries, which can be renegotiated at any time when either feels uncomfortable. Apart from that, they assure him things donβt have to drastically change from their current arrangements, as they greatly enjoy their dynamic and wouldnβt mind continuing to operate as they have been for the past few months.
Brett had gone into this conversation expecting the worst. He hadnβt known about the way they handle romantic relationships, and heβs hesitant about the new, unfamiliar arrangement. But, as he was the one who opened the door to this, he chooses to give it a chance. And, to his private astonishment, it works. At first, he fell into old habits, trying to pretend to be the perfect boyfriend with grand gestures and extravagant dates, but it only takes a matter of days before Rikki cuts him off of that, reaffirming that he doesnβt need to get elaborate about all of this, that they can take it at his pace instead of just jumping into the deep end from the word βGo.β So, he settles down, paces himself, and finds that the more utilitarian type of love he was more inclined toward was welcomed openly, reciprocated even.
In the end, this relationship doesnβt look especially romantic from the outside looking in. Neither one spends time gushing about the other, they donβt act particularly affectionate around each other, and they still seem to spend a lot of time bickering over every little thing. But, Brett brings Rikki lunch on days where he knows they overslept and couldnβt pack one themself. Rikki will sometimes pick a silly, petty fight to take Brettβs mind off of his problems. Both feel safe enough to sleep at night, knowing the other person wouldnβt let anything bad happen to them. Both know that if they feel something isnβt working, they donβt have to be afraid of the other lashing out, that theyβll talk as long as it takes for them to come to an agreement on whatever problems arise. Itβs a relationship built on trust and communication rather than attraction, and neither one can think of a better outcome than the one they found.
