not a dr

my writing: everything I've written that I feel is worth preserving (since I started the tag, anyway)

theory posting: my desire to seek to understand the fundamentals of the male psyche and what forms the foundation of patriarchy

wisdom posting: all that I have learned in the process of my period of rapid growth and development. this isn't banal lifeless statements of positivity; true wisdom is hard-won, constructed by bloody hands out of hopeful desperation. and you can't attain true wisdom without true empathy, and you can't do that without (radical) feminism.

symbolic states: a theory I have developed on a state of mind that I experienced for ~10 years whereby one's relationship with reality/the fundamentals of cause and effect is fractured and an overlay of aesthetic/narrative/ritual is applied to all perception of reality, forming the trance-like 'symbolic state'.

partisan posting: where I directly engage with radical feminism and leftism together, and call out radblr's tendency to lean centrist in nature, as well as the tendency to use right-wing sources to 'own the transes'. If you're unfollowed/blocked, that's probably because I saw you share the daily mail at some point.

I’m going to answer this in good faith, but bear in mind I am a straight woman and so I’m not going to be an expert on this. I have debated over the years over whether or not I’m bi because I’m not disgusted by women or pussy. But I personally believe that’s a natural part of the straight experience - since I have a vagina etc., it’s only natural that I wouldn’t be entirely disgusted by interacting with one sexually, and that I would empathise with the sexual experiences of other women. It makes a lot more sense that homosexual people would be actively repulsed by the genitals/secondary sexual characteristics they’re not sexually attracted to moreso than straight and bi people.

From what I’ve learned, a lot of closeted lesbian women start off by knowing that they are repulsed by men moreso than being actively attracted to women. But by a certain age I would say if you’re not actively attracted to women or pussy you’re probably not a lesbian/bi. After all, as lesbians have repeatedly stated, attraction is an active process, not a passive one, and any belief that we should merely put up with a sexual experience is lesbophobic/conversion therapy rhetoric. And regardless, whilst it’s fine in theory to experiment, I can’t imagine any lesbian/bi woman feeling comfortable interaction sexually with a woman who doesn’t actively desire her; it’s not fair to put her through that. After all, would you want to find out that the person eating you out merely wasn’t ‘disgusted’ by you?

The thing about men is that 1. We’ve been societally conditioned out of embracing actively being attracted to them on a physical level, 2. They are disgusting as people and 3. They make no attempt to be sexy. This combination makes life as a straight woman very difficult - it’s hard to pinpoint if your disgust towards men is because you’ve never had a fully consensual experience with one/‘settled’ for the nearest man who shows you attention, or if you know you desire them on a physical level but their personalities and behaviour repulse you/‘give you the ick’.

Your questioning about your sexuality reminds me of my own thoughts - I understand deeply wishing you are at least bi, because you are disillusioned with men but still desire sex and romantic relationships. But true respect for women means not seeing them as a backup option for getting your rocks off. It’s a sad reality, but there we go. It’s a long slow grief process for me realising that I know too much to have romance or sex ever again.