#1 Animatronic Simpathizer

HINT: you can move my white ass using the arrow keys.

U dont understand i had to write the first 70,000 words because if i didnt the sex wouldnt be as perilous or emotionally fraught. Which is the POINT.

Sometimes you log on to tumblr dot com and see your beloved mutuals thirsting over unrisen sourdough men and you have to say a very very quiet ‘pass’ to yourself and let it go because inevitably the flat circle of time will bring around your turn to go gaga over some butterface dude or bug eyed girl and you must know that your beloved mutuals are saying a quiet ‘pass’ to themselves and leaving you to your moment of insanity in peace.

AO3 should have an Annotation Mode where you can click to view all of the author's commentary and thoughts about certain parts of the work. A little comment that says "I spent five hours researching vintage radio mechanics for this and didn't even end up using it" or "this is an ancient Hebrew literary technique!" would make my day

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

pining is 100000% the most important aspect of pre-relationship fic for me. good-natured whole-hearted pining filled with lovelorn gazing and chest aching and fluttering touches, that’s my top priority. i was put on this earth to watch characters suffer over the profundity of their love for another person. unrequited love is why god made me. characters finding out that their feelings are reciprocated after long months/years of suffering is why the universe was assembled from nothingness. amen.

don’t ever kill your self because maybe someday you will get brunch with your tumblr mutual

I cannot stand how people interpret Dandy sometimes. Why is he always turned into some soft little “pudgy flower boii… >///<” like no. That takes all the fun out of him and just makes him boring. I like Dandy when he’s a complete comedic asshole. Like “I care about you guys!” and then immediately goes to stare at himself in the mirror for ten minutes because he just said something he thinks was super deep. That version is actually funny. And it’s not even headcanon, he literally acts like this. He’s super egotistical, selfish, greedy, and thinks he’s better than everyone. He straight up tells Vee she’ll never be as popular as him. Says Poppy Pop would’ve sold better if his face was on it. Acts like Teagan banned him from tea parties because she was “too nervous around a star” instead of him probably just being annoying. He makes Dyle do stuff for him and somehow frames it like he’s the one doing them a favor. He even takes Dyle’s earnings like it’s normal. That’s not a soft innocent guy. That’s a guy who fully believes he’s the main character of reality. And his friendships are kinda not as balanced as people pretend either. Not trying to say Dandy and Astros friendship is toxic, it’s not, but Dyle actually notices stuff about Astro and helps him out. Dandy will say he appreciates Astro, sure, but he doesn’t really show it or notice things the same way. And Dyle doesn’t even have those fake “we grew up together” memories and still pays more attention. That says a lot. So yeah, people freaking out about “making Dandy too evil” is kinda funny to me. Because honestly I’d rather have “too evil” than “too innocent.” At least evil Dandy still feels like Dandy. Innocent Dandy is just boring. My favorite version is still the idea that he started off sweet but got way too much praise and attention and it just inflated his ego into this mess. Now he’s like a walking ego with flower petals. And that’s why he’s funny. He’s like “I’m better than all of you obviously” and then immediately “anyway I care about you guys” like that fixes everything. That’s the Dandy I like. Full main character syndrome, kind of a jerk, but entertaining as hell.

Everything said here is TRUEST OF TRUE!!! I'm sick and TIRED of innocent baby Dandy. Make him a jerk!!! He can be morally grey and still a jerk!!!