どうしよう？！

MY AWKWARD FLIRTING ATTEMPTS WERE A GREAT SUCCESS GIRLS BE AMBITIOUS

>go to graduate student lab to focus >thinking people will be working and inspire me >everyone is goofing off >mfw

>huge scrape on my car and a note

>~$650 worth of medical bills to pay

>person who agreed to room with my back in October just said she found a better offer and is leaving me high and dry

Just tweaked my OKC profile to cut out 90% of the nerd shit. I listed a couple anime I like; other than that, I took out all the tabletop stuff, almost all of the vidya stuff, and changed my profile picture to a more normal-looking one.

This should at least limit the number of "you are perfect" messages I get from guys like this:

Expectation:

Reality:

Date 2 with OKC guy in about a half hour, and I don't know how to feel.

I mean, I feel nervous, but it's more of the feeling of "ugh wanna stay home and play video games", so I guess it's just avoidance.

I mean we get along really well, and have so many interests in common, but the first impression of him (in terms of attractiveness) was just so...meh.

My friends here all chalked it up to it being a 9:30 AM breakfast date and us both being tired as hell (true), but...I dunno.

Maybe it's because I'm not used to this whole dating thing. I'm used to meeting a guy IRL, starting to like him, then going out on dates and stuff. I'm not used to this "eh let's just go out and see if feelings develop".

I think I'm just kind of afraid of having an awkward time, and having to say "hey, uh, I know we did two dates, but I don't feel it working." I know it's totally fine to do it, too, but it's just...augh.

I think my standards are just too high. I always say I know what I'm looking for, but maybe I don't. Maybe I've just got this fantasy vision in my head of what I want, and anything that isn't remotely like it just gets booted.

I went to the bar the other night, and off-handedly I said "hey that guy's cute". I was drunk enough to pop up and say hi, get a feel for him, but after talking to him for a half hour, it was pretty clear that we weren't a good match. (Plus he was younger and an undergrad, ew.)

The whole thing made me feel better about this guy, because I'm like "phew, I have a better option", but I think it made things worse, since I started trying to make this OKC guy out to be perfect in my head.

I really need to tell my head to shut up and stop planning so far ahead. I should just enjoy this, have a good time tonight, relax a little.

I think that's going to be the hardest part. Just relaxing and having fun, and not trying to overanalyze every little thing. You don't have to fucking marry the guy, just...enjoy yourself. If it goes well, it goes well. If it doesn't, then oh well.