Fictional Geographies

And in these next 50 years you will eat so many delicious meals, laugh so many times with so many people you love, shout and scream and sing and cry and smile so hard your face hurts. And you will see such beautiful sunsets and feel fresh cold air on your face and feel warm and safe wrapped up in your favourite winter coat.

I wrap this blessing around you like a shroud, so that no ill can find you, and every warmth is held close

This is what I mean when I say “bless you” after someone sneezes

one thing about me is that I'm looking stuff up. you mentioned something and I don't know it? I am pulling out my phone and googling that shit. an actor? theoretical physics? a world leader? a vocabulary word? I am on the wikipedia page as we speak

get in the robot Shiitake

MECHAMUSH

Imagine washing up on Dinotopia and getting a talk saying "unfortunately, you can't escape this island! You'll never go home or see your loved ones ever again" & then while you're crying they say "I'm sorry, you'll just have to live on the island of dinosaur communism for the rest of your life" and you look up through your bleary eyes and go. Wait what

6.) woman flees across frozen tundra from evil mechanical whales from another dimension 7.) frightend young boy is chased through forest by the Wild Hunt and their eldritch hounds

8.) Baba Yaga has kidnapped you and prepares to cannibalize you as part of a hearty and well-balanced meal  9.) Drinking a stolen soda at the bottom of the Mariana Trench and burping from the highly-pressurized gas 10.) mute woman has quiet sexy encounter with an amphibious monster in an aquarium 11.)  n00b necromancer digs up bones from a church graveyard for the first time, crying with guild and anxiety as angry spirits murmur in anger at her trespassing

12.) Hiding scared and alone in the dark as the fabric of reality is unwoven by interdimensional forces beyond our understanding, and the world as we know it comes to a dark and brutal end 13.) Amateur cryptid-hunter hikes alone through woods on a breezy summer’s day, searching for evidence of the paranormal and oblivious to danger 14.) lesbian lumberjack chops down tree in the early morning while thinking dreamily about her new wife

15.) Waiting on a cliff over the Irish sea, impatiently awaiting the return of your beloved gay selkie bride 16.) Sitting in the woods, minding your own business, when some Elf LARPers walk by 17.) Typing angry messages on a Justice League fan forum about why Batman is not overrated, while sitting alone in the Batcave 18.) Sleeping in on a rainy day while a cat purrs on your chest and someone makes you breakfast and tea 19.) Drifting in and out of sleep on a crisp April night in the woods 20.) Chilling on a riverbank under the summer sun 21.) Standing on the Innsmouth shoreline contemplating your inevitable transformation into a fishperson and your descent beneath the waves; you can hear your ancestors calling you

Concept: financially struggling biology student discovers that the reason her monthly data bill is so high is because an ant colony in her basement has been stealing her wi-fi.

@caffeinewitchcraft

@aaaanko

One way ticket to Themyscira please….