lookin' down the barrel of the devil's gun

No to all of that. Are you trying to ruin a poor kid’s Halloween? Damn you stone cold.

Candy corn’s good, but no - it doesn’t belong in trick or treat buckets. That’s meant for chocolate - Snickers and Kit Kats and shit like that. And I’ve never had one of those root beer barrels, so I’m gonna say no…?

I’m still looking for costume suggestions too, actually. Got any good ideas?

Candy corn is fantastic. Sugar in tri-colored corn shapes is a known delicacy, among the young and old alike. And the root beer barrels are awful.

I saw someone say slutty Zelda, so I know the possibilities are truly endless. It depends on how much you want to shell out versus how outside the box you want to go. I’d say a Power Ranger (particularly the white one) or Elizabeth Berkley from her time in Showgirls.

I gonna have to say meet me in the parking lot at 2:15 after school because only the unloved like candy corn. But I’ll only lightly kick your shin because we agree on the root beer barrels.

I’m certain I would have remembered getting married.

You are invited. It’s a invitation for everyone, so don’t pout.

It’s common law at this point. We’ll just have a really big reception and cross ourselves so our parents don’t flip out on us. I’m bringing the fun, but you have to promise actually try to have it.

Are you literally five years old or do you just have a special interest in making every grown adult in the immediate vicinity hate you?

Pero like... it’s so fun. Fine, I can adult. But only because I’m trying to impress you. Blah, blah, blah. I don’t wanna hear Mariah Carey make her whole years paycheck in the last three months of the year. Better?

I was starting to think you had disappeared or something.

Unfortunately for my haters and fortunate for you, I am not anywhere but here. If you want the logistics, I’ll put a bat signal in the air just follow it doc.

I…Usually, I do the confusing. I am the confuser. Not…the confusee. Do we mean..actually smokin’ someone’s ass? ‘Cause the image i’m gettin’ is decidedly not fantastic.

PUBLIC QUESTIONS:

What is your guilty pleasure song?

Dreaming Of You- Selena.

Is there a song that calms you down?

I Just Want to Hang Around You- La India.

What about one that you love to dance to?

El Tiburon- Proyecto Uno.

Toast- Koffee.

Name a song on the soundtrack of your favorite movie

Darling Nikki- The Purple Rain Soundtrack.

Name a song you can’t stand or hate.

Perfect- Ed Sheeran.

What song makes you feel sexy?

She’s Always in My Hair- D’Angelo.

A bit of both?

But you have that whole “save me, I’m too beautiful to be poor” look going on. I’m almost certain someone’s out there like “damn I wanna punish HER”.

I am going to stab you with a candy cane. Slowly. So it hurts.

You promise? That fits the aesthetic so well! It merges the spooky and the Christmas. Just make sure to tell the vampires their juice has a little extra tingle to it because of the mint.