WHEN YOU'RE GOOD TO MAMA...

I understand that the world is seemingly about to spiral once again, to the surprise of no one, but the show, as they say, must go on. And it’s with great pride that I announce the official opening of the sister company to Plaisir, Le’Desir. We’ll be selling all kinds of toys, clothing, gear or furniture you might need for your scenes, all in the best quality possible. I invite you all to visit Plaisir this weekend, where we’ll be showing off the new products and offering discount on a few of them. Come, see everything for yourself, and enjoy.

I could never say no to a little luxury in the face of, once again, global meltdowns. Especially since it’s not threatening my funds for a change.

Damn, Val, you stone cold. I’m not even Danish?? #not all aryans, ya feel? We can’t all be luscious latinas like smh. 

But forreal forreal, I thought you’d be more savvy than having to broaden your horizons and shit. Like, I ain’t mad though. Maybe you’ll learn something in the process. 

And trust, I def don’t need any tutoring in bitchy- ya girl too her A Levels in bitchy ✌️✌️

You are welcome to close your eyes and throw a dart into the general area of Europe and Scandinavia.

Things seem to be taken care of almost as soon as they happen, huh? That’s a good sign though, isn’t it? That things are getting back to normal.

Of course, Miss! I’m always happy to lend a hand when I can.

Emphasize on almost. Let’s not jinx this lovely streak of non-destruction we got going right now.

That’s the spirit! So, hey, speaking of spirit. When’s my first recital thing? People are asking.

Well, how ready do you feel to go up against some people this summer?

You give out benevolent vibes, you get ‘em right back. Pffft, never trashy. I gotchu, Miss. Forreal forreal, do you want me to include the shibari20 thing or nah? Y’know, i gotta carefully craft the vibes I put out. 

Hm. Sure, why not. 10% discount, limited until the end of March for first time customers.

…You may have a point, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. What is your goal, anyway? Distraction? To bother me? Discourage me? Because I can tell you right now it is not going to work. Anything you throw at my direction will only make me more eager to achieve my goals.

My goal, for the most part, is to just be honest. if I can knock some sense into you in the process, far be it from me to avoid that. So please, prove me wrong.

I’d think you’d prefer Moan, if we’re gonna be real honest here. You know, I don’t think Malia would be opposed to that kind of advertisement at all.

There’s a time and place for either. Of course she wouldn’t. I will -- hear her out, if nothing else.

What’s the difference between a day outfit and a night outfit? Like, why is what I wear at a coffee shop at 10am suddenly unacceptable when the sun goes down? Who came up with these rules? It’s like the no wearing white after Labor Day. If anyone can explain this to me before I fall asleep, they can buy me a drink.

Oh I can’t wait for to local production of Legally Blonde to spawn at this invitation and sort it all out.

Word on the street ( okay, word from Kat ) was that you could use a lil’ bit of marketin’. And since I’m suuuuuuuper benevolent and nice, I’ll totally put out an insta post for your studio. I’ll @ y’all and everythin’, if y’all have an insta handle. It’ll be a good shoutout, considerin’ all the switches n’ stuff who follow me after all my social media blasts from the riot. 

Who knew one could get a marketing team this easy. Like I told Kat -- go ahead, so long as it’s not trashy. If this turns out to be useful, maybe I’ll go full Influencer and come up with a discount code. Include shibari20 for free ropeburn!

Careful. You keep this up for too long and people will start believing you have a heart.

Well, I suppose if there is something I love, it is money.

Like, trashed as in broke in a ransacked the place? That’s pretty brutal, Miss. I’m not- I don’t do that sort of thing, mark aside, but if you need help with cleaning up or installing new locks or anything, I could def help! I’ve done that sort of thing for Miss Sophia before, so it wouldn’t be too difficult for me to do again.

Been a while and shit’s been cleaned up since, but I appreciate the enthusiasm. In case the world falls to shit again, I know who to call. 

Damn, shit must be getting r o u g h out there if you’re tryna broaden your business #like that. I s2g I’d pay BIG money just to get to Domme your ass. 

You think about getting, like, a deadbolt or some shit? Like, damn. They’re not that hard to install.

I’m sorry, were we living in the same city the past few months or were you off to sleep-away camp in Denmark or wherever they make staple blonde people to take a base course in bitchy to try and keep up?

Way to show your age– fuckin’ Yelp. Really? I’ll get Malia to post somethin’ on Insta.

I think Yelp is pretty on brand for me, but, I’m not opposed to a little wider spread advertisement. Do I need to pose in front of a ludicrously spray-painted wall with a flogger to make it?

I think it’s good of you to extend your services, Miss. If Switches are now going to be scening, it’s important for them to do so responsibly, and having expertise is always welcome. Things are different in theory than in practice.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again -- tossing people into situations that has great potential for harm if treated irresponsibly is a terrible idea. And the classes are great, I’m sure, but we all know how much of what we studied in school we actually apply to real life.

I don’t you to motivate myself, Val, I can do that very easily by myself. Besides, you’re gonna have to try a lot harder than that to unease me. I know you too well, there’s nothing you can throw at me anymore.

You know, I think you do. You need someone like me. Because everyone else is either too lulled by your perceived skills or too afraid to speak to you in case that tempts you into one of your senselessly long-winded rambles to actually be honest with you. And please, you’ve barely seen anything I’m capable of.

Congrats to all the lives you’re going to ruin ‘cause of this.

Sometimes lives need to be ruined a little to explore their fullest potential. Feel free to leave a Yelp review to welcome in the new flock.

Very noble of you to allow new people to pay for your services, Valentina. I’m sure people will be lining up for the kind of one-on-one treatment only you can offer. We at Plaisir prefer our place to not be trashed at all and our standards to be maintained, but who are we to stay anything? Best of luck in your new endeavor.

I know, I should have added charitable to that list. It was a long and hard few weeks I spent thinking about this but as a real beacon of benevolence and warmth of the city, I figured it was my duty to welcome those who’ve been excluded before into a way of truer seeing.