There’s also the perception problem brought on by memetic mutation, where memes are better known than source material. So, people tend to think of these as exemplars of the characters:
Kirk kisses all the alien girls! Picard is reading ancient literature on the sex planet! Hur hur!
Is being held hostage by a shapeshifting ex-Captain having a psychotic episode
The woman kissing him is attempting to use Alien Magic Roofie Viagra as an interrogation tactic
He is not consenting. Ten minutes prior he was being tortured. He is not OK right now.
This is after he tries repeatedly to make this not happen, knowing she is not only also under duress, but having a mental health crisis of her own.
The information they are trying everything to get out of him is the password to beam out of a high security mental health facility.
That code is the correct countermove in a 3D chess match Captain Nerd played against his Vulcan boyfriend who calculates high energy physics problems in his head for fun.
This drives Spock to distraction
I repeat, this is a man who teases his boyfriend about beating him at chess by using his winning move as a password because Spock’s fractional eye twitch makes his day.
Is only there because his therapist, first officer, and doctor forced him to take a vacation after he snapped at people because he had to play diplomat for like, a month.
Is sulking because the woman he wants to go warp ten with conspired with “Where There’s A Will There’s A Way” Riker to send him to Sandals Sex Resort Planet.
Literally, he is doing this only because his crush has the power to kick him off the ship by force, and it was go quietly or Look Bad In Front of His Crush
Who again, is well aware he wants to Pon her Farr and conspired to send him to Sandals Sex Resort Planet
He has, therefore, resolved that he Will Not Have Fun to Show Them All that This Is Dumb And He’s Fine Actually
He is immediately macked on, braced by Ferengi, discovers the “souvenir” Willing-and-able Riker asked for is a portable Uber Delivery Sex Edition charm (and he definitely isn’t having sex on sex planet when the woman he wants to Dixon-Hill-down ordered him there,) and braced by the woman that lip wrestled him before time travelling aliens inform him that his destiny is to spend the weekend doing Indiana Jones Shit.
Well, if it’s in the timeline! Can’t go against the timeline! 🤷🏼♂️
Spends the rest of his weekend swashing every buckle in sight, swapping phaser fire and witticisms with three separate factions, one of whom he’s supposed to be in league with
While secretly playing against everyone
While hurling misdirection and smoldering looks at his local femme fatale
AND THEN DEFINITELY DIDN’T FUCK 😉😉😉
And then returns to his ship and refuses to give anyone the satisfaction of kissing and telling
Simply answering the question of, “did you at least have a good time?” With a smirk and, “uh-huh.”
Kirk is a nerd in committed relationship with the galaxy’s most most edgy Vulcan rebel. He plays chess and listens to his boyfriend play lute and desperately tries to get people to stop kissing him while he’s discussing ethics and philosophy.
Picard can’t get through the day without at least one fight, spat, or suave seduction, and that absolute disaster of a Frenchman is known as a diplomat solely and only because he does shit like stare down Klingons on Q'onos and inform them that they may test his willingness to throw hands “at their earliest convenience.”
jbbartram-illu
origamiaround
