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Hunger. The ravenous beast that he’d tried to remain dormant with all his willpower came to life as soon as the door to his lonely apartment shut. Just as the silence began to creep into the empty crevices of his mind, curling around his head and holding a deathly grip on it like a vice. The famine that had clung to his body for a month was beginning to lash out at him, his stomach begging him for food.

The very thought made his lips tremble, made stress coil around his heart like a serpent curling itself around and around. Inanition ravaged through his body, his mind giving into his one desire: to eat.

His weakening state trembled, every muscle in his body despising himself. Despising this… thing that he was - this utterly helpless thing that he despised with his entire being. This monster that ravaged through streets, that lurked down dark alleys and awaited for innocuous souls to fall victim to him. The monster that had managed to take away every small thing that possibly mattered to the boy - from the very body he used to hold full possession of down to even the miniscule details in his life.

Like the careless school days he had, the passion he’d had for volleyball.

Even as the tears began to form in his eyes, his eyes that gleamed of ruby red that shone brighter than the luscious fruits that clung to the branches in the heart of the Amazon rainforest, he couldn’t control himself.

He couldn’t control that impulse, not as the fridge beckoned his being towards it, his stomach gurgling with delight as he flung open the door and the scent entered his nose. A deluge of enticing scents that he was also acutely repulsed by; the fact that he even instinctly enjoyed the scent made him want to throw up. Yet he couldn’t control the hand that was twitching, reaching out in anticipation for the meat that he’d stored in there.

Yet an image flashed inside his mind, one that brought him to his senses; albeit halfheartedly. Still wishing to reach out, to grab the food he’d laid in the fridge. Yet it caused him to freeze.

Frozen in place, he felt his earth shattering beneath his feet once more; a tidal wave of guilt crashing down on his solitary figure that caused his hand to drop to his side. Convulsed, disgusted by even entertaining the thought of… eating that. He bit down on his lip, the tangy, metallic taste of blood coating his tongue.

He didn’t move to wipe the blood; didn’t so much as dare to move an inch. He just stood there, salty tears intermingling with the blood that painted his lips, tainting them a darkened red.

He couldn’t move, even if he wanted to. Every primal instinct that had forced his body to get the food that was in front of him had simmered. Like an incandescent candle that gets blown out by a mere dousing of water. A sharp dagger of guilt and remorse twisted in his gut, and he suddenly snapped.

With a forceful slam, the fridge door was closed.

And there were tears, as clear as crystals running down his face. Unrelentless, and the felt the bile rising up in his throat even though he was too famished to even throw up anything sans for coffee.

You.

He cursed himself, a string of colourful words passing through his exhausted lips as he remembered the scene. It played itself over and over again, a repetitive tune that he could never forget. A memory that clung to the darker parts of his mind, the vividity of it rekindling itself every once in a while. It was as though your restless soul had left a part of itself inside his being, a reminder of what he’d done; a reminder that he should never forget.

That he should never forget the look upon your face when you realised he’d deceived you.

When he’d muffled your screams, not allowed anyone to know what, exactly, had happened to the sweet young girl who sat behind him in his classes. He hadn’t left a trace behind, yet the footprints on his soul couldn’t be undone. They were permanent etched upon his soul, tainting his heart with onyx contrition.

That look of terror, that helpless look of inevitable doom at the revelation that he’d caught you hook, line, and sinker. The swirling emotions that had swam within your murky (E/C) eyes before they lost the light within them completely, before the lifeforce was forced out of you; consumed by him. The boy who you’d loved.

The boy who’d loved you unknowingly. Yet he hadn’t ever managed to grasp that fact. The fact that he’d love you unconditionally. He’d just let you slip through his fingers like sand, not gripping even one grain.

His throat constricted, a shaky exhale managing to shudder out of his body before the vice-like grip around his neck tightened anymore, and he once again inwardly cursed this… thing.

Every impulse had gone onto red alert, screaming at him for food. Nutrition. Anything to keep him alive.

But he didn’t want it. He didn’t want the guilt, the monotonous life he lead echoed nothing of the success he’d once dreamt for. Just morose melancholia that wept for the man he could’ve been had he not yielded to the monster within.

Hell, he deserved it, really. Deserved the howling pangs of emptiness that filled his body. This vessel that he’d once treated as though it were as holy as a temple.

He deserved it really. The starvation that wrecked his body a bit more everyday.