but in the long tresses of your hair / i am a grappling hook

the beach that. makes you dead

damn... he's some stone cold mother fucker huh? kind of a badass... wouldnt want to cross him on a bad day

walking down the street with my 250 year old transgender elf gf and the other elves are glaring at her whispering cradle snatcher... predator... creep... and she grips my hand a little tighter, I wordlessly squeeze her hand back and stretch, revealing the handle of my dark killing blade, and they swiftly scatter and hide in their homes. she smiles, and I swear to you, she's more radiant than the sun, more precious than life itself, and she tells me "you're so widely feared for someone your age,"

if i manage to nobly eek out some small measure of enjoyment from watching a straight youtube man, he should be honored. he should understand how lowly he is. and he should not, under any circumstances, remind me that he is attracted to women.

a girl was born in 1986. she is still alive today and just had her fortieth birthday. how is this possible?

Doll-bratting by blinking at you twice before obeying

Can't believe i have to say this but no matter what we can NOT let that suffering child out of the basement, no matter how much you might want to. They would honestly be better off figuring out how to get out on their own, right? Like if one of us tries to let them out then they might feel forced to stay in the basement forever if you think about it. The journey out of the basement is so so important we can't disrupt that right?

Lancelot: Egad sire! Look at that. King Arthur: Hm, rare to see a VW Beetle this far north. Not impossible, mind.

I’m gonna propose “I guess you haven’t read the silmarillion then :/” as a default response to anyone not understanding a reference to something obscure. even if it’s not remotely Tolkien related. I want to build up a perception that perhaps the sum total of human knowledge is contained in the silmarillion

I'm so glad that that truncated fucking ran-into-a-wall-at-speed tadpole-ass looking squirrel only lives in high altitude forests in Borneo bc this means I am extremely unlikely to encounter one in my day to day life. thank god

DID YOU MAKE THIS BLOG SIMPLY TO TORMENT ME

WHERE IS THE REST OF YOU