Onwards to glory!

Like if the world were honest and there were no monopolies and governments had enough money to provide for all of us and the billionaires weren’t hurting people to make their wealth and voting was accessible and justice systems were just I probably wouldn’t care that there are billionaires.

okay, but imagine:

wednesday is at the local library with her father, searching the shelves for a book uncle fester told her about dangerous animals in south america. Gomez strikes up a conversation with the elderly librarian mrs. phelps to help wednesday find what they are looking for.

“That one? Or, Mr. Addams - I’m afraid it’s been checked out.”

a squeaky wheel catches wednesday’s attention, and right past her walks a girl with an ENTIRE red-rocket wagon topped full of books. the girl carefully looks over each book and drops them carefully into the book-return

that’s when wednesday sees it - the book she’s been looking for.

wednesday walked slowly up to the girl’s wagon, and touched the cover.

“I just finished that one,” the girl says. wednesday straightens up. “It has a fascinating chapter on the red-bellied piranhas of South America.”

“We’re looking at getting one for Pugsley’s tank,” wednesday says.

“A piranha? It will eat your fish,” she said.

“I’m counting on it.”

“Is Pugsley your fish?”

“My brother.” Wednesday replied.

The girl thought a moment. “You’ll need at least a dozen - they hunt best in schools.”

wednesday just barely smiled, a single corner of her lips turning up. “I’m wednesday addams.” she said, extending a hand.

The next day, the Wormwoods have gone on an indefinite vacation and need the Addams family to watch their daughter while they’re gone.

What? It doesn’t matter where they’re going. Stop asking.

Of course it has nothing to do with the large gentleman and the severed hand who showed up to help Matilda pack yesterday.

And it certainly has nothing to do with the fact that Mr. Wormwood came home to a hungry lion in his living room, with a very calm and very pale woman sitting in his chair, giving the lion a belly rub and saying she “just wanted to speak to you about our daughters.”

After some whispered conversation- “Cara, she’s twenty-three. Twenty-three, for pity’s sake! And barely more than skin and bones!” -the pocket doors slide open and the entire family gravely approaches the young teacher. Who, for her part, doesn’t look frightened in the least.

“There’s a perfectly lovely tower room in the East Wing, my dear,” Morticia says, taking her gently by the arm. “You look like you could use some rest.”

Two little dragons with zygodactyl feets, looking all picturesque next to some fungi. Making this felt peaceful. Zygo, 11x14" graphite on smooth bristol

In 897, Pope Stephen VI had his predecessor’s body dug up and tried for heresy. The corpse was found guilty and thrown in the Tiber.

In 1122 or thereabouts, Heloise de Argenteuil named her son Astrolabe.

In 1141, Empress Matilda was besieged in a castle by her cousin Steve, and escaped by pretending to be dead and getting carted out with the corpses.

In 1314 King Edward II made soccer illegal. This was the same King Edward II whose wife Isabella had him killed by shoving a fireplace poker up his ass.

In 1325 some guys from Modena, Italy, stole the bucket from the well in neighbouring Bologna. The two cities fought a battle over it. Modena won, and still has the bucket on display in a museum.

In 1355 students at Oxford rioted because a pub served them sub-par beer.

In 1374 France and Belgium suffered an outbreak of ‘dancing plague’. The affected would dance until they died of heart attacks.

In 1379 a guy named Perrinot Muet was trampled to death by pigs. The pigs were tried for murder, found guilty, and hanged.

Between 1410 and 1419, there were three different guys in different parts of Europe all claiming to be Pope. They each excommunicated the other two and all their adherents.

In 1456, Pope Callixtus the Third excommunicated Halley’s Comet.