Discovering_Alyx

contrary to popular belief not everyone has an innate sense of internal gender or care to have one or seek a name for it, some people go their whole lives without questioning their occupation in one of two gender roles, but for some people, if pressed, they don’t feel that internal sense of ‘i am a woman’ or ‘i am a man’, and in that case i feel the switch over to transgender vs cisgender relies on active identification of a gender other than the one they were assigned. if someone’s like ‘idk dude I just work here’ then that’s valid

A portion of people in the notes are like ‘but that makes you trans. That’s called being agender’ and another portion of people are going ‘this is how the majority of cis ppl feel and it’s NOT agender’ and personally I feel like both of them are missing the point here. Yes a lot of people identify as agender because of this feeling. Yes a lot of people with this same feeling still identify as cis. These are not mutually exclusive experiences and it doesn’t mean the agender people are secretly cis or the cis people are secretly agender. It just means they have very similar experiences of gender that they choose to conceptualize and label differently, and neither of them are mistaken or wrong to do so.

This made me cry. I wish all situations could be handled as perfectly as this

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

"When you get these jobs that you have been so brilliantly trained for, just remember that your real job is that if you are free, you need to free somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else. This is not just a grab-bag candy game." - Toni Morrison

Yes. I am newly on T. Today I was just processing that some of my adhd symptoms feel really extreme again. They tend to fluctuate throughout the month, so some variation is expected. But this is like similar to my unmedicated state. It’s wild how all these things interact. It’s also frustrating cause I felt like I had found a good mix of my meds, but now I gotta go do some more trial and error.

THIS. (I have been fortunate to be able to get and ADHD diagnosis and that is what I attribute these symptoms to) I describe it as not being present in my own life? It’s definitely not the same as the like depression ghost state. It’s like my attention is galaxy brain and the present moment is this speck I can’t quite get my eyes to focus on. I’ve been struggling with it extra since stating T.