Submissive and Disciplined

After reading your post about going over budget and Sir deciding your punishment, it made me wonder how conflict is handled when he’s the one who makes a mistake.

You’ve done a great job explaining what accountability looks like for you. Has there ever been a time when he made a mistake, hurt your feelings, or handled something poorly? If so, how did he take accountability and repair the situation?

I guess what I’m really wondering is how fairness works within your dynamic. I don’t necessarily mean “keeping score,” because everyone makes mistakes, but how do you view accountability when the dominant partner is the one who gets something wrong? Do you ever feel a need for balance or repercussion, or is that not how you think about it?

I hope this doesn’t come across as critical. I’m genuinely asking because I’m interested in understanding how healthy conflict resolution works in this kind of relationship.

Hi! This is actually a really excellent question! He doesn't have accountability in terms of earning a punishment, like I do. But he still feels deeply accountable because my respect for him is what's at stake.

IDK how long you've been following me here, but I discuss a lot how our dynamic ebbs and flows. And obviosly with two kids it's not truly a24/7 dynamic because that's just not how life works. Generally, if he does something"wrong" it tends to come at a time when we aren't in total d/s mode. The more dominant he is at any given moment, the more careful he is about his actions and how he speaks to me.

We had our friends Dan and Jill (our d/s friends) over for an early dinner. They knew to act vanilla because our kids were there. They hadn't met the kids yet and they were really good with them. I think Jill wants a baby, I'm not sure Dan is willing to give up their lifestyle as much as you need to with a kid. Anyway, my sister came to take the kids to this art in the park thing so we had about two hours of adult time.

Sir had me take my maintenance spanking in front of Dan and Jill. It wasn't the first time we've done that, but Sir also made me tell them about why I'm on orgasm restriction (the whole spending out of budget debacle I wrote about a few weeks ago) and describe the punishment I got for that. He allowed Dan to take a turn spanking me and Dan is a REALLY hard spanker. He's bigger and has meatier hands than my Sir does.

Then Jill and I were on our knees giving head to each other's husbands. Dan's cock is thicker than Sir's and it really hurts my jaw to give him head. But I do it without complaint. All that humiliation and giving head really made me soaking wet.

When we were going to bed that night I asked Sir when I might be able to come again. He said, "Remind me what the rule is?"

My heart sank. "It'll go on longer every time I ask about it."

He tapped his head. "I have an end date in my mind. You just added a good two weeks to it."

I wanted to scream and cry. Instead I just nodded and said "Yes, Sir."

My normal rules for clothes are that my thighs, shoulders, tummy and cleavage are for Sir's eyes only. He's not very strict about what exactly I wear (like, I don't have to wear skirts) but he wants those parts covered. I can do skirts at the knee or below or capri pants. For shirts I don't have any v-necks or tank tops.

It's a little different for swimsuits though. A longer swim skirt or swimsuits with extra loose material can create drag and is less safe.

So my rule is to get a swim suit that is modest by swimsuit standards. No bikinis! I normally get a tankini with a higher neckline and a short swim skirt to go with it.

The one I got this year looks a little like this, but with a flouncier skirt

"Did you do that so I wouldn't make you return them when I found out how out of budget they were?"

I shrugged. I didn't want to admit it.

"Did you?"

"I didn't think about it."

"Are you lying?"

My stomach was in knots. He knew. I knew he knew and he knew that I knew it. I nodded once.

My rear end was already bruised from the first spanking. He pulled me by the hair from our bedroom to the bathroom and shoved a bar of soap in my mouth. "You used that mouth for lying," he said. "I'm going to wash those lies out." I was already sobbing when he made me face the mirror so I could watch the tears roll down my face, the soap foam around my lips, and the pain on my face as he brought the heavy wooden hairbrush down on an already pained butt.

He. Did. Not. Go. Light.

He didn't go light on my corner time afterward. I literally spent the rest of the night until bedtime in the corner - more than an hour - before comfort care and my deepest humble apologies.

It's so humiliating, earning a spanking. It was such a dumb move on my part and here I am the next day with a terribly bruised butt that is tender, knowing I have maintenance tomorrow.

This has been quite a few weeks for us recently. I don't know why my attitude has been pretty shit. I've been punished but this one was the harshest. I'm now on orgasm restriction "until further notice." I hope all of this works to help me become as submissive as I'm happiest feeling.