❤️‍🩹

At the sex shop asking if I can buy a regular sized dildo I can put in my unremarkable asshole but they recognize me as the hero of legend regardless

When they press on your posting gland during sex>>>

yearning

apparently vic’s vapor rub goes exitinct ? i’ve been using the same vapor rub for years and apparenlty it went bad in the 2010s ..

expired .

life is so much better when you have a work of fiction to obsess over

At the local hamburger shop and they said yelled out “order 167!” And three middle school age kids yelled in perfect unison “ 6 7!” Life is sometimes so beautiful

If you reference 67 you deserve to be executed on the spot tbh

If I was king for a day the first thing I would do would be to sentence you to a life full of love and understanding.

Gordon Ramsey finds tile smeared with doodoo on kitchen nightmares

This is one of your worst posts yet man

You called me dirt sucking poor and told me my carrot looks like a cock

I have nothing against trans girl headcanon stuff where people are like "this character would dress and present exactly the same as they did pretransition" but its always applied to characters it absolutely would not apply to

"if jesse pinkman transitioned she'd still dress the same and stuff she'd be a masc lesbian" jesse pinkman is extremely self destructive, infatuated with self image, prone to becoming attached to older men, has had zero healthy conduits for expressing femininity, and has an obscene amount of drug money to drop on plastic surgery and tiny black bodycon dresses she would not be fucking masc she would end up on mugshawtys 6 months into her transition

hello Aesop; how's the underworld been?

Every day I wake up and Hades kicks me in the nuts.

Everyone has an accent it came free with your language 🙄

Congrats to every reply like this for failing to understand the fundamental definition of an accent. Of course you think you sound normal! It's the way you speak!

Gonna sign language at you in a very southern accent