I have seen plenty of people who are super possessive about their clothing, almost to the point of insanity, and I have often wondered if clothing would also be equally possessive about its owners if it had a voice. So this FF is from the POV of ASR’s three piece suit.
It’s nothing about nothing, just read it for (hopefully) a bit of a laugh.
(PS – Tried to make the suit as stuffy and obnoxious as possible. Please don’t want to kill it)
ASR’s three-piece suit to be exact. Yes, I am the very suit that gets to encase his long, lean form, to drape itself across his torso, to shroud his well-muscled arms. Ladies you may take a step back now, I feel your burn and it could damage my expensive fabric. You would have known that already, if you were classy enough to be worthy of aspiring to be me. Stop drooling and find an object of affection closer to your social standing.
What do you mean which one am I? We all look the same don’t we? Well, if you must know, I’m the bespoke black one. Yes, I’m being deliberately infuriating. No, you may not ask me more questions about this. Because I said so, that’s why! Isn’t that enough? How does it matter anyway? It’s not like you can afford to even touch me, let alone think of owning me.
I’m spectacular though, aren’t I? Like a superhero costume, but a lot sharper (and no Spandex. I quake at the thought of it). Your everyday Arnav turns into the inimitable ASR by the expedient means of putting me on. Truly, clothes maketh the man. And what a man he is. Nobody can look as impeccable and aristocratic as ASR in a well-tailored, nay, sculpted suit. It lends credibility to his super successful, super handsome (so very handsome) business tycoon persona.
NO I do not have a man-crush on him. I shudder at the very mention of crushing – NOBODY crushes Italian wool this expensive. Only a plebeian such as you could have asked this sort of a question.
Off late though, ASR requires me less frequently. Oh he always, always wears me to work. As if there was ever going to be an end to that. I would have said LOL if it weren’t so absolutely bourgeois to do so. I don’t understand the compulsive use of acronyms in this day and age, if something is worth saying it should be spelt out completely. But I digress. In his early days, ASR always, always wore me when in public, except when he went for his morning jog. And just as well, I hold sweat in even higher contempt than I hold you. Yes you, who else?
And then SHE came. Her, the one who is apparently the key to his happiness, the one makes him forget to be ASR. The one who had once banished me from his wardrobe and filled the space with the brightly-coloured monstrosity I refuse to call a shirt. Many of them!
It started small, just him allowing me to get drenched while saving her from an oncoming car, him offering her my protection (without consulting with me first, I may add) when he realised she was wet and cold, him allowing me to get desperately dusty while saving her from a collapsing building, him needing to wear his overnight clothing outdoors following their ill-fated trip to Nainital, due to the delay caused by her stupidity and then her illness.
And then, then he heard about her father’s heart attack and sped away to the hospital WITHOUT CHANGING. He wore the clothes he usually designated purely for wearing at home, in PUBLIC. To the HOSPITAL! Stop telling me not to be dramatic. It was humiliating. I never heard the end of it from the “duds”.
When I had had enough, when I decided that I needed to make my displeasure known, he took the time to put me on before going to the temple to bandage her finger. Since then it’s been a cycle of him mistreating me and then somehow making up for it.
Like when he wore that ridiculous Sherwani during Payal and Aakash’s sangeet but then switched to me for the sizzling dance performance, and the wedding as well.
When he wore JEANS (the horror!) during Holi and then reverted to my awesomeness in spite of the sweltering heat at her Bua-ji’s house.
When he abandoned me somewhere between his kidnapping and his escape (although I can’t bring myself to blame him for that) but let me have his back when he declared his love for her in person.
When he allowed her to pollute my resting space in his wardrobe with her tacky, sparkly, colourful clothing but needed my support when they went on their first date.
When he wore that bizarre kurta-pyjama (the one I had pegged for sure as a wallflower in wardrobe-land) during Rakshabandhan but took the time to put me on when he needed to look for his Dadi.
When he wore traditional Indian attire for his wedding celebrations but had me by his side for Shyam’s eviction.
Yes, I have battled a few existential issues but I think I’ve come to terms with my position in his life now. Let him take his time to smile, laugh and be Arnav. When he needs to be ASR, I’ll be ready and waiting – the hero he deserves, but not the one he needs right now.
Oh shut up. The Batman reference is simply because I am that cool. Bat-sh*t cool.
