every moment when i tried to convince myself that things are "okay" living through a male body, i take it all back. every last one. there is nothing okay, just, or right about this. it's all wrong, so viscerally wrong on a zeroth-order sense that i can't even articulate with any choice of the tens of thousands english vocabulary i've amassed in my twenty painful years on this planet.
it is wrong, so wrong. every time it sinks in that i'm really male, forever, with zero amenable recourse in this lifetime or the next, i get this acrid and sinking feeling in my chest every moment that's so jarring it puts me in third person and it takes everything in my power to not haplessly watch life itself pass me by.
BTW the one material method of making any improvements on this will make you exist as an untenable freak to 90+% of humans. lmao!! π€£ππ€£ππ€£ ππ€£ nothing i can even fucking do about it by the way because who would listen to a sniveling, groveling, disgusting fucking tranny?
yeah i'll just choose to destroy any chance at sympathy, dignity, and/or self-respect in one fell swoop just to feel +1% better about my body that remains permanently disfigured and tumorous!
maybe i'll just be one of those lucrative architects of impending nuclear armageddon/biosphere collapse and squander my blood money on flushing my brain with such a dose of opiods that nothing sensible could matter as i drift away into a gray, opaque cloud of human waste. i'm one of those animals among humans that should be put down like a dog.
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