here since 2012 so sunk cost fallacy at this point

ive got a scary math joke but im 2² to say it

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

Context for anyone who is wondering: Lamine Yamal's parents won an UNICEF raffle for a charity photoshoot in which Barça players posed with kids, and 5 month old Lamine happened to get 20yo Messi. Which is like. Literally insane

My friend really changed once she became a vegetarian 

its like ive never seen herbivore

scientists have recently announced that exoplanet HR 3499a is no longer believed to be potentially capable of supporting life, after new spectroscopic readings indicated that it doesn't even have a dishwasher. "i mean, it doesn't even have a fucking dishwasher," said the lead researcher. "I guess you could live there, but, like, would you really want to?"

i think one of the best parts about being a teenager in the early to mid 2010s was that cigarettes were definitely not cool anymore and vapes hadn’t popularized yet so my lungs made it out of my peak impressionable years relatively unscathed

when i’m sad i like to think about little prehistoric toddlers tagging along with the adults who are foraging and getting really excited over a Cool Rock or Big Leaf and handing it to a parent to put in the baskets with the Actual Food and the parents having to carry around all their baby’s little Treasures the way modern parents end up with acorns and flowers in their pockets after a trip to the park

She’s not gonna put your balls in her hand and pretend she’s a merchant weighing a bag of coins bro.

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

my bedsheet is pregnant and it's. the rest of my laundry