Tau Squad Manager

disabled ppl we need to start lying to nosy people okay? you tell me i'm too young to need a cane and i will tell you point blank that maybe you should tell that to the guy who ran me over. you don't get an explanation of my health issues you get lies and depending on how much of an asshole i want to be that lie will be anything from a humble car crash to a 1 billion lions attack. mind yr business.

"i could never live like that" well maybe you'll have to because this happened overnight. yeah you heard me i was the most able bodied man in the world but then one morning bam i woke up disabled. yeah you could have that too. there's no cure either you'll just wake up one morning and now you have to live like me

"what happened" well have you ever seen looney tunes? yeah an anvil landed on me and squished me flat.

wore a white dress and walked in the rain to the barracks so all the knights could see my skin peeking through the fabric and i said “oh my, excuse me ladies, it seems i got myself lost in the downpour… i’m all alone and no one even knows i’m here…” and they just gave me warm clothes and made me soup so i didn’t catch a cold and escorted me back to my room. i fucking hate chivalry

I’m also celebrating your dogs birthday

celebrating tumblr user heartseeker’s dog’s birthday on the fourth everyone

Shipping update: Your parcel has been torn asunder by ravenous hogs

one moment ☝️ *pauses the blowjob to start violently coughing up blood*

man why is any other cola in the world fine but it feels like pepsi goes directly to your colon and starts digging

straight up they carbonate pepsi with the souls of car crash victims

i can tell when the edible starts to work when i start z-targeting shit irl

Zelda Heritage Post

we should all be living with this level of dedication and whimsy !! 🗡️