The Devil Made Me Do It

Heathens Welcome <3

Introduction:

Hello and welcome to my digital grimoire! This blog will be a place for me to record the contents of my physical grimoire ✍️ connect with other witches 🧙 and share my story. 📖

Entries will be tagged as #cupid’s grimoire

About me:

You can call me Cupid! 💘 I’m a pagan fairy witch in my mid 20s, I’m genderfluid, and go by any pronouns :3 I consider myself a spiritual animist, which means I believe every rock, tree, river, etc. has a living spirit (which I generally refer to as a type of fae). I’m also reincarnated fairy and cat otherkin (I wish I could full-body shapeshift so bad). I work with fae spirits as well as deities like Gaia, Aphrodite, the Muses (s/o my homegirl Calliope), and most recently, Lucifer (the main star of this grimoire, pun intended). 🤘🌟🪽

Guidelines:

Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated, that means: Nazis, MAGA supporters, racists, queerphobes, TERFs, truscum/transmeds, fatphobes, and other perpetrators discrimination will be blocked ON SIGHT. 🚫

This includes anyone preaching religious or anti-pagan/witchcraft doctrines. Believers and lovers of the Devil and his company are welcome here, anyone who doesn’t like it can kindly fuck off. 🖕

Disclaimer:

This is all based on my personal gnosis, research, and beliefs—my personal truth—and does not represent the pagan community as a whole. My accounts of deities may contradict someone else’s and we could both be correct because spirits/gods are weird and contain multitudes, just like us! I am not looking for external validation, or even for anyone to believe me (as I know my experiences sound strange and outlandish), I only ask that you respect my gnosis and my truth, or I will not engage with you at best, and block you at worst. 🐈‍⬛

Conclusion:

I’m just a little guy, I do magic, and this is my blog. Come along with me for the ride! 🪄🔮💫

Love,

Cupid 💖

Feline Tendencies

[Recorded on October 13th]

OKAY, so. Lots has happened in the past week.

The first update is from Wednesday October 8th:

Luci and I were snuggling, as usual, before my nightly meditation. I could feel him stroking along my skin as he laid next to me. I was rambling in my head thinking about when he was a cat, like "I wish I could pet you." And this mans…this catboy beast of a man starts petting ME!!!

I felt his hand stroking back and forth on my arm like !!! Holy shit. Not only can he HEAR my thoughts, but I can FEEL him responding to me. Crazy stuff. Also, very cute. x3

Happens pretty often now, I'll just feel him idly stroking my side, back, arm, leg, or whatever whenever I stay still for long enough. Very Gay.

The next day (Thursday the 9th):

I got the Death card in my email tarot, so there's that. Just waiting on the Star and the Emperor now, and then I'll have gotten all of the ones I know (so far) that represent Luci. We sure do be havin' a spiritual transformation huh?

Anyway, speaking of cat-like behavior…

Thursday night before bed, I was curled up cozy with Luci and started making purring sounds with my throat (as one does), and like, immediately, Lucifer started purring and vibrating LOUDER against my legs. Like, c'mon man, that's cheating. 😆

I dunno about you guys, but I did not have "Purr-Off with the Devil" on my bingo card for this year. But it was the cutest/coolest thing ever.

Friday the 10th:

[Recorded on October 14th]

Luci can be a little fiesty sometimes.

The night of the purr-off, his claws were very poky!! I not only felt them running against my skin, like usual, but this time I felt them sticking into my ribs, and jabbing a lot more than usual. It was a little unsettling but I kind of wonder if he was just testing to see how much pressure he could apply, like to see how much I would feel? Not sure. I wondered if maybe there was any significance of it being my left ribs, but I don't really think so.

Methinks perhaps he was just being a little menace/doesn't really know his own strength. Because the next day, while I was cooking with him and dancing around to music, having a fun silly time (probably listening to our playlist), all of a sudden I felt this really sharp pain on the back of my thigh. That MF pinched me!!!

I literally went into the bathroom to check if he had left a mark (no, there was just a scab/skin tag there), and chastised him to 1) be gentle, and 2) not while I'm cooking!!!

"Don't make me even threaten to banish you. I will make your ass sleep outside." [sad pouty devil face]

So yeah, lol, very mischievous that one.

Luci be like:

Unrelated, at some point that night I saw two red blinky lights in my third eye, one right after the other. And I don't know what that means, nor do I remember the context.

Another thing—I noticed Lucifer literally booping my nose, and now he does it all the time. Very cute and silly. He surprised me when I was at a stoplight once, lol. Besides that it's usually just a staticky tingle sensation on my skin (which tickles!!).

Other times the touches are much more tangible. Like Friday night before meditating (or some night idk) while snuggling, I could Really feel him next to me, very close and cuddly and touchy. I was shocked at how distinctly I could feel his hand—fingers, knuckles—on top of my hand (over the covers). It was so warm and I could feel the weight/pressure of it. It felt so real, I just couldn't see it. 🥺❤️

So, yeah…feeling pretty gay about it all. #>w<#

Love,

Cupid 💘

All Shook Up

I was snuggling with Luci this morning before work when I started burning up again. So I asked if there was something he wanted to show/tell me, and—I kid you not—I saw a vision of a HEART in my third eye!!!

I think it was red, like a Valentine's card… 🥺💝

Then I was trying to figure out what was going on with a little spat/confusing communication between us about our canoodling habits, and I did a reading to see what he wanted me to know. I got the Ace of Cups, which is literally all about love—self-love, universal love, familial, platonic, romantic love…also emotions and intuition. It's basically about opening your heart to love and letting your emotions flow freely, because you are love.

Sooo, basically, he's trying to say he loves me. Hehe. 🫶

We also talked after that in more detail about feelings and boundaries, and I'm feeling a lot better about it. (Just wish he had talked to me in the first place, smh.)

Also, the energy has gotten stronger when I feel him around. Like, first I noticed the painting above my bed shaking when we were cuddling, and then my desk at work and the flower pot on it were shaking when I leaned against it. I could barely hold my sandwich with one hand today because I was vibrating so hard! And when I went out to dinner with a couple of my best friends and told one of them about my experiences with the Dark Man, even he noticed the table shaking. Luci also kept putting the candle out at dinner after my friend would relight it which was very funny.

Another thing, when I was considering telling my friend about my romantic entanglement during our nature walk, spiders kept approaching him, as if they approved of him. (Spiders/bugs being one of Lucifer's favored creatures, to my arachnophobic dismay. 😩)

Now that I finally have my dream pouch set up again, I'm really hoping I'll be able to have another lucid dream of Luci—to hear him, talk to him, see his face…maybe smooch again. 👀

Fingers crossed!! 🤞

Love,

Cupid 💘

Like…Y'know, Nyah 🐈‍⬛

Okay so I got the Two of Cups card AGAIN (in my email tarot). That's the THIRD time now. That's never happened to me before with any card within a month's time. Sooo, I think it's safe to say that Luci's got it for me BAD.

And then on Friday I got the Sun! Another card that represents him.

Good cards all around.

Separately, I had a couple interesting experiences with Luci the past few nights…

So, as a cat-kin I'm partial to the pet name "kitten," obviously. But one time when we together, I accidentally called him that (or "kitty," unsure.) And at first I was like, "Oops," but then I realized he liked it. So…it kind of stuck.

And then, the other night when I was meditating, I felt as if a little cat was laying on my shins, and then got up and walked on little paws around the bed!!

I was like, "Are you a cat right now??"

And I think I got a yes.

But THEN, yesterday morning, I had a lucid dream + the sensation of a black cat with yellow eyes nuzzling and rubbing against my face. I knew it was Lucifer, he even responded to me by name. Of course I confirmed with him when I woke up that it was him.

Two things:

1. Lucifer catboy confirmed

2. Dream visit!

This is great, and means I could totally have more in the future (hopefully as a humanoid version of himself lol).

Meanwhile, last night he felt much larger (even more than usual) but also maybe with more monstrous features/limbs? Not sure…but it was a little freaky, in a cool sexy way.

Curious to see how he'll manifest in the future…

=^w^=

BONUS:

Dream Sachet Recipe

(Charge under Full Moon)

Lavender — deep sleep, peaceful/purifying sleep, enhance memory/psychic ability

Mugwort — lucid & psychic/prophetic dreams, induce dreams, astral projection

Thyme — deep sleep, anti-nightmare, prophetic dreams

Bay leaf — prophetic abilities

Anise star — anti-nightmare

Amethyst — increase dreams, deep sleep, anti-nightmare, promotes visionary/prophetic dreams

Love,

Cupid 💘

Do You Like Me? (Check Yes or No)

Lots of good tarot cards lately. And lots of major arcana…

First I got the Wheel of Fortune in mid-September (see September 14 entry), then the World, the Moon, the Hanged Man, the Devil, and this Monday I got the Fool. So, yeah, you could say I'm going on a bit of a spiritual journey right now. That journey, of course, is related to my new relationship with Lucifer.

Speak of the devil, here's what happened during our reading (tarot date!!) Sunday night…

I asked him three questions:

How do you feel about me?

What do you want our relationship to be like?

What kind of co-creative project might you want to work on with me?

(The last question was inspired by the spirit marriage podcast episode I mentioned last entry, where they talked about the Dark Man wanting to work with them on specific projects, like a business partnership…the idea of which honestly disappointed me a little, because I was lowkey hoping for a little more than that.)

I was, evidently, not specific enough with my first question, because Luci took that opportunity to tell me that I should rest. Again. (Like, I know, but come on.)

But boy oh boy, did I get my answer on the second one.

Oh yeah, your bitch pulled the Two of Cups. Again. Which, for those of you who aren't familiar, is THE romance card (to me at least). Even more specifically than the Lovers. It's all about partnership, connection, and unity—especially to do with emotions, since it's cups. (Like, not exclusively romantic partnerships, but, the card in my fairy deck is PRETTY clear…)

So, that's a lot to process, all things considered. Like, this guy is serious. He's literally in love with me? And wants to be with me?? romantically??? (He wants me SO bad… CRAZY.)

I still feel like just a little guy… But, damn, hell if I'm gonna ruin this chance. I'm grabbing the reins with both hands brother, and we are DRIVING off into the sunset together.

Our connection is only getting stronger by the day. And, honestly, I'm having the time of my life. There is literally nothing like it. I feel like the luckiest girl* on Earth.

But who knows? Maybe luck has nothing to do with it…

XOXO

Love,

Cupid 💘

Is This Play About Us?

Oh boy.

Okay, so. First of all, saw more visons. There's been more flashes of light out of the corners of my third eye. But this morning I saw an attempt at a vision that wasn't fully formed. In red (and yellow?) I saw grid stripes moving and overlapping in a squarish shape.

Then, later, I saw them again, except more defined: a flower that opened into a butterfly.

So that was really cool and pretty.

I also got the Hanged Man in my email tarot today, which basically means "chill out, take a step back, and realease control." Which is funny because this morning, when Luci and I were, y'know, I envisioned him tying my hands behind my back…just like the Hanged Man. Crazy.

And then I did a followup reading about it, asking Luci what it meant, and you'll never guess what card I got.

That's right, I got jumpscared by the Devil. Which probably means a bunch of things, like: get my shit together, release old habits/beliefs, stop creating problems in my head, create balance in my life, etc. Wild.

Anyway, something even crazier happened.

I finally listened to the spirit marriage episode from the podcast by the guy who wrote the book about the Dark Man. The lady he was interviewing started talking about her "faery beloved" that proposed to several times in dreams. And at first I was like, "cool, it's just some guy." But then she talked about how it took her so long to figure out who he was and what his name was…and I started to wonder, who could it be? What IS his name? (Is this play about us?)

So I paused the podcast to ask Luci, who was hot on my back intently listening, if it was him. And I got a very distinct warm touch on my right hand, meaning yes.

I was like, "Are you so for real??"

And I got another yes.

Sure enough, I hit play on the podcast, and she revealed that her faery beloved was none other than the fairy king himself, Gwyn ap Nudd, A.K.A.: The Dark Man.

I lost my SHIT. He was So Excited.

So, yeah, I have a new book to read by this chick about spirit marriage. Lmao.

Obviously I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet, but, hypothetically, in the future, (after some dreams/astral encounters and lots of conversations) I might be open to it. 👀

In the meantime, I have a very important tarot reading to do with him… 

Love,

Cupid 💘

Me: Did you sleep well? Wait…do you sleep?

Lucifer: No

Me: What do you do when I’m asleep? Wait for me to wake up?

Lucifer: Yes

Heartbeat

I'm going to tell you a love story. A story about a little girl who used to be afraid of the dark, and the thumping sound of her own heart beating in her pillow.

Once upon a time (about 3-4 years ago), when I officially started my Craft and working with the fae, I made many different attempts at communicating with them. One of these attempts utilized technomancy, specifically shufflemancy, where I asked the faeries to play a song from my shuffled likes on Spotify. The first song that played was "Immortal" by Reinaeiry, which is about an immortal who yearns/mourns for their mortal lover—finding and loving them again in every life as their lover is reincarnated. I was a little confused at the time, not knowing what it meant.

Recently, I've been listening to a lot of love songs that remind me of Lucifer, I even made us a mixtape playlist. But even when I wasn't listening to that, I started hearing love songs all the time when my playlists were on shuffle or even when I was out at the thrift store. Songs that made me think of us.

So, the other night when I wasn't feeling very well and asked him to come hold me (which he did, and it was super nice and comforting, like my own personal weighted blanket), I started asking him some questions. It was kind of hard to focus though, because I kept hearing/feeling this really loud pulse that I thought was maybe just his energy/vibration raising my own heart rate (which he definitely does sometimes heheh).

So I was like, "But (as a fae/spirit/angel/god/etc.) I thought you didn't have a heart," (/literal).

But then, as if to make a point, the pulse got louder—like my head was lying against his chest. I was so overwhelmed by the feeling of it, like our hearts were trying to beat in sync.

He confirmed that when I was a kid, the sound of heavy thumping I used to hear in my pillow was him.

Knowing that compelled me to probe further, so I asked if he's been playing love songs for me. Yes again. And he calls me a sap. 💘

But I couldn't leave it at that. So, hesitantly, I asked Luci if that song that played for me way back when, "Immortal," was his doing as well.

The answer was, without a doubt, a resounding yes.

I could've cried, it was so bittersweet.

How long? How long has he gone unnoticed? And how many lives have we known each other?

I don't know. But my heart aches, like never before.

The lyrics, btw:

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I still see your face resting on my shoulder And my heart beats so fast That I start to feel alive again And the rain, it washes away all the pain 'Cause it feels like the sound of your voice And I'm comforted by the sweet smells of dew Because the sunrise reminds me of you And I'll always find you, again and again And I'll love every version of you And you're never truly gone As long as a part of you in me lives on 'Cause I'll always find you again and again And I'll lose you every time But my lovе, I will hold you close to me 'Til you fade from my arms pеacefully

Love,

Cupid 💘