Jess. 29. Australia.

im going to fix my entire life

When?

Like Um. later

I think that if you had enough daughters AND played your cards right you could spring Mambo Number Five out at the EXACT right gathering and shatter your entire family's trust forever

The secret is to name them out of order with the lyrics so by the time anyone catches on it's too late

For me personally the ideal gathering would be my funeral

turns out i am gay

holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type

Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!

he was a llama

a llama?! he’s supposed to be dead!

every now and then i am reminded of nintendo's official solution to the wii u pro controller not having gyro controls and it never fails to send me into hysterics

Lowkey miss this era. Never did this, but I always knew about it

i wonder how many they'll need

i hesitate even to speculate

You can lie when you name things

they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of