dissonus

1. If the people you thought you could count on, disappoint you and aren’t there for you through the good and bad, through the easy and hard times, you can say goodbye. Let them leave. Other people will show up.

2. Not everything is how it seems, you never see the full picture. Keep that in mind before judging, because most people don’t share the pain they go through.

3. You might have built walls to protect yourself, but they can also trap you. Don’t let them keep you from being vulnerable. There is value in being able to be hurt.

4. Being human means breaking, breaking over and over again. I don’t really know if it ever ends. 

5. When you do break, when you fall apart, let others catch you. Don’t be afraid to trust others. You never have to be alone in your suffering.

6. Sometimes you will cry alone in your car. I’m sorry.

7. Not everyone will like you. It’s hard to accept but remember that you matter whether or not they like you.  Don’t let them determine your worth, your happiness.

8. Happiness is not the goal of life. You can pursue it, and never find it. Pursue a good life. A hard life. One where you make the right decisions, despite the pain you will go through. Happiness will come as a byproduct of a life well lived. 

9. A furry friend really can make a difference. They can make hard times just a little bit easier.

10. Laugh. Tell jokes. Be silly. It is one of the best types of medicine. Sometimes the choice is to cry, or to laugh. Laugh.

11. Stay out late. Be spontaneous. Make memories. Soon the people you made memories with, will leave. But memories are there to stay.

12. Wake up early. Thirty minutes of quiet in the morning is so worth it. The silence as the sun rises can change what state your heart is in. It can go from pain and grief to simple gratitude. Wake up early.

13. Be honest. No one respects a liar. No one trusts a liar.

14. Sometimes you will hurt the people you love the most. Sometimes they will hurt you. But keep giving second chances. Everyone fails.

15. Love. Be loving to whoever you see. You never know how much someone needs it. 

16. Walk. Run. Move. Somedays, the only way to get out of your head is to go outside. Try it.

17. Don’t hide from the pain. You can grieve. Don’t forget to ask for help when you need it. Most people will want to.

18. Call the important people. Talk for hours, listen, connect. Don’t lose touch with them.

19. Sometimes thinking about the past feels unbearable. It fils you with pain. It hurts. Remember the past, try to heal, and then think of the future. Keep going. Keep doing the best you can. That’s all anyone asks.

I feel like I’ve been losing everything for a while. If you walked away from me, it would be quite dark. In the meantime, I have no hope of seeing you again for a long time. Tonight I wonder what you’re doing, where you are and what you’re imagining. I wish I had the certainty of your thought and love. I have it sometimes. But what love can we always be sure of. One gesture and everything can be destroyed, at least for a while. After all, all it takes is one person who smiles at you and pleases you and, for at least a week, there is no love left in that heart of which I am so jealous.

What can we do about it but to admit and understand and be patient. And what am I myself to demand so much from a being. But perhaps it is because I know all the weaknesses that even a strong heart can have that I have so many apprehensions about absence and about this stupid separation where you have to feed a love of flesh with shadows and memories. Everyone else is in bed. I’m staying with you, but I feel like a dry soul like any desert. Oh ! My dear, when the gushing comes back and the scream! I feel so left, so clumsy, with this kind of unused love that remains on my chest and oppresses me without giving me joy. I feel like I’m no good at anything anymore.

I should be inhabited by what I write, full of that novel and those characters I entered again. But I look at them from the outside, I work distractedly, with my intelligence, and not for a single moment with that passion and violence that I have always brought to what I love. I’m stopping this all of a sudden. I realize it’s a letter of lamentation. And you and I have more to do than lament. When you feel your heart’s dry, it’s best to keep your mouth shut. You’re the only person today I want to write things like that to. But that’s no reason. It’s not a bad thing, either.

Until now, you’ve loved the best in me. Maybe it’s not love yet. And maybe you won’t really love me until you love me with my weaknesses and flaws. But when and how soon? It is a beautiful and terrible thing to have to love yourself also in danger, in uncertainty, in the middle of a world that is crumbling and of a story where a man’s life weighs so little. I will not rest until your face is taken from me. If you do not come, I will wait, but I will wait in distress and in the dryness of heart. Hello, black and white.

Do your best to stay close to me and forget about so many demands and bad moods. Life isn’t easy for me right now. I have reasons not to be gay. But if your God exists, he knows that I will give all that I am and all that I have to have your hand on my face again. I have not stopped loving you and waiting for you - even in the middle of the desert. Don’t forget me.”

1 - Know who you are so you aren’t trying to get your identity from the people you  date.

2 - Make sure you make your intentions clear; are you trying to find a spouse, just having fun, etc? Then date people that are on the same journey as you are.

3 - Don’t create expectations you have no intention of fulfilling. Leading people on sucks.

4 - If you are a virtuous person don’t date a alley cat, date people who have great character.

5 - Where you fish and the bait you use will determine the kind of fish, (person), you catch. If you are fishing at the bar, strip club, or porn site for example, you are not likely to find the “marrying kind.”

6 - If a person says, “If you really love me you would have sex with me,” you have got the wrong person. If they really loved you they would respect your values and protect your personhood

7- When looking for a spouse don’t look for someone you could live with; look for someone you can’t live without.

8 - It’s much easier to make a lover out of your best friend, then it is to make a best friend out of a lover. I hear people say, “I couldn’t marry him (or her), he (or she) is my best friend.  Best friends make great lovers and amazing marriages.

9 - Ladies, pay attention to how a guy treats his mother, that’s most likely how he will treat you in time. Guys watch how a girl treats her dad, that’s probably how she will treat you.

10 - If you argue and fight while you are dating; marriage will make it worse. I promise you marriage wouldn’t fix your relationship.

11 - Self centered, selfish, and self-absorbed people make terrible spouses. Kind, self-aware, emotionally intellect people make great life companions. It’s true that beauty is only skin deep but arrogance is ugly to the bone.

12 - If a person doesn’t respect themselves they won’t respect you.  If they don’t love themselves they can’t love you.

13 - If a person will violate their relationship with God to please you; they just made you their god! Hopefully you can live up to the task because being god to someone is an impossible task.

14 - Dating should be a journey into the lives of 2 people; a noble adventure into the unknown & a beautiful exploration of discovery. Communicate, about how you feel, what you believe and what you love. Telling the person what they want to hear undermines the purpose of dating.

15 - Don’t marry the person you fall in love with. A fall is an accident, not a act of your will. If you fall once, chances are you will fall again for someone else. If you do fall in love you will need to grow in love because what you did on accident you will need to do on purpose

Put on a good playlist. I like to listen to hip hop, and sometimes EDM when I’m cleaning. Upbeat music is better, in my opinion. Whatever music you like is fine, as long as it motivated you. Play it loud if you can.

Do the easy parts first. See some garbage? Pick it up and throw it away. Dirty clothes on the floor? Stick them in the laundry. Old assignments you will never care about again? File them away or recycle them. You have to get rid of things you know that you will never use. Get rid of as many things as you can. After this step you should see a significant difference in the space you are trying to organize. 

Set up specific locations for things you use a lot. Find a holder for your loose pens, and put it within arms reach of your workspace. If you wear a jacket every day, it might be worth buying a wall hook for it. Labels are great, because they allow you to instantly know if an item is in the correct place or if it’s gone. You don’t need any fancy or expensive organizers, just the furniture you have, a sharpie, and some masking tape.

Make sure the most useful items are out, and others aren’t. If I don’t use something very often, I put it away, out of sight. This makes my room appear a lot more organized, because I only have a few items out in the open.

Finally, ask the hard questions. For me, if I haven’t worn an item of clothing in over a year, I get rid of it. You have to ask yourself, Do I really use this item? Does it contribute to my life or does it just take up space? Does this item make my space considerably uglier or more cluttered? Giving honest answers will allow you to know if the item is worth keeping or not. At this stage, when you have eliminated all of the unnecessary items, you may consider investing in a cute shelf or set of drawers, etc. but that is completely optional. 

make a list of ten moments that make you smile. be really specific. when you blow out a dandelion and you watch as its fluffies blow away in the wind? write that down

practice deep breathing for a few minutes. focus on your breath

look up dance choreo to your favorite song. try to follow along. if you suck, who cares? have fun with it. 

make up your own choreo to your favorite song. or just dance

write a letter to a friend about what they mean to you

put on some light music and bake. muffins, cookies, scones! anything

throw your blanket in the dryer for a few minutes, take it out and wrap yourself in it, then play a movie and enjoy the comfort

go to a nearby cafe. order something you’ve never tried. people-watch

pamper yourself. lip scrub? face mask? make it if you don’t have it 

read travel journals. not ‘10 things to do in london’ articles, but something classic like italian journey by johann wolfgang von goethe

go to a bookstore. read the synopsis of 15 books. different genres

look through old stacks of papers, or old emails. read them. delete them. both. you might find some gems that make you smile

strip your bed. wash and dry everything. then make it. and bask in it

prepare a nice smoothie, or fancy drink. maybe a cocktail? take the time to enjoy it

comment something nice on someone’s post

browse the hundreds of podcasts online. try an episode, maybe one you might not usually be into 

create a playlist full of old songs. songs from your childhood. listen

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