fish

depressed at 11 was crazy i should have become a child prodigy

was at a bar and a 50+ year old drunk white woman complimented me and my friend's outfits, told us there was a campsite up in northern maryland where a lot of gay bears go to have sex in the woods. we asked her how she knew about this and she very aggressively said "because i'm a FAG HAG!!! but i'm not allowed to say that anymore I GUESS!!!"

levelheaded normalday preppers have been stockpiling sensible amounts of coffee and frozen meals for when the world is the same as it usually is

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

whats a stereotype for your country that you absolutely do. mine is that i unironically go "eh" and apologize a lot and i often drink maple syrup straight

Anyone else remember that time when there was a chicken named badboyhalo on fox news

this post has accidentally become a litmus test to see who’s new to the mcyt fandom and who’s been here longer than they should

I imagine Grace gets a few that he can't figure out at all and he constantly toys with asking the ewc to explain but that would risk alerting them to the fact that they make mistakes which would ruin everything.

My suck or fuck response kicked in

that scene in cap 2 when nick fury took that sharp turn and lost the fake cops after him and the gunshots subsided and his gps thing was like ‘getting you to a secure location’ and you really thought, you Really Thought!!!! he was Safe But then it got TOO quiet and fucking ominous music started playing in the background and the previously unfocused camera focused on this dude, decked in ALL Black, in the middle of the fucking street, holding a fucking Bazooka, and He BLOWS up furys suv, sees it coming straight for him, and takes ONE(1) nonchalant step to the Side???: UNPARALLELED 

#CA:TWS does a really good job of establishing characters’ competence BEFORE they tangle with the WS #Fury evades a coordinated death squad before the WS almost casually blows his car to shit #Steve takes out an entire elevator of STRIKE guys bare-handed before he fights the Soldier and barely holds his own #this also makes Pierce a FUCKLOAD scarier for being someone willing to slap the Soldier around #that movie did a really good job establishing characters’ skill/power levels by showing rather than telling #and they converted those insights directly into suspense in a way the MCU has never done again     (via galwednesday)

good morning soft sad freaks on an unprofitable website

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

Tshirt that says “i love my wife” to our divorce hearing