Fandom Related Nonsense, and Tumblr Book Clubs ✍️ RaeTheReader on ao3 ✒️ @writing-desk-rae for fanfiction shenanigans 😍 @thegallerybyrae for the art I like to share
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anyways, here's baelor giving dunk a little gift in a way that is definitely just normal behavior for a prince and a knight and not at all personal
goes with the one where baelor knights dunk
“It is customary, as you might know, for a new knight to be gifted his spurs by his old master,” Baelor said. Dunk knew of this certainly, he also knew that proper knights said their vows in a sept, and sat vigil, and had a ceremony and a feast to go with it all. And they did not lie about being a knight in the first place, he thought; he still carried the guilt of that lie even now that Prince Baelor had absolved him of it. “I am sure, had the circumstances been different, Ser Arlan would have wished to do as much for you.” That was a flattering read of both Ser Arlan, and his opinion of Dunk; if Ser Arlan had ever gotten around to knighting Dunk, the event would have passed without much, if any, ceremony, but it was not Dunk's place to argue with a prince.
“In any case, since it fell to me to do your dubbing, I thought I should do the thing properly. I had these made after the trial, I thought,” Prince Baelor paused, for a split second a look of something like uncertainty passed across his features, but it was gone as quickly as it had come, replaced by his usual princely magnanimity, and held out a pair of silver spurs “Well I saw your shield, the sigil you have chosen for yourself, I thought they might compliment it nicely.”
It was a lot for Dunk to take in; not only had Prince Baelor bought something for him, he had had it made specifically, had remembered Dunk's sigil, thought enough about it to choose something that would compliment it. Dunk did not think anyone had ever thought that much about him at all, let alone a prince.
“Your Grace, you honor me, truly,” Dunk said, he reached down and took the spurs from Prince Baelor's outstretched hand, the pair was tied together with a simple black ribbon. He wished he had dismounted for this, it felt inappropriate to be looking down at the prince, even more so while being gifted something. If anything, Dunk should have gotten off his horse and bent the knee as soon as he saw Prince Baelor, that would have been more proper, if slightly impractical. There was nothing to be done for it now. He examined the spurs, at first glance they were fairly simple, almost plain, but upon closer inspection Dunk could see what Prince Baelor had been referring to. The rowels were in the shape of tiny stars, the engraving on the neck giving the impression that the stars were falling.
They were finer than a pair of spurs had any right to be, a gift for a proper knight of noble birth, not for someone who until very recently had been sleeping under trees and wearing a bit of rope as a sword belt. Prince Baelor had seen to those as well; within hours of confirming the oath he had initially made wounded and bleeding immediately after the trial of seven, the prince's attendants had been set on him, and by the next day Dunk had new clothes, a full set of plate armor, a proper sword belt, and all manner of other things that Dunk would have never thought to need. When he had quietly inquired if that was the usual way of things, the servant he had asked had primly informed him that the prince was not in the habit of elevating hedge knights to sworn swords, and as such, there was no usual way of things.
Intelligent alien species based on bugs but specifically those moths that don’t have mouths and only live for a week after they pupate. This species’ whole conscious life is actually in the larval phase; larvae are the ones considered people, larvae are the ones with conscious and complex brains who build society, and each instar of the larva is treated as a different phase of life. Larvae become emotionally and socially and cognitively mature without ever becoming sexually mature. When they pupate, they metamorphose into something different and strange and close to mindless, with no mouth and no digestive system, whose only instincts are to mate and then quickly die. Metamorphosis is treated, functionally, like a person’s death, and the imago phase is a kind of proto-afterlife of majestic flight and the continuation of the species. Birth and death inextricably intertwined. Sex is not something people do during their lives, it’s a thing that is done as an imago after you’ve passed on from your life but before you return to the soil in death. Resultant eggs are collected by family members to raise. I think this would be fun.
the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive
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here, have a little pre-dunk/baelor, getting ready to ride into battle.
(sorry to say it's not part of any larger fic)
“Are you afraid, Ser Duncan?” Baelor asked. It was without judgement.
“No, Your Grace.” Dunk said, though he had thrown up thrice that morning while Egg was helping him get his armor on, and still felt vaguely shaky.
“I'll have the truth, if it pleases you.”
Baelor would have the truth whether it pleased him or not, Dunk knew, so he did not bother to lie a second time. “I've not fought in a proper battle before, not like this, the closest thing was Ashford Meadow but that was just against seven. Thousands is madness.”
“You do not have to fight them all yourself Ser. Our forces are evenly matched. Can you fight one man and win?”
It was not near as simple as that, Dunk knew, he answered regardless, “Yes, Your Grace.”
“A sorry knight you'd be if you'd said no,” Baelor said lightly, “Do you trust that the men on either side of you can fight one man and win?” Dunk looked left, and then right. Ser Donnel, Ser Roland.
“I’m not so sure about Ser Donnel, I've seen him in the training yard,” Dunk said, which earned a loud protest from Ser Donnel, and a bark of laughter from Ser Roland. The corners of Baelor's lips quirked up in the barest hint of a smile, but Dunk knew he was waiting for a proper answer. “I reckon they'd both manage one man though Your Grace.”
“And you must trust that I can best one man,” Baelor said, and there was no question this time. Dunk thought he could best ten men. A hundred. He did not say so, he only nodded. Baelor continued, “Excellent. The same is true for each man among us. That is all that must be done, and the battle will be won.”
Baelor was oversimplifying it terribly. There were archers and some men might be trampled by horses or desert before the battle or be killed in the first charge and once the battle started it was never really just one man fighting another, you had to be ready for another attacker and Dunk had to watch Baelor too, and the kingsguard, and
Baelor seemed to be able to read Dunk's thoughts, he put his hand on Dunk's shoulder and gave him a gentle shake, “Ser Duncan. One man, that is all. And once you have done that, one more man, and one more after that. You will serve me admirably, I have no doubt.”
It was all very easy for Baelor to say, who had been putting down rebellions in his father's name since the Blackfyres had staked their first claim at the iron throne. Had he ever been sick from nerves while getting his armor on? Dunk doubted it. The thought made Dunk smile despite himself, he could hear Ser Arlan’s voice in his head. As brave as Baelor Breakspear. He did not think the old man had ever said that thinking one day Dunk would ride into battle alongside the man himself. To imagine trying to explain everything that had happened since Ser Arlan's death to lead to this moment was so absurd that it startled a small, perhaps mildly hysterical, laugh out of Dunk.
Baelor raised an eyebrow in question. Dunk flushed, it probably sounded like he had been laughing at Baelor. Embarrassing though it was, he hurried to explain himself.
“It's just that when I was a boy the old man used to tell me I had to be as brave as Baelor Breakspear. It seems I've not yet managed it.”
Dunk had some idea that if he looked at the kingsguard now they would be making exaggerated faces of disgust, as they often did whenever Dunk recalled some exaggerated tale of Baelor's gallantry, or bravery, or chivalry. They had served the prince for many years now, and the shine of legend had long since worn off, replaced by easy familiarity, a closeness with Baelor that Dunk was not sure he would ever be able to manage without embarrassing himself.
It was worth it though, for all the tales and songs and stories about him, the man was apparently not immune to flattery; his face broke into a proper smile, and while his eyes were alight with amusement, it did not feel to Dunk like it was at his expense. Baelor seemed to sit a little straighter in the saddle, looking as proud as a dragon ought to.
“Is that so? Well, I best set a good example then.” Baelor said, and to Dunk's immense surprise, winked at him. Dunk sat there rather stupidly for a moment, trying to come up with an appropriate response, but before he could manage Baelor said, “I must go have a word with Ser Leo, I'll be back,” and put his spurs to his mare and cantered away.
The moment he was gone, Dunk turned to Ser Roland and Ser Donnel, looking for some confirmation that he had not imagined the entire interaction. The two had clearly been suppressing their laughter, but once Baelor was out of earshot they erupted in mirth.
“Oh do be brave Ser Duncan,” Ser Donnel cooed at him, which sent Ser Roland into another fit of laughter that rendered him beyond words. Dunk bore their mockery silently, as he rather thought the whole thing was so absurd he ought to be laughing himself.
Once they had both calmed down, some time later, Ser Roland said “Honestly Dunk, you can't keep telling him that shit, it goes straight to his head, I mean did you see how he rode off,” he thrust his shoulders back and puffed out his chest, and spurred his horse to canter in a tight circle around Dunk, and at that, Dunk did laugh.
PLEASE SHARE FURTHER THOUGHTS ON THIS DUNK BAELOR INEXPERIENCED IN LOVE MATTER I mean if you want to but the capslock is to convey my enthusiasm 🥹
Ok so my headcanon for this is a little angsty and long
Baelor was basically raised to be perfect by westerosi standards: no flaws (a great knight a great warrior a great politician a great diplomat, married with an heir and a spare), no scandals, no bastards, no undesirable “qualities” that would cause conflict (rooted in homophobia, machismo, religious intolerance, discrimination against the disabled and mentally ill and people with addictions etc)
No young lord has been watched and scrutinised as closely in all history, and for Baelor’s parents it was a matter of ensuring both his survival and their family’s safety. Other boys had chances to explore and err but as soon as it became clear the other sons weren’t viable heir options, Baelor’s freedom ended (so like when he was 5)
So in my hc he is self-aware enough to know what he likes but the knowledge is almost entirely theoretical, because the attention and dislike towards him were so great before his marriage and combat glory, he just didn’t risk getting involved with anybody and had like one serious crush that broke his heart cause the crush was straight! Completely staying out of heteronormative behaviour would be criticised too so he chased a few maids half-heartedly but never went all the way with them, and then he had a wife whose family would happily declare him a dornish whore and join his enemies if he shamed her in any way
Also in this hc Jena had a stereotype-based opinion on Targs and Dornish men as sexy beasts so Baelor’s real personality is a shock to her and she doesn’t like him, and their relationship is polite but cold. And he thinks she can sense he doesn’t enjoy their intimacy and feels all sorts of ashamed and guilty. And so years later when Baelor’s widowed he has left most of the shame behind and he’s popular enough to consider it safe getting a lover but he has no clue how to court a man! And he has no one to guide him cause he has no gay friends no community not even a book. And for someone so clever and successful it must feel awful!
Enter Dunk, whose pure soul and pretty everything destroy Baelor’s considerations about a casual relationship! Now he’s in love and 10 types of frustrated ahahahahaha!
stop tagging your heated rivalry bullshit with “game changer” im tryna look at gifsets of anna garcia beating up demi adejuyigbe while josh rueben fucks a sam reich mannequin in a baby carrier.
the funniest thing to me about maekar/lyonel is that, on the surface, you'd root for lyonel to bring life and sparkle to that grumpy old man! help him let loose! but. that grumpy old man already has SO MUCH going on 😭 he's got six kids, amongst them a drunk dragon dreamer, a bald menace, a violent lunatic and a little girl trying to love potion one of her brothers. he's the fourth son but has to endure royal duties and surely he counts voicing out grievances as part of those duties (baelor won't ever be anything but polite and nice and perfect so he's gotta take one for the team, ugh).
if ANYTHING the old grumps in the one bringing absolute chaos to lyonel's life, who possibly only gets to let loose if he's invited to a tourney far from his dreary, boring home. they get involved in ashford and on their way back to their respective keeps lyonel's entourage gets to delay for a bit in summerhall because godsdamn daeron has lost a bet with lyonel's men and now maekar has to honour the targaryen name and provide them with a night's revelrie of summerhall's finest liquour. lyonel is delighted. maekar wants to dip daeron in the nearest wine tank. dunk and baelor are About.
more inexperienced Baelor... the first time he and Dunk make love, they go very slowly with anything they try, and Dunk is very clumsy but VERY eager. Baelor is shaking and crying out like he's the world's most skilled lover though cuz' it's honestly the first time he's ever been treated quite like that and it's overwhelming and he's REALLY embarrassed letting out an honest-to-god full-on moan for the first time in bed. Dunk's like :D ?!!??!?! I CAUSED THAT?!
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we often write dunk all cute and inexperienced in love because well, canon, but hear me out. baelor first being married for political reasons, finally being chosen for being himself (by dunk) and banging someone (dunk) who wants to bang him because he is beautiful and it feels good and he likes being so close to him, not for making heirs, not because he's a prince. inexperienced in love especially gay love, blushy starved-of-romantic-touch embarrassed silly baelor losing his composure, and dunk, courtship of maximum cuteness. let's do it.
@hardsaltdilf I'll have more thoughts later when I'm done work, so this is just 1/2, but I had to start answering this or else my brain was going to explode from holding all the thoughts in
so this is just like ... the prelude I guess
okay first, I generally don't like to make the dead wife the big evil meanie to set up a m/m relationship because yikes, but I don't think it would be a stretch to imagine that jena and baelor probs had a pretty icy relationship. the marcher lords straight up hate the dornish, and there's a not insignificant amount of racism towards the dornish in asoiaf canon, and in the books baelor looks pretty fucking dornish. so i think the problem goes beyond oh they didn't marry for love it was just duty, like I think (in this instance bc there are some fics where jena/baelor had a great relationship that I love) they fairly openly dislike each other, like zero love there, sex is missionary with the lights off for the sole purpose of procreation, and then they are immediately going their separate ways, and once they have their heirs they probs don't even look at each other if they don't have to.
and even though the dislike was probs mutual I think political or not being in a relationship with someone who hates you has got to fuck you up at least a little bit. on top of that, no shot is baelor finding a side piece bc all the business with the blackfyres has thoroughly scared him away from even the possibility of siring a bastard, and also even though he doesn't like jena he did make a vow. so then we say well what about a man? but baelor grew up in famous asshole aegon iv’s court so he's probs heard every slur westeros has to offer for men that lie with other men, and in canon we do have evidence for someone's claim to the throne not being supported bc they are presumably gay (bittersteel not supporting daemon ii’s rebellion, obviously that happens later but just putting it out there) so absolutely no way in hell is perfect heir baelor risking even the inkling of him liking men getting out, and I do think there is pressure there to be perfect in all other regards bc he's got this big secret that he probs considers to be a personal failing and so he's like well if I'm the perfect prince, and the best warrior, and have no other flaws besides this then maybe I can get away with nobody ever knowing.
so if I've just said ain't no way he's risking it, then how does it happen? well I think dunk has to be the one doing the pursuing here. and to be clear, I don't think in this situation dunk is any less socially awkward, like bro is so fucking clumsy about it (anyone remember the part in the second book where he's trying to compliment Lady Webber?). and I think maybe he's so bad at flirting and baelor has so thoroughly shut down any sort of personal desires he has, that it sort of goes over baelors head. like people say nice shit and flatter him all the time, he's the prince it's just how it goes, plus he saved dunks life so like yeah the guy is probs going to be extra nice. and here's where my sweet baby ser donnel (random aside, but in a way I can't explain I feel like ser donnel and scott hunter from heated rivalry are like…the same to me, like the vibes are identical) comes in. he notices that dunks flirting and he's like oooh fuck, like that's not going to be good, bc he thinks baelor is straight as a fucking arrow, but he likes dunk so he's going to go smooth things over, so he goes to baelor and he's like heyyyyy so I know dunks quite….taken with you. pls don't be offended, like he just has heard all these stories about the great baelor breakspear and he's got some hero worship going on, but like it's nothing untoward I promise, I'll tell him to ease off just like don't be mad at the guy. and baelor is like my guy what the actual fuck are you talking about? bc he thinks it's all been just normal knightly devotion even tho it's so obviously more than that. and ser donnel is like the way he's hitting on you?? like haven't you noticed? literally everyone has noticed that dunks a little 💅🏼, but he's a good knight, and we should all just ignore it and pretend we don't notice for his sake, and baelors like oh!!! like he didn't realize that was even on the table, but now that it's been brought to his attention he's starting to have thoughts
1/2 was a lie, this is 2/3, bc i still have more to say
so anyways ser donnel is all concerned but baelors like no no it's fine, don't say anything to him about it, bc he sure as shit doesn't want it to stop. so it carries on and now that baelor is paying attention he's all flustered by it. not in a way that's super obvious, bc like he's too well trained to go full blushing virgin, but I definitely think that when he feels out of his depth or like doesn't know what to do socially he's going to resort to what he does know which is like courtly manners and whatnot. so he's trying to flirt back with dunk and the best he can manage is like yes ser duncan you have served me quite admirably, you are a most devoted and loyal knight. but I think in this context that little bit of extra attention is enough for to indicate that he's not not interested,and without outright saying it I think they develop a mutual understanding of there's something more here, but we have to be so so careful about it.
and i think baelor would sort of just let it lie there, if he were the one that had to do something about it, bc he's while he's brave about everything else, this is the one thing he's never allowed himself and even an untouched mutual understanding with dunk is more than he ever thought he'd have and at least this way he feels kind of seen, without risking anything. but dunk isn't about to let that happen, so he's making up any excuse that he can to spend extra time with baelor, and like when they're together it's like these innocuous little things like he hands baelor something and lets their fingers touch for a second too long, or like helping baelor onto his horse when he doesn't actually need it, and stuff like that. and like nobody ever wants to spend time with baelor just for the sake of spending time with him, like everyone always wants something, or is trying to curry favor, but dunk is truly just there for baelor, and that of course sends baelor into fucking orbit bc he's like what do you mean you just want to be around me? and dunk is like yes always, whenever you'll have me. and as it turns out baelor can't get enough of him, so whenever you'll have me turns into all the god damned time. and the line slowly starts to blur.
so then we have to get over the line, bc yeah at this point baelors probs like lounging around with his head in dunks lap when they're alone in his chambers and that sort of shit, but there's still a long way to go. we have canon references to kings kissing their lords, just a lil smooch on the cheek (this is joffrey when he's doling out rewards after the battle of blackwater bay), and that's where I imagine this starts. bc baelor can safely give anyone a little kiss, in that sort of context. so maybe this is when dunks getting added to the kingsguard or something, and obviously they'd discuss it privately before there is like a proper swearing in (is that a thing for kingsguard? it is now.) so they're in baelors solar and he's just told dunk that he's going to add him to the kingsguard, and goes to give him a little courtly, proper kiss and dunk is like okay so actually and grabs his face and kisses baelor properly.
ser arlan of pennytree kills two cops in broad daylight drunk as fuck bc he saw a homeless child in danger n it cemented me as ser arlan stan. he IS the man the myth the legend he IS the goat and the moment and the knight of the seven kingdoms and he will always be famous. he lived he remembered his vows he Fucked and he died. king shit
spearhedge is delicious to me because here is BIG loyal boy who wants to serve his prince/king with humility and chivalry, and then you have the Most Chivalrous Man in the World ™ who certifiably Fucks™ who is able to make said big loyal boy flush and stutter with just compliments or a fond look because part of Dunk’s loyalty is tied to (what he believes is) a one-sided foolish crush but he knows he’s being presumptuous, knows he is unworthy of Baelor’s consideration and god does Baelor love to prove him wrong. also love it when big strong boys are shy and bashful and inexperienced in bed WHO SAID THAT?? SHOW YOURSELF
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"if i had a time machine i would go back in time and kill hitler"
I would put sea mines around medieval britain. i would give hannibal barca ww2 era heavy artillery and tell him not to stop till he starts seeing gauls. i would give boudica a fucking abrams. i would appear before jesus like an angel and tell him "you gotta stop. not cause theyll kill you, youre fine with that, surprisingly, but because your fanclub is gonna spend about 1500 years making everything worse for everyone, everywhere." I would take a glock back in time and shoot romulus, shoot remus, and shoot that damn dog too just to be safe. i would be on the side of christopher columbus' ship in a scuba suit planting c4 on that bitch like rainbow six siege. i would be waging a one woman campaign of terror across andalusia to prevent the reconquista. i would be getting way out in front of that shit is what im saying,
today I learned that in 2008, the city council of florence overturned dante’s sentence of execution if he returned from exile. yes, dante’s inferno dante, who died in 1321.
but the funniest part of this is not that they were debating the exile of a man who has been dead for over 500 years.
the funniest part is that the vote was 19-5. five people voted to uphold dante’s exile.
The objectively funniest part of this is actually that the city that holds his remains, Ravenna, refused to give his remains back. This was a ploy from florence to have his remains moved back for the tourist money and its been ongoing for a long time. Florence had a fake tomb built in the city to trick people into visiting, and have tried to force the return of the remains.
His actual caretakers have been very steadfast in keeping them hidden, moved, or generally out of reach to respect his choice in life to never, ever, ever return to florence, even when he was first offered the chance to return. This is at this point an almost millenium long feud that florence is really, really mad about losing