ReptileRae

I wasn't going to post this because I was thinking of actually just writing the fic, but I want to get it out of my head for now so I can get back to my wild and unrealistic goal of finishing Griselda Grue this month (it's wild and unrealistic because it's probably going to be more than 100,000 words, and I can't always get myself to sit down and write every single day ANYWAY).

So there's something that crops up in fairytales where women get pregnant by eating a plant -- usually a thistle or a rose. My favorite example of this is Tattercloak, but I believe Prince Lyndwyrm was also a thistle baby. I was thinking the Westerosi equivalent of this would be to eat a Weirwood nut.

Dunk's mother doesn't want a husband or to even really have sex but she does want a baby. So she goes to the Isle of Faces, picks out a weirwood she likes the look of and eats one of the nuts. Forty weeks later, she gives birth to Dunk. She and Dunk somehow get separated when Dunk is very young (I'm imagining that he falls in the blackwater rush and she can't get to him in time and he floats to King's Landing, and only being half tree keeps him from drowning and/or hypothermia). Dunk's mom, I've been thinking of her as Ursula, prays to the gods about how to get him back because she has no idea where he's going to end up for sure and the gods are like, "Hang out with Brynden Rivers long enough, and he'll come back to you." She goes to Brynden is like, I hear you have this hype squad -- I want to join, I brought everyone weirwood bows. Brynden allows this.

Dunk ends up in a KL orphanage run by the faith, but ends up getting kicked out because he can't pray if there are no trees and of course you should give the occasional blood sacrifice? How else do the gods know you're serious? Septa, it just has to be a squirrel or a rat, I'm not gonna kill another kid (or however he would talk since he's like three or four at the time). Dunk ends up falling in with Rafe, Pudding and Ferret, who teach him the ways of the street orphan and like that he's big and tall. In the wake of the Blackfyre Rebellion ending, there's a sore need for hands in all trades, so the kids all end up getting apprenticeships around the time Ser Arlan and Dunk meet for the first time and Arlan takes Dunk to squire.

A selling point from Arlan is that Dunk gets to sleep under trees again. He doesn't really know WHY that's important, but he knows that it is.

For years after 9/11 we were constantly told “NEVER FORGET” and the idea was basically “keep feeling sad and afraid and especially ANGRY forever; don’t let time dull your emotional response like it’s naturally supposed to; continue to justify the injustices by feeling this way all the time.” And the 3000 deaths were constantly pointed to as this huge deal that justified any lengths to go to.

And then Covid hit. And there were several points during the height of the pandemic (because fun fact, according to the actual definitions of a pandemic, *it’s not technically over yet!* ) where we were having a 9/11’s worth of deaths every week or so. And suddenly 3000 deaths were not a big deal at all. Instead of being enough reason to go to war far away and strip us at home of many rights too, they weren’t even enough justification to make people wear a damn piece of fabric over their face.

3000 people died once and now the government can legally wiretap anyone without a warrant, and hold people at Gitmo under suspicion of terrorism (no need for due process)… 3000 people dying every week but we should all still be going out to brunch and concerts and who cares about the disabled and immunocompromised?

…Instead of buying Saint and Sinners, Len buys a little hipster cafe as a front for all his rogue business. Knowing he won’t talk to any cops, Singh decides to send Barry in to collect enough evidence against Len to justify a warrant. 

Len knows this and decides to mess with him. Barry knows that Len knows this, and is increasingly frustrated by it.

Que Barry’s daily dramatic schemes as he attempts to catch Len out, which he manages to turn into looking like the biggest meet-cute. All the other regulars totally ship them and try to get them together, which Len finds hilarious.

Classic coffee-shop!AU tropes are a must, because they all manipulated by Len to annoy Barry. 

Such as: Barista has favourite coffee order pre-prepared for when their favourite customer arrives, only Barry has never been there before, ‘have you been stalking me again? Goddamit Len’

The Barista writes number on cup, gives latte with heart foam. ‘Wait that’s my number, how did you get this.’

Accidentally spills coffee and knocks them both to the floor? Nah just trying to feel for a gun, but in doing so you’ve managed to steal my phone, wallet, forensic ID and the bagel I just brought.

Omg making a new drink order that was ‘inspired by you’ the day after The Flash loses to Captain Cold. Is it called ‘The Iced Flash?’ Absolutely. 

First off, by an assumption that immediately should be retroactively made correct, it’s not just any old cafe that Len buys: It’s Jitters. This shit’s PERSONAL.

Barry like “that’s. That’s my cafe. What the fuck, Len, you can’t just buy out my cafe” and Len’s like “Funny, when I bought the deed I didn’t see you listed as the owner” and Barry is fuming like “I have been coming here for YEARS, my tips helped pay for Iris’ textbooks all throughout college” and Len’s like “and now your tips help pay for Lisa’s latest shopping spree”.

This is also why Singh sends Barry in, because he’s a regular anyway, right? Barry can’t tell him he has personal beef with the owner and he has to acknowledge the sheer lack of risk involved with him investigating.

Len is an infuriatingly good boss, according to Iris. Literally overnight the baristas’ wages went from tipped minimum wage to like, actually livable wage, plus tips. This could in fact be part of the money laundering but literally no one is ratting Len out now that they have the best fucking part time job they’ve ever worked (as was his plan all along)

Lisa and Mick treat this whole thing as like, you know, just a crime front, but Len takes things hella seriously. He balances the budget, he pours over spreadsheets, he monitors supply and demand, he consults marketing experts and coffee snobs.

He also takes out the competition, by any means necessary. “What can I say, Barry? I’m a fan of iced coffee, and that chain? Let’s just say it was an insult to the name ‘Cold’.” [Internal screaming from Barry]

Iris sees all these tropes taking place, doesn’t realize they’re carefully orchestrated to drive Barry insane, and instead joins the crowd of regulars/employees trying to get them together. “I’m so excited and happy for you, Barr. I mean, it feels like a lot of the time I was the ‘wild child’, y'know? But now you’re the one keeping secrets from Joe and I’m in the loop, heh heh. Don’t worry I won’t tell Dad :)” and Barry is like “Iris I can’t date Leonard Snart he’s a felon” and she’s like “yeah but doesn’t that kind of make it exciting?”

Caitlin and Cisco tentatively broaching the subject after the latest long rant from Barry like “I know this is really frustrating, but like… surely running a coffee shop is better for everyone than, you know… kidnapping people?” And Barry looks at them like 😐

baby boromir.

frickin’ baby boromir.

Aragorn: it can’t be him. he is a baby

"A poet died in Wain-Baruud. She never wrote a word while she lived, but now her verse flowers across cleft and abyss, kisses of colour and a lifetime’s tender observations."

If that poet was resurrected from the Neth, would she be writing poetry?

They wear suits, but they don't even know basic etiquette.

taumoeba (obviously)

instructions on how to use taumoeba (obviously)

50+ hrs of unedited footage of Grace fucking up a bunch of stuff in the ship

so much info about Eridian language

1700+ hrs of unedited footage of Grace and Rocky fucking up a bunch of shit in the ship

Cannot emphasize how much info on the eridian sentence structure there is here

a weirdass knit sweater pattern that takes people weeks to realize is for Rocky

literally hundreds of pages of Grace just describing Eridian linguistic history which like honestly isn't even his field why should we even listen to this guy- (hes the only one to ever fucking met an intelligent alien Dave. we'll take him at his word)

Why the Goldilocks Zone is for Idiots Part 2: Biological Diversity all across the Petrova Line (subtitled "We haven't found them yet BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN THEY DONT FUDHING EXIST-")

what are essentially just those reaction videos "Alien watches Legally Blonde for the first time" "Alien gives thoughts on movie Cats (2019)" "You'll never believe what this Alien thinks of the movie Fantastic Mr. Fox"

Grace's modified cardigan charts because someone was asking for them on his Ravelry and he never actually got around to posting them

(people have already fully recreated this cardigan just months after his launch. but they appreciate it)

very respective, kind eulogies for everyone who died in this mission (Grace AND Rocky's crew)

a lace shawl pattern inspired by the petrova line with a beaded fringe. knitters everywhere weep in despair because those instructions are gOD AWFUL, the man had 0 (zero) test knitters AND THERES NO PICTURES FUCK

Rocky make Grace cringe compilation statement

Boris "professional idiot" Johnson wanted to build an island airport in the immediate area.

it's fucking visible

You weren't kidding they've been trying to get the masts off for 5 years and keep getting foiled because there's probably bombs leaking out of her

1. The court holds Google responsible for statements made by its AI, considering them Google's statements (search engines have limited liability for results in their engine as they're the words of other sites/companies/people), meaning when their AI lies/hallucinates they're liable for the defamation/harm resulting from those statements.

2. Google's defense that customers are generally aware of the lack of reliability and are responsible for fact checking was dismissed. As the court pointed out, that would "significantly diminish" AI Search's stated purpose and it can't be distinguished from Google's business practices/statements as a search tool.

3. Studies have found about 91% of Google's everyday AI responses are accurate, leaving millions of searches per HOUR with potential liability for falsehoods. 56% of correct responses weren't supported by the sources the AI listed. Both of which mean Google is now liable for a LOT more AI "errors."

4. Google was held liable for 80% of court costs in this case and this precedent is expected to reverberate around the world. This is a massive shift from the 3rd-party search provider role Google has previously played and it comes right as they've tied ALL searches to their AI search.

Are you going to come out of it with a Klein-level work? No. Dude was bonkers skilled. But I am here to tell you that if you've ever gone to Home Depot and shuffled through paint chips and been like "God, this is such a gorgeous color, I fucking love this color" and then immediately been like "...but I can't imagine painting a wall with it." and bought a can of soul-killing eggshell off-white or what the fuck ever, you absolutely can go pick up a $10 canvas from a craftstore and a $5 sample of that color and just hang 6 square feet of it on a wall and enjoy the fuck out of it.