i'm losing my shit @deftonesdick - Tumblr Blog

no more catboys. catmen . 28 yr old washed up depressed catman downing his 5th whiskey glass and his cat ears twitch depressedly

lekosis

And then he pushes the empty glass forlornly off the counter

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beardedmrbean

nottodaycia

Hmmmm dont like this

strangechaoss

me: man fuck gender roles do whatever the fuck you want

also me: hnnnng manly man take out the trash without bein asked im so masculine

tixij

They pump the air in hotel hallways full of adrenaline so you just want to run

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i-was-today-years-old-when

i learned that tamales were once as popular across America as hamburgers and hotdogs. And the height of their popularity was known as The Tamale Wars, as vendors at times were so competitive that it caused murders, riots, and shoot outs (x)

Update: we got called fags while I was taking my boyfreind on a date 🤩 happy fucking valentines

#at least they thought i was a man ig #it was some bitch driving past jn a car so she didnt even have the balls to get out

deftonesdick

I should probably elaborate that this was my boyfreind and I sent him this as I was literally heading to his house for our valentines date

oe6

berylliumoxide

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hcnnibal

body shaking… cold, nervous, or hungry???

hcnnibal

am just chihuahua

hollowboobtheory

imagine hiring an assassin and they talk to you in a customer service voice

teaboot

"Hello, how can I help you today? Wonderful, can I get a first and last name? And how would I spell that? Awesome. And would you happen to have an address for this individual? And place of work? Fantastic.

Now, I'm going to give you a number, and I'm going to ask that you send in a photo of your target alongside any additional information you may have- family members, security, combat training, medical conditions, just anything you can think of that might be helpful.

Wonderful, you are all good. All we need now is a piece of government-issued ID, for insurance purposes, and a location for payment pickup. We accept cash, gold, processed uranium, and etransfer.

I'm sorry, we don't take american express.

Good, okay, so it looks like we are all set- when the job is complete, you will be notified VIA discreet codeword that a stranger will whisper to you on a crowded street.

We do not issue receipts, but if you'd like, I can arrange for a specific breed of tropical flower to be sent to your home address. Our associates will be able to validate it should the need arises.

And is that everything you were looking for today? Great! Thank you for coming to us. Have a nice day!"

teaboot

Alternatively,

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid the Pope is a high-status target that is beyond our area of service.

Yes, I- no, I'm sorry, I'm not able to do that for you.

Okay. Okay. Yes, I understand.

Sir, if you're going to use that sort of language, you should know that our HR department does operate in a hands-on capacity.

Wonderful. You take care."

nebulousboundsfloof

They create a perfectly normal call cemter staffed by decidedly amoral college students and paying them at least 4x minimum wage.

hollowboobtheory

hiring manager: you’re not concerned about the ah, services we offer?

a college student who has eaten ramen twice a day for the past year: for $25/hour i’ll pull the trigger myself

talvin-muircastle

Look, the difference between Assassins and Customer Service is that Assassins are paid a lot of money to kill people and Customer Service isn’t being paid nearly enough not to.

mwagneto

losing my MIND

wildspringday

wish my life was like a 90's movie where all my friends work in record stores and bookshops and coffee shops and we see really cool bands in small little clubs and get breakfast together and like hang out on roofs and shit

nostoccommune

GRRRRRRRR I don't WANT to confirm my email address! I HATE confirming my email address! *rips the door off my fridge*

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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joy-crimes

ksdhgfjsdkhgaklsdjfh

vacanine-deactivated20240227

y'all know testosterone isn’t a contraceptive, right? it is Very important to me y'all know testosterone is not a contraceptive.

vacanine-deactivated20240227

even if testosterone stops your menstrual cycle, if you were able to conceive before starting hrt, there is still a chance you can conceive while on testosterone!!

please use actual contraception!!

aerisswitchblade

let me know if i’m out of my lane here but it’s also important to note that estrogen also shouldn’t be relied on as a primary contraceptive if you haven’t had an orchiectomy!

it can very heavily reduce your sperm count but there’s still very much a non-zero chance you can get someone pregnant, i’ve heard tons of stories from trans couples who were certain that they were in the clear because one partner was taking estrogen and the other was taking testosterone but ended up getting pregnant anyway! please be safe and do your research!

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i'm losing my shit