Clint: I JUST SPRAYED DEODORANT IN MY EYES!
Natasha: Why?
Clint: To make my eyeballs smell like dark temptation. WHAT DO YOU THINK? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!
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Clint: I JUST SPRAYED DEODORANT IN MY EYES!
Natasha: Why?
Clint: To make my eyeballs smell like dark temptation. WHAT DO YOU THINK? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

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Tony: I’m afraid you’re wrong, as I actually have a black belt.
Pepper: In karate?
Tony: No from Gucci
Peter: I think I’m having a mid-life crisis.
Ned: But you’re not at mid-life.
Peter: A quarter life crisis
Ned: You’re not at quarter-life either
Peter: So what would you call it?
Ned: Just a crisis
Peter: Oh shit, yeah
Tony, to Steve: I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
Peter: I’m a guy with VERY mature interests.
MJ: Such as?
Peter: Politics… culture… PG-13 movies

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Tony: I have feelings for you.
Steve: You do?
Tony: Yes… I feel you’re a little annoying.
Steve: Can’t you put your hostility aside for one minute?
Bucky: Oh alright, I’ll stack it on top of my anger.
Tony: You care about people
Peter: Some of my best friends are people!
Steve: Be serious for a minute.
Tony: Thirty seconds is my record.
Tony: I love games that turn people against each other

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John Walker: Bucky! Long time no talk!
Bucky: Let’s keep it that way.
Bucky: I don’t have a murderer face do I? No one has ever said that to me before…
Sam: Yeah, because they didn’t want to be murdered…
Steve, to the team: I love you guys. And Bucky specifically.
Tony: Peter, for goodness sake throw out that gingerbread house, it’s from Christmas!
Peter: Fine
Peter: But you’re going to be leaving a lot of ants with no home.
Peter: What happened in 1812?
Tony: The War of 1812.
Peter: When was it?
Tony: 1812
Peter: What happened?
Tony: War

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Sam, about Steve and Bucky: They match each other's freak to a degree that it is dangerous to the public.
Peter: Your belly button is just your old mouth
Steve:
Tony: I was having a good day. We were all having a good day.