Still been mentally in agony. Just kinda almost attempted ig but. It wasn't really working out so. Don't think it counts. I'll figure it out eventually

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@defective-automaton
Still been mentally in agony. Just kinda almost attempted ig but. It wasn't really working out so. Don't think it counts. I'll figure it out eventually

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I swear, I donβt fucking care
(I care a lot, Iβm just pretending I donβt so I feel better than if I did)
A remind to myself:
NEVER OPEN UP TO PEOPLE AND REPRESS E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G I HAVE IN MY FUCKING MIND.
shoutout to the people who internalise their anger towards others, and take it out on themselves.
i need to be put down like the sick animal i am.

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i hope in my next life iβm someone good. someone worth it. someone better.
i donβt need anyone to pray on my downfall. i am fucking great at ruining my own life actually.
!!! iβm so fucking tired of feeling wrong and crazy and insane and fucked up and angry and sad and not real and what the fuck is the point
vibrating in suicidal ideation.
Well i Think it get worse
I cant even feel happy at all
Mayby I feel emptiness or idk
I just dont want live

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The wait to end it is indescribable. I want to do it right now but I can't. But waiting til tomorrow is agony. I just want to die
I give up.
i want to get hospitalized so i'd finally prove everyone that i'm not mentally well. but i don't want to be a burden cause i know my loved ones have their own struggles.
it feels like were not getting anywhere. whats the point? this is futile
im omw to rock bottom, anyone need anything while im there?

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Does anyone else have that one mental illness that you think you might have but not really? Like it's a complicated disorder and you don't wanna be the type of person to see one symptom of it that you relate to and self diagnose because of that, so you tend to not look into the disorder at all in fear of relating to it more, but you can't help but look it up a bit on Tumblr or tiktok or any other social media app bc the posts are kinda relatable and then you just feel guilt bc "you don't have the disorder. You're not that messed up. Everything is fine so stop seeking out problems."
Guess who destroyed their own entire support system. Guess who keeps ruining everything for themselves and dragging everyone else down along with them. Guess who sabotages every little thing and is left with only despair
I think everyone should learn to cut their losses with me already. Im a lost cause
I knew this would happen