月が綺麗ですね

" you still have flour on your nose . "

river brushed at her face with an amused grin as the flour dusted off in the air around them . it made sunhee sneeze , blowing off the remaining flour and sugar that had been stuck in her hair after she'd accidentally dropped the bag on herself not realizing it had already been opened . river laughed as he pulled her closer on his lap , consoling his pouty girlfriend as she looked back on the mess with a frown .

" it wasn't supposed to be this messy , " she mumbled . his kitchen had been left in disaster in her attempt to use what baking tools he had to make him a birthday cake , the finished product sloppily presented on a plate with a candle sticking from the top . " next year i'll make it at my house instead so it will look better . "

" next year ? " river repeated with adoration towards his girlfriend as she discussed a future he hoped she'd be a part of .

sunhee nodded , the faint movement of her head causing more flour to fall from her hair and sprinkle on river's clothes . " you know what , i should probably shower so i don't mess up your couch -- " she'd started , starting to pull herself out of his arms so she could clean herself up , but river didn't let her stand as he tugged her right back into his lap .

" no , you look so cute all messy . it's really sweet what you did ... no one's ever made me a birthday cake before . " he tapped the tip of her nose , another amused chuckle escaping him as sunhee's eyes crossed in the middle to follow his finger . he couldn't help but give her a quick kiss at how adorable she looked in that moment . " you've made this one of the best birthday's i've ever had . thank you sunhee . "

she felt her face turn bright red , his lips probably feeling the warmth of her skin as he pressed another sweet kiss to her cheek , pulling her closer to his chest and rocking her slightly in his arms . " it was nothing ... , " she'd tried to brush off the sudden gratitude over something that seemed so small , despite not having her own birthday celebrations this intimate with a mother who barely remembered and an absent father who sometimes sent gifts . truthfully , she wanted river's birthday to be special because he was special to her , and hoped that it showed just how much she'd grown to care for him .

" river . really ... i feel gross . the sugar will start getting all sticky and the flour will ruin my hair , " she'd tried again , this time river letting her go with a groan and standing with her .

" fine , you can shower . i'll start cleaning up the kitchen . " it was unwilling , but he couldn't stop her and when the shower started running , river went through his kitchen picking up the mess left behind from sunhee's attempts turning his partially kept kitchen into a bakery . there hadn't been a proper cake pan , so the poor woman ended up using a cooking pot . the cake was half eaten on the table shaped like a lumpy oval , an accomplishment she'd managed to make anything given the state of the supplies he had . the flour bag that had burst on her was still in a mess on the floor river happily swept up and tossed , egg shells stuck to his counter , sprinkles found in spots of his kitchen that hadn't been used . what remained of the cake was stored in the same container sunhee once used to gift him cookies , now always kept at his home for whatever treat she decided to make him . the cake was by far the ugliest of all her creations , but it meant the most to him . he'd make sure the picture he'd taken of both of them in front of it would be printed and hung somewhere in his apartment as a reminder of the precious memory .

sunhee came out twenty minutes later with damp hair hanging down her shoulders dressed in one of river's shirts stolen from his closet . the shorts were her own , bare faced and skin glowing , but holding a small bag in her hands with a big smile trying to hold back her excitement . " it's your real gift , " she explained when she held it out to him .

" you didn't have to get me anything , " he mumbled , accepting the bag with a pull of sunhee's arm to bring her back against his front , lips pressed to the top of her head . " i love it . "

" you didn't even open it yet , " she said with a roll of her eyes .

" no , but i already know i'll love it because i love you . "

sunhee bashfully grinned , both hands coming to cover her face at his choice of words that were endearing , but incredibly cringe inducing . " just open it , " she mumbled .

river stepped back with a chuckle , reaching into the bag and finding a jewelry case at the bottom . inside was a gold chain with a crescent moon at the bottom , river letting it dangle off his fingers as delicately raised to examine it under the light . " sunhee , " he sighed , hoping she hadn't paid for something so expensive , but the gesture of it so thoughtful he felt his throat choke up . just a small amount .

" it had to be gold . with all the books you've given me , wolves can't use silver ... that's your hint that you don't like silver jewelry , right ? " she laughed , helping untangle it from his fingers and unclasping it to wrap around his neck . once secured , she'd adjusted so the crescent moon dangled low on his neck . " i know you can't wear it to work , but it should match with the rest of your fashion and would look great on you . "

river dropped the bag to the ground , quickly grasping the sides of sunhee's face and pulling her into a deep kiss . the breath was knocked right out of her lungs from the intensity of it , eyes fluttered closed almost immediately , and arms hanging near his waist as his head tilted to the side . she could still taste the vanilla and sugar from his cake after he'd pulled away , neither one of them speaking for a moment as river traced his thumb down the side of sunhee's flushed face . " you're so precious to me , sunhee , " he said . " you know how much you mean to me , right ? " she nodded . her fingers tightened at the sides of his shirt she now gripped .

" i do . you mean that much to me , too , river , " she said back to him . neither one of them said it -- those words she'd wished for any man to tell her she hadn't heard before , but always wished . her mother hadn't said it . everest never said it , even if she knew he did , as evident by the stiff look he'd given his best friend when he'd dropped her off at his apartment that night , despite her saying it to him numerous times . " i'll make sure we celebrate your birthday every year better than the last , " she promised .

" sweetheart ? " she thought she heard it correctly . no one had ever given her an endearing nickname like that before and meant for it to be kind -- usually a way to tease her , yet when river said it , it felt genuine and real . it did another twinge to her heart as she stood there with her hands holding the straps of her heavy backpack and didn't make the rest of her afternoon of classes seem as difficult . " i usually tutor on the weekends ... if my professor needs any help , i'll come in if they ask . "

it wasn't as though sunhee had much of a personal life outside of her classes , what time she did have was in a cafe with her friends or find something to do with everest . " the whole weekend ? " she repeated again , contemplating taking him up on the offer for the whole week if he was willingly offering . she thought about it , perhaps only a few seconds , but eagerly nodded . " i think the weekend is nice . we can spend time getting to know each other more , if you wouldn't mind if i bring some of my studying with . "

she'd been a little ... distracted the first time that she couldn't remember exactly how his apartment was set up and if there was a place for her to lay out her books and literature notes . hopefully he wouldn't mind if she was sprawled out on the floor with her many notebooks and laptop to finish the necessary grading . worries brushed aside as she saw the doors of the university begin to open and other students began trickling out of the front on their way to their next classes , leaving sunhee with not that much time left before she had to be in the lecture hall .

" i can't wait for our next date , " she said . she wanted to kiss him , something quick and meaningful , but hesitated , as if the two of them hadn't already slept together . it felt different this time , and opted for another one of her hugs that snuggly wrapped herself around him . " thank you for the drive back to the university . i'll make sure to message you when i get home later tonight . and i'll let you know what time i can come over tomorrow night ! " she left him with a little wave and a small skip in her step as she partly ran to her class , bearing an excited smile , and a happy nervousness that left her thrilled the rest of the night .

then frantic packing . sunhee didn't have a suitcase , but she had a big enough bag that could hold a couple days worth of clothes she shoved inside , a few facemasks , and her backpack with her notes . she chewed her lip as she looked over everything and tried to remember river's apartment , embarrassed at how little she could recall if she needed to bring anything else like shampoo or soap . she picked up her phone and was sending him a picture of everything she'd already packed .

[ sms : river ] i know i might be overpacking but what else should i bring for this weekend ? do i need to bring my own towel or toothpaste ?

[ sms : river ] do you want me to bring brownies ? i want to bake for you again but idk if i'll have any room left

he  caught  himself  thinking  about  her  for  the  rest  of  the  day.  it  was  almost  embarrassing.  every  now  and  then,  he'd  realize  he  was  smiling  to  himself  for  absolutely  no  reason,  only  to  remember  exactly  who  had  been  occupying  his  thoughts.  his  coworkers  noticed  almost  immediately.  there  was  no  hiding  it.  the  teasing  started  before  dinner  had  even  ended,  someone  had  finally  asked  if  he'd  met  someone.  river,  surprisingly,  didn't  bother  denying  it.  he  admitted  it.  told  them  there  was  a  girl  he'd  started  seeing.  of  course,  the  moment  everest's  name  came  up,  the  garage  erupted.  everyone  there  knew  him  in  one  way  or  another,  which  made  it  impossible  to  leave  out  the  small  detail  that  the  girl  happened  to  be  his  best  friend's  younger  sister.  the  whistles.  the  laughter.  the  fake  condolences.  they  came  one  after  another.  

“man,  you're  dead.”

“should  we  start  planning  the  funeral?”

“does  everest  know  yet?”

river  rolled  his  eyes  through  all  of  it,  laughing  along  despite  himself.  by  the  end  of  the  shift,  the  constant  joking  had  somehow  made  the  day  fly  by.  it  wasn't  a  bad  way  to  spend  the  evening.  once  he  finally  got  home,  he'd  barely  stepped  through  the  front  door  before  his  phone  buzzed  in  his  pocket.  sunhee.  his  smile  returned  before  he'd  even  unlocked  the  screen.

📱:  awww  just  for  the  weekend? 📱:  sweetheart!  you  don't  need  a  towel  or  toothpaste.  i've  got  those. 📱:  there's  soap,  there's  shampoo...  although  probably  not  the  kind  you  use. 📱:  we  could  go  shopping  together  and  then  make  brownies  afterward? 📱:  damn.  i'll  come  pick  you  up  in  the  morning  and  take  your  bag  with  me.  you're  not  carrying  that  thing  around  all  day.

somehow…  she  stayed  on  his  mind  long  after  the  conversation  ended.  she  was  there  when  he  fell  asleep  and  somehow,  she  was  the  first  thing  he  thought  about  when  he  woke  up  the  next  morning.  friday.  finally.  which  meant  he  got  to  pick  her  up  after  classes  and  bring  her  home  with  him.  the  thought  alone  was  enough  to  get  him  moving.

he  tossed  a  load  of  clothes  into  the  washing  machine,  though  he  didn't  actually  start  it  yet.  instead,  he  walked  around  the  apartment  making  sure  everything  looked  at  least  somewhat  presentable.  the  trash  went  out  first.  his  laptop,  usually  abandoned  somewhere  random,  found  its  proper  place  on  the  coffee  table,  headset  resting  neatly  on  top  instead  of  being  left  on  the  couch  or  forgotten  on  the  floor.  it  still  looked  lived  in  but  at  least  it  looked  like  someone  had  attempted  to  clean.  once  he  was  satisfied,  he  grabbed  his  phone  and  called  one  of  his  coworkers.  hiro.  the  two  of  them  had  become  surprisingly  good  friends.  “you're  already  at  campus?”  river  laughed.  “alright.  i'll  be  there  in  twenty.”  he  hated  having  to  leave  his  bike  behind.  really  hated  it  but  the  car  made  more  sense  today.  it  was  more  comfortable,  especially  if  sunhee  was  bringing  an  overnight  bag.  besides,  judging  by  how  excited  hiro  had  sounded,  the  guy  was  probably  thrilled  he'd  get  to  borrow  river's  yamaha  for  the  weekend.  

after  swapping  vehicles,  river  pulled  onto  the  road.  traffic,  unfortunately,  had  other  plans.  what  should've  been  a  quick  drive  turned  into  a  slow  crawl  through  packed  streets,  making  him  glance  at  the  dashboard  clock  more  often  than  he'd  like.  by  the  time  he  finally  reached  sunhee's  building,  he  was  almost  running  late.  he  quickly  sent  her  a  message  letting  her  know  he'd  arrived  before  climbing  out  of  the  car.  walking  around  to  the  front,  he  leaned  casually  against  the  hood  while  he  waited.  the  sleek  black  sports  car  gleamed  beneath  the  morning  light.  similar  to  everest's.  just…  better.  at  least,  river  liked  to  think  so.

it hadn't taken long for haewon to realize what unfolded that night in the throne room . she'd barricaded herself in her chambers that night crying into her sheets as she replayed the betrayed look on river's face with her ladies listening to her grief from their surrounding rooms . they didn't dare trying to console her as they knew where that grief came from , and wouldn't risk adding to the princess's sadness over something taboo as her love for the knight .

the announcement of her engagement added to a new list of responsibilities as a wife that seemed more daunting than her future as queen . her father was still alive and healthy ; the dukes were more focused on haewon's role as heir with her involvement with the kingdom . there were plenty of visits to the surrounding villages with prince jinwoo accompanying her . the people quickly fell in love with the foreign prince and his charming kindness , and even haewon caught herself unable to resist his smile . it wasn't too difficult for her to pretend to love him , though once the pair of them were usually alone , it grew quiet .

she could tell the prince was internally struggling with his new role . one of the maiden's that accompanied the remaining entourage was often seen watching jinwoo , and haewon had caught the pair of them once walking the gardens while the rest of the castle slept . her own insomnia kept her awake and hoped she might find refuge with a stroll herself , just to find that it was already occupied . she didn't listen as to what the pair spoke , but figured it was enough that they deserved their privacy . rather than feel infuriated with the prospect of her fiancee in love with another woman , she felt as though both their fates had treated them unfairly . she took pity on the prince .

as river separated himself further from her family , the same routines slowly faded . no longer was she accompanied to her chambers as the royal family retired for the evening ; first , dohyun had taken river's place , and haewon softly questioned the lieutenant where the knight had run to . she had clarified further as the sweet faced soldier informed her that he was told to take over the role as river worked elsewhere . then , it was jinwoo who escorted her instead . he'd always kissed her hand respectfully and bid her a goodnight . their silent looks to each other never failed as if they both knew each other's secrets neither one of them would tell .

jinwoo's friendship wasn't enough to fill the empty hole in her heart from river's disappearance . without him being so near made her feel like she was lost inside her lifelong home -- everything felt so empty without him . then when she did see him , she'd get excited , even if just for a moment , then to get ignored . the princess deflated and choked back the ache in her throat as she felt like she was about to cry , but always surrounded by her ladies or by the castle staff that she had to hold it back . then river seemed to disappear from the castle entirely .

haewon wondered if it was all her fault . if she could find him and explain the pressure she was under , tell him how much she missed him , and try to plead her case that he'd forgive her for having to choose another , perhaps he'd listen . she felt like she was dying each day she couldn't be near him -- every day without him felt like a day that wasn't worth living . it wasn't just an infatuation ; haewon knew how madly in love with the knight she was ... if she could just tell him that , perhaps he'd find it in his heart to forgive her .

she heard the heavy boots coming down the stone halls . haewon had just left the castle's library holding one of the books of cathay's history ; should she marry in to their family , it would only be respectful for her to learn of her husband's home as he'd done to learn of hers . she quickly cradled it to her chest so river couldn't see what she was holding , as to ignore the reminder of the choice she had to make , with who , and there wasn't enough time for her to cover it . the thickness of the book and spine labelling the country couldn't be hidden . haewon gasped as she looked up to see river as she had many times before , only now there wasn't the same excitement she might have had spotting him . there was only a formal bow and a casual acknowledgement of her presence .

" ser river . " too formal . it was only the two of them . she knew he was going to try to walk away , and decided to speak first , his honor too sensitive for him to walk away when a member of the royal family to ignore her . haewon's breaths were more short . she needed to say it , quickly , before someone else could pass them . " the villages are safe , now . your place is beside the king ... you're sworn to him , " she started , trying to remind him of the oath that he'd taken , and hadn't broken , though his absence was noted by many . " please return to your rightful place beside my father ... " it still felt stiff . haewon could see his tense posture . " river . i miss you ... please . you're the one that i hold in my heart more than anyone , if you could just look at me and understand how difficult it has been for me to wander the castle without you being near . i feel like i'm suffocating . "

she took a step closer , blocking his path . he wouldn't dare push past her .

the  moment  his  eyes  caught  sight  of  what  she  was  trying  so  desperately  to  hide  in  her  arms,  his  gaze  immediately  shifted  away.  he  had  only  intended  to  walk  past  her.  he  wasn't  in  the  mood  to  speak—-  not  to  her,  not  to  anyone.  the  battle  raging  inside  him  was  already  exhausting  enough.  no  battlefield,  no  enemy  commander,  no  wound  he  had  ever  suffered  compared  to  this.  this  was  a  war  against  himself,  against  every  instinct  telling  him  to  stay  and  every  ounce  of  reason  demanding  he  leave.

his  footsteps  slowed  despite  himself.  then  stopped.  a  few  feet  separated  them  now.  his  hands  remained  clasped  neatly  behind  his  back,  shoulders  squared  in  perfect  military  posture,  his  expression  carefully  emptied  of  anything  that  could  betray  what  he  truly  felt.  “princess,”  he  began  quietly,  though  the  title  felt  heavier  now  than  it  ever  had  before,  “i  don't  belong  to  the  king...  or  anyone  else,  for  that  matter.”  the  words  came  out  sharper  than  he  intended.  he  knew  he  was  reaching  for  excuses.  anything  that  justified  why  he  no  longer  stood  beside  the  throne.  anything  that  explained  why  he  had  chosen  patrols  in  distant  villages  over  remaining  within  the  castle  walls.  “i'm  still  fulfilling  my  duty,”  he  continued,  his  voice  almost  painfully  formal.  “if  that's  what  you're  worried  about.”  it  sounded  wrong.  cold.  like  he  was  speaking  to  a  noblewoman  he'd  only  just  met  rather  than  the  girl  he'd  grown  up  beside.  rather  than…  his  haewon.  no.  she  had  never  been  his.  she  never  would  be.

he  felt  himself  stiffen  even  further  when  she  pleaded  with  him.  when  she  admitted  she  missed  him.  his  heartbeat  stumbled.  he  hated  that  she  could  still  do  that  to  him.  his  eyes  darted  away  before  she  could  see  just  how  fragile  his  composure  had  become.  what  was  the  point?  what  was  she  hoping  to  accomplish?  was  this  supposed  to  make  her  feel  better?  ease  her  guilt?  because  every  word  she  spoke  only  made  it  harder  for  him  to  breathe  and  what  about  him?  how  was  he  supposed  to  carry  all  of  this  for  the  rest  of  his  life?

slowly,  he  tilted  his  head  back.  his  eyes  closed.  he  drew  in  one  long,  controlled  breath,  desperately  trying  to  force  every  emotion  back  into  the  place  he'd  locked  them  away  ever  since  returning  to  the  castle  and  learning  of  her  engagement.  it  wasn't  enough.  “no...”  the  word  escaped  him  almost  as  a  whisper.  he  slowly  shook  his  head  before  finally  looking  back  at  her.  the  restraint  he'd  fought  so  hard  to  maintain  was  beginning  to  crack.  longing  settled  openly  across  his  features  now.  his  eyes  shimmered,  tears  threatening  to  spill  at  any  moment.  “what's  the  point?”  it  wasn't  really  a  question.  he  didn't  expect  an  answer.  he  already  knew  there  wasn't  one.  another  quiet  breath  left  him.  “i  know.”  his  voice  steadied  again,  though  only  barely.  “i  know  exactly  how  this  happened.”  his  gaze  drifted  briefly  toward  one  of  the  castle  windows  before  returning  to  her.  “it  wasn't  you.”  he  swallowed.  “it  was  the  court.”  another  pause.  “the  dukes.”  his  jaw  tightened.  “your  father...”  he  sighed  softly.  “he  was  afraid.”  not  of  enemies.  not  of  war.  of  politics.  of  losing  support.  of  disappointing  the  noble  families  whose  influence  kept  the  kingdom  stable.  “he  gave  them  what  they  wanted.”  his  eyes  lowered  briefly.  “he  gave  them  his  daughter.”  the  words  tasted  bitter.  “for  the  sake  of  the  kingdom.”  he  looked  at  her  again  and  this  time  there  wasn't  a  shred  of  accusation  in  his  expression.  only  sadness.  “you  didn't  have  a  choice.”  he  said  it  so  quietly  it  almost  disappeared  into  the  silence  between  them.  “i  know  you  didn't.”  

for  several  long  seconds,  neither  of  them  spoke.  river  finally  forced  his  feet  forward.  he  stepped  toward  her,  not  because  he  intended  to  stay  but  because  he  needed  to  leave.  he  brushed  past  her  shoulder,  close  enough  to  catch  the  familiar  scent  of  flowers  that  always  seemed  to  follow  her.  it  nearly  undid  him.  he  kept  walking.  one  step.  two.  three.  then  stopped.  his  entire  body  went  still.  he  couldn't  do  it.

slowly…  he  turned  back  around.  when  she  saw  his  face  this  time,  there  was  nothing  left  of  the  composed  commander  everyone  admired.  his  eyes  had  become  glassy.  his  breathing  uneven.  his  expression  openly  broken.  “even  if  we  talked...”  his  voice  came  out  rough,  fraying  at  the  edges.  “what  would  that  change?”  the  question  echoed  through  the  empty  corridor.  his  voice  rose  despite  himself.  months  of  restraint  finally  splintering  apart.  he  struck  the  palm  of  his  hand  against  his  own  chest  once.  then  again.  as  though  he  could  somehow  quiet  the  ache  inside  it.  finally,  his  fingers  curled  into  the  fabric  of  his  uniform,  bunching  it  tightly  over  his  heart.  “i've  loved  you...”  his  voice  cracked.  for  the  first  time  since  they'd  met  as  children.  river  wang  broke.  “i've  loved  you  since  we  were  children.”  tears  spilled  freely  now.  “before  i  knew  what  love  even  was.”  he  laughed  bitterly  through  trembling  breaths.  “i  never  looked  at  anyone  else.”  his  head  shook  slowly.  “i  never  wanted  anyone  else.”  his  eyes  never  left  hers.  “it  was  always  you.”  always.  “despite  every  warning.”  his  voice  grew  quieter.  “despite  everyone  telling  me  where  my  place  was.  despite  hearing  over  and  over  again  that  the  princess  was  forbidden.”  another  tear  slipped  free.  “that  someone  like  me...”  his  fingers  tightened  painfully  against  his  chest.  “a  monster  pretending  to  be  a  knight...”  his  voice  nearly  disappeared.  “could  never  dream  of  standing  beside  someone  like  you.”

the  silence  that  followed  felt  deafening.  for  the  first  time  in  years…  he  had  said  everything.  all  the  words  he'd  buried.  all  the  feelings  he'd  denied.  they  hung  between  them  now  with  nowhere  left  to  hide.  eventually,  he  exhaled.  the  anger  left  him  first.  then  the  desperation.  what  remained  was  exhaustion.  “i  know  this  hurts  you  too.”  his  voice  had  softened  into  something  almost  tender  again.  his  hand  slowly  fell  away  from  his  chest,  releasing  the  wrinkled  fabric  of  his  uniform.  

It's not like he would understand her bringing back the creatures, but magic law dictates that they need to, if they find corruption. Divine beasts were hard to come by lately, and the corruption was why. The tension from earlier was still there; he aggravated her to no end. "Killing is only if the corruption went too far and their soul is black." She felt a little embarrassed not explaining further to River, but they were in such a rush. "You're welcome", she said with a small smile on her lips.

she  was  nothing  like  the  others  he'd  met  before.  she  wasn't  afraid  to  speak  her  mind.  her  brazen  question  only  confirmed  it.  a  quiet  snort  escaped  him.  did  he  really  have  to  explain  it?  he'd  thought  it  was  painfully  obvious.  unless...  she  was  asking  whether  there  had  been  something  more  beneath  all  that  tension.  that,  he  wasn't  so  sure  about  himself.  what  if  it  had  all  been  nothing  more  than  frustration  tangled  together  with  desire?  what  if  the  sparks  between  them  were  born  from  nothing  but  proximity  and  poorly  restrained  impulses?  what  answer  was  she  hoping  to  hear?

river didn't strike her as the type to enjoy reading . perhaps it was because his association with her brother already had her determining what kind of guy river was , that he was a more bad boy type with a rough exterior and sort of cut off from his emotions that she would have to break through , just to have her predisposed assumptions shattered in just the first two days of really getting to know him . river seemed like he had a soft heart and seemed happy to enter a relationship with good intentions .

" i'll read to you one day . if you want . " was that too weird ? sunhee could imagine it already , the pair of them enjoying a simple date together in the park , laid out on a blanket , his head resting in her lap while she read to him a story from one of her books and played with his hair . maybe with his earring -- she was already developing a fascination with the jewelry piece that seemed to draw her attention whenever it moved . " and we can talk more about these monsters you think are real and why . you'll have to point them out to me one day . "

a text with her everst's name popped up on her screen questioning if she'd need a ride home that day after class . it felt rude for her to pull her attention away from river to respond to it , quickly writing back that she'd need to stay later than normal to grade extra and she'd take the bus home , but thanked him for his offer regardless . it took every bit of resistance she had not to blurt out she was already at river's work when he'd just given his approval to his relationship , but shaking hands refrained . then soon enough , her new knight in shining armor appeared in his typical model fashion , a big contrast to the greasy oil stained uniform he'd just had on .

sunhee wasn't ready to go back to her classes yet , but if she stuck around any longer , she would be late , and couldn't afford to miss her professor's lecture considering it was the same professor she worked over . regardless of her bad history with other guys , she refused to be late because of one . " thank you for driving me back -- i really don't mind taking -- " and refuse when he'd already texted his boss and changed ? sunhee caught the whiff of his cologne , surprisingly a bit sweeter than she would have imagined , one that didn't overwhelm her senses with something bitter that most other guys seemed to prefer . she really only offered to seem polite .

it  was  almost  funny.  while  she  talked  about  reading  together,  river  had  the  exact  same  thought  cross  his  mind.  he  could  already  picture  it  so  clearly—-  her  curled  up  beside  him  with  a  book  she'd  been  wanting  to  start  or  one  she  loved  enough  to  read  all  over  again.  he  wouldn't  even  mind  just  listening.  hearing  her  voice  fill  the  quiet  while  she  read  chapter  after  chapter  sounded...  peaceful.  maybe  they'd  make  a  habit  out  of  it.  find  a  park  or  simply  stay  at  his  apartment  with  mugs  of  something  warm  nearby.  read  a  little  every  time  they  met  until  they  reached  the  last  page,  then  start  another  book  all  over  again.  for  someone  who  had  always  struggled  to  sit  still  long  enough  to  finish  a  novel,  somehow  the  idea  didn't  sound  boring  anymore.

his  thoughts  drifted  back  to  the  present  as  the  bike  rolled  through  familiar  streets.  once  again,  he  was  taking  her  back.  and  once  again,  he  found  himself  thinking  that  if  she  ever  asked,  he'd  happily  pick  her  up  after  classes  too.  especially  on  the  days  she  stayed  late.  knowing  she'd  gotten  home  safely  would  always  be  enough  for  him.  there  was  something  else  he'd  noticed,  too.  she  wasn't  nearly  as  stiff  on  the  bike  anymore.  the  first  ride  had  been  all  tense  shoulders  and  hesitant  movements,  her  arms  wrapped  around  him  like  she  expected  the  bike  to  launch  into  the  air  at  any  second.  this  time…  she'd  relaxed.  he  could  feel  it  every  time  they  stopped  at  a  light  or  leaned  into  a  turn.  her  body  rested  more  naturally  against  his  back  now,  no  longer  rigid  with  nervousness.  the  realization  stayed  with  him  the  entire  ride.

by  the  time  they  reached  the  university,  river  slowed  to  a  stop  and  switched  off  the  engine.  after  pulling  off  his  helmet,  he  gave  his  head  a  quick  shake,  leaving  his  dark  hair  even  messier  than  before.  “you  can  see  me  anytime,  sweetheart.”  the  words  came  easily.  maybe  a  little  too  easily.  his  expression  brightened  even  more  when  she  mentioned  the  possibility  of  coming  over  for  a  sleepover.  honestly…  he  liked  that  idea  a  little  too  much.  she  wasn't  wrong,  either.  it  wouldn't  exactly  be  her  first  time  inside  his  apartment.  or  his  bedroom.  that  thought  almost  made  him  laugh  to  himself.

“you  don't  have  classes  on  weekends,  do  you?”  he  tilted  his  head,  already  entertaining  the  idea.  “you  could  stay  the  night.”  after  a  brief  pause,  he  shrugged.  “or  honestly...  you  could  stay  the  whole  weekend.”  his  smile  softened.  “hell,  you  could  stay  the  whole  week  if  you  wanted.”  he  pointed  vaguely  down  the  road.  “my  place  is  a  little  closer  to  your  school  anyway.”  there  wasn't  an  ounce  of  hidden  meaning  behind  the  offer.  he  simply  enjoyed  having  her  around.  sharing  the  same  space  didn't  seem  strange  to  him  at  all.  if  anything,  it  sounded...  nice.  comfortable.  like  waking  up,  making  breakfast  together,  bumping  into  each  other  in  the  kitchen  or  arguing  over  whose  turn  it  was  to  choose  a  movie.  the  thought  settled  warmly  somewhere  deep  in  his  chest  before  he  quietly  pushed  it  aside.  one  step  at  a  time.  he  wasn't  about  to  rush  her.

even with the amusement in his voice, she had to wonder how much of an affect she really had over river and his sanity. that thought lingered a long moment in the back of her mind until river mentioned that a movie would be a great way to pass the time. watching the racer move towards the living space, the petite blonde followed right behind his heels. her own face brightened at his joke, "ha. ha." the flat tone not reflecting how amused she actually was. placing a flat palm against his back, hana pushed at his frame to guide him to the sofa but if she were honest, it was an excuse to just feel his warmth beneath her touch. "you know i'm not scared of horror films. unless you've found a new one that's actually scary?" she snickered before releasing her hand from his back and hana took a plop onto the couch.

she set her beer upon a coaster lazily sitting on the coffee table. the remote was within reach so with a quick grasp, there was a change of mind suddenly. this time, hana would allow river to be in charge of what they picked. "here," holding the remote between the small space on the couch, she gave him a pointed look despite the small smile tugging at the edges of her lips. it was almost permanent around him -- it was hard not to smile or laugh. river certainly was an animated person, much like hana herself. she felt he was one of the only few she'd ever met who could take whatever she had to give. and usually, her given playfulness was retorted or thrown back in her direction which always caused a blooming sense of excitement to fill her bones whenever they were spending time amongst themselves alone.

"big shot, why don't you decide?" hana questioned, eyes widening briefly to try and decipher what he might chose. then again, hana still had much to learn about river and that enticed her to further dance in circles with the male. "since you're so sure of my responses and all, it's only fair." she half-joked, her voice feigned with a seriousness despite her eyes glittering with a shine that spoke of nothing but joy and hana allowed river to see that reflection of her happiness. while she maintained a bubbly persona most days, hana wasn't always as direct or open with new people who orbited her world. however, with river, hana didn't need to worry about concealing all of herself from his grasp. she hadn't shared many deep conversations with the mechanic but his mysteriousness had hana making up scenarios about him when he wasn't around.

settling  onto  the  couch  beside  her,  river  stretched  one  arm  across  the  backrest  behind  them  while  taking  another  drink  from  his  beer.  he  angled  himself  comfortably  toward  her.  “i  never  said  you  were  scared.”  he  looked  entirely  unconvinced.  “i  said  i'd  judge  your  reactions.”  the  corner  of  his  mouth  twitched.  “those  are  two  completely  different  things.”  when  she  suddenly  offered  him  the  remote,  his  eyebrows  lifted.  he  accepted  it  without  hesitation,  lazily  turning  it  over  in  his  hand  as  if  he'd  just  been  handed  the  keys  to  something  important.  “look  at  that.”  his  gaze  flickered  between  the  remote  and  hana.  “you  trust  me  with  the  power.”  there  was  something  almost  ceremonious  about  the  way  he  held  it  up.  “this  is  a  dangerous  amount  of  responsibility.”  

then  came  her  next  jab.  river  looked  at  her  with  exaggerated  disbelief.  “me?”  he  pointed  the  remote  at  himself.  “without  an  option?”  he  clicked  his  tongue  dramatically.  the  bump  of  her  shoulder  against  his  made  him  lean  ever  so  slightly  into  the  contact  instead  of  away  from  it.  subtle  enough  that  it  could've  easily  gone  unnoticed,  though  entirely  intentional  on  his  part.  “you've  got  me  all  figured  out  already,  huh?”  his  eyes  lingered  on  hers  for  a  moment  longer  than  necessary  before  dropping  to  the  television.  “you're  right.”  he  admitted  it  surprisingly  easily.  “i  usually  know  what  i  want.”  another  beat  passed.  “cars.  bikes.  food.”  a  grin  appeared.  then  he  glanced  back  at  her.  you.  the  last  word  didn’t  come  out.

haewon hadn't experienced this relaxed dancing before tonight . their wedding , which had been catered as a media pr event from the announcement of the engagement , had been mostly choreographed , with just enough closeness the cameras could have caught the shared looks between the newlyweds and came across as convincing . each smile she'd given and little words she mouthed at him were all a part of a performance , but this , this was truly an intimate moment for the couple . wind blew from the ocean waves so close . the fires on the top of the tiki's had uneven flames and often flickered ; the worn floor from years of salt water damage and clumsy dancing still had sand caked between the boards , and despite the quietness , it was more personal than their wedding .

other than river's quiet admittance of dancing , she didn't respond . haewon had tilted herself forward where they were close and could peek at him with a soft smile , though as the pace shifted to a slower sway , she let herself do that thing again she'd done a few times in the last day ; she tested another boundary . her head moved to rest on his shoulder , their movements so gentle it it wasn't uncomfortable for her to rest like that . she knew a night like this was temporary , and rather than use the time to speak , she let that silence continue until the music stopped . her applause was light , and happily allowed herself to be escorted back to their table .

" if i knew how to drive , i'd be happy to take the car . i'm fine taking the cab , " she joked as she scanned the wine menu , settling for a more expensive bottle towards the bottom that would have had anyone else's eyebrows raise . hardly something either one of them had to consider as she opted to enjoy a nice drink with her husband on their final night together before returning back to their new home . back to the silence , the pretending , and having to look happy at all times ; if anyone saw the facade start to drop , it would be ripped apart online . their reputation couldn't risk the slightest hit .

his question only proved that . haewon pondered his question , wondering what sort of answer he was hoping for , his sincerity showing in the tone and the silence after he spoke , and suddenly she wondered if she might have pushed that boundary too far .

" i thought our honeymoon would be another pr stunt like our wedding was and prepared myself for a week posing for the cameras . a full security detail in the plane with us ? i expected media to be in the airport waiting , " she admitted with a small shrug of her shoulders . haewon glanced down at the table between them and the way his arms rested on the table , resisting the urge to rest her own closer to him , maybe let her fingers touch his as an assurance that the week had been something special to her . " i was worried at first , but i had so much fun this past week i don't remember why i was so scared in the first place . for as withdrawn as you were in the beginning , i'm a little more assured when we return home , that we can continue being as open with each other as we've been here . "

a  small  smile  settled  naturally  across  his  features  as  she  spoke,  softer  than  the  reserved  expressions  he  usually  wore.  his  posture  had  long  since  relaxed,  both  forearms  resting  comfortably  on  the  table  as  he  gave  her  his  full  attention.  he  wasn't  merely  listening  to  reply—-  he  genuinely  wanted  to  hear  what  she  thought,  every  honest  word  she  was  willing  to  share  with  him.  a  gentle  breeze  drifted  in  from  the  ocean,  stirring  the  warm  evening  air  between  them.  it  caught  a  few  loose  strands  of  her  hair,  sending  them  dancing  across  her  face  before  they  settled  only  to  be  lifted  again  a  moment  later.  without  thinking,  his  fingers  twitched  ever  so  slightly.  he  wanted  to  reach  across  the  table.  to  tuck  those  stubborn  strands  neatly  behind  her  ear.  the  impulse  came  so  naturally  that  it  almost  surprised  him  but  he  stopped  himself.  not  because  he  didn't  want  to  but  because  he  didn't  want  to  interrupt  her.  right  now,  hearing  her  thoughts  mattered  far  more  than  satisfying  that  quiet  urge.  instead,  he  simply  watched.

“i  was  told  the  security  detail  enjoyed  their  stay  here,”  he  said  with  a  faint  chuckle.  “i  think  they  accidentally  ended  up  having  their  own  vacation.”  the  image  amused  him  more  than  he  expected.  they  had  probably  anticipated  a  stressful  assignment—-  following  around  two  newlyweds,  remaining  alert,  always  on  standby. 

when  she  admitted  she  had  been  scared  in  the  beginning,  however,  his  expression  shifted  almost  immediately.  “you  were  scared?”  his  eyebrows  rose,  genuine  surprise  crossing  his  face.  for  a  brief  second,  his  mind  wandered.  had  she  been  scared  of  him?  of  the  distant  man  she  had  married?  of  the  reputation  surrounding  him?  of  the  stories  people  told?  or  simply  because  she  had  been  thrown  into  a  marriage  with  someone  who  barely  spoke?  the  thought  lingered  longer  than  he  expected.  

he  let  a  brief  silence  settle  before  speaking  again.  “when  we  return…”  his  words  trailed  off  as  he  searched  carefully  for  the  right  way  to  phrase  what  he  was  thinking.  his  gaze  never  left  hers.  “the  madness  will  come  back.”  he  gave  a  quiet  smile  that  held  more  understanding  than  amusement.  “we'll  both  have  schedules  again.  interviews.  appearances.  events.  sometimes  together,  sometimes  separately.”  that  part  couldn't  be  avoided.  it  came  with  who  they  were.  with  the  lives  they  lived.  with  the  expectations  placed  upon  them.  “but…”  he  continued  after  a  brief  pause,  “i  think  we  can  definitely  keep  what  we've  achieved  here.”  he  meant  every  word.  they  weren't  strangers  anymore.  not  really.  not  after  everything  they  had  shared  over  the  past  week.  the  awkward  silences  had  become  comfortable  ones.  the  accidental  touches  had  become  welcomed  instead  of  avoided.  they  had  cried  together.  laughed  together.  fallen  asleep  beside  each  other.  held  each  other.  slowly,  almost  without  realizing  it,  they  had  begun  building  something  neither  of  them  had  expected.

his  smile  returned  fully  when  she  admitted  she  had  enjoyed  the  vacation  he  had  planned.  that  alone  felt  strangely  rewarding.  he  had  spent  a  long  time  making  sure  this  honeymoon  wouldn't  become  another  carefully  orchestrated  publicity  stunt.  there  would  be  plenty  of  opportunities  for  photographs,  public  appearances  and  carefully  curated  moments  once  they  returned  home.  this  week  had  never  been  about  that.  it  had  been  about  disappearing.  about  breathing.  about  existing  somewhere  nobody  expected  anything  from  them.  privacy.  something  he  had  come  to  value  perhaps  more  than  anyone  realized. 

when  she  mentioned  how  awkward  those  first  nights  had  been  sharing  the  same  bed,  he  couldn't  help  letting  out  a  soft  snort  of  amusement.  it  really  had  been  ridiculous.  back  then,  every  inch  of  distance  had  mattered.  every  accidental  brush  of  their  hands  had  been  enough  to  make  both  of  them  stiffen.  now…  he  found  himself  unable  to  imagine  asking  her  to  sleep  somewhere  else.  when  they  returned  home,  the  guest  room  she  had  been  using  before  the  wedding  would  most  likely  already  be  cleaned  out.  her  belongings  would  probably  have  been  moved  into  his  bedroom  by  the  maids.  another  small  step  forward.  a  seemingly  insignificant  change.  and  yet  it  represented  something  much  larger.  he  realized,  almost  unconsciously,  that  he  wanted  to  keep  building  whatever  had  quietly  begun  growing  between  them  this  week.  he  wanted  it  to  continue.  “this  won't  be  the  first  and  last  time  we'll  have  time  off  like  this,”  he  said  quietly.  his  voice  carried  certainty.  not  empty  reassurance.  a  promise.  “i  promise.”

when  she  reached  across  the  table  and  rested  her  hand  over  his,  giving  it  a  gentle  squeeze,  his  eyes  instinctively  dropped  toward  their  joined  hands.  he  remained  still.  simply  looking.  there  was  something  incredibly  sincere  about  her.  something  impossible  to  fake.  river  had  always  believed  he  was  fairly  good  at  reading  people  and  every  instinct  he  had  told  him  the  same  thing.  she  wasn't  pretending.  she  wasn't  acting.  she  meant  every  word  she  said.  he  wanted  her  to  trust  him.  more  than  that…  he  wanted  her  to  feel  safe  enough  to  depend  on  him.  that  responsibility  had  been  given  to  him  the  day  they  married.  whether  the  marriage  had  begun  unexpectedly  or  not  didn't  matter  anymore.  she  was  his  wife  and  he  intended  to  take  care  of  her.  he  knew  he  still  had  a  long  way  to  go.  he  wasn't  perfect.  he  still  struggled  to  express  himself.  still  hesitated.  still  carried  scars  from  a  past  he  hadn't  entirely  let  go  of  but  he  wanted  to  become  someone  worthy  of  standing  beside  her.

then  she  spoke  again.  the  final  sentence  hit  him  harder  than  he  expected.  she  was  happy  to  be  his  wife.  it  felt  like  something  struck  directly  against  his  chest.  not  painfully.  quite  the  opposite.  it  was  warm.  overwhelming.  the  kind  of  feeling  he  hadn't  experienced  in  a  very  long  time.  for  a  brief  second,  he  simply  stared  at  her.  she  had  no  idea  what  those  words  meant  to  him.  how  much  they  healed  without  even  trying.  he  smiled.  genuinely.  “that  means  a  lot.”  his  voice  had  softened  noticeably.  “it  truly  does.”  his  thumb  shifted  slightly  beneath  hers  almost  absentmindedly.  “i'm  glad  that  it  was  you  because...”  he  stopped.  his  gaze  drifted  away  for  only  a  moment.  the  words  sat  heavily  on  his  tongue.  because  it  could  have  been  someone  else.  someone  like  the  woman  he  had  married  the  first  time.  someone  who  had  left  behind  nothing  but  betrayal  and  heartbreak.  sometimes  it  still  amazed  him  how  quickly  his  life  had  once  fallen  apart.  how  completely  everything  had  unraveled  and  now…  it  somehow  felt  like  those  scattered  pieces  were  finally  beginning  to  settle  into  place  again.  

he  looked  back  at  her.  “i  know  you  have  no  ill  intentions.”  there  wasn't  the  slightest  doubt  in  his  voice.  “you  can  trust  me  with  anything.”  his  eyes  held  hers  steadily.  “my  intentions  are  good  too.”  a  faint  smile  tugged  gently  at  his  lips.  “even  if  i  appear  cold  and  distant  sometimes.”  before  either  of  them  could  continue,  their  waitress  arrived  carrying  their  order.  the  glasses  of  wine  were  placed  down  first,  followed  shortly  by  their  dinner.  “thank  you,”  river  said  politely  with  a  small  nod.

he  had  barely  turned  his  attention  back  toward  haewon  when  another  familiar  voice  interrupted  them.  the  hostess  approached  their  table  carrying  several  small  photographs.  she  wore  the  same  cheerful  smile  as  before.  “one  of  my  favorite  couples  of  the  week!”  she  beamed  warmly.  “i've  taken  some  polaroids  of  you  while  you  were  too  busy  talking.  i  hope  you  don't  mind.”  she  laughed  softly  before  placing  them  carefully  onto  the  table.  “a  little  gift  to  remember  us  by.”  river  blinked  in  surprise  before  instinctively  leaning  closer.  his  curiosity  immediately  won.