make it so sweet.

when   kai   spoke confessing   their   lack   of   regret   with   that   stubborn,    unfiltered   conviction   that   had   always   defined   them seungmin's   jaw   tightened.   he   let   out   a   breath   through   his   nose,   a   slow,   ragged   exhale   that   ruffled   the   dark   fringe   beneath   his   chin.

❛ you   never   change,    do   you ? ❜    seungmin   murmured,   his   voice   dropping   into   a   register   so   low   it   was   almost   a   vibration   against   kai's   cheek.   ❛ still   loud.   still   terrifyingly   reckless.   you   say   you   don’t   care   if   you're   called   selfish,   but   you   aren't   the   one   who   has   to   rewrite   the   script   when   you   pull   stunts   like   this. ❜

he   wanted   to   push   kai   away.   truly,    the   logical,   hyper-vigilant   part   of   his   brain the   part   that   counted   calories,    memorized   camera   angles,    and   smiled   flawlessly   on   cue   while   his   soul   felt   hollow was   screaming   at   him   to   get   up,    fix   his   collar,   and   walk   out   the   door   before   the   GPS   on   his   phone   triggered   a   red   flag   at   his   agency's   headquarters.   but   his   hand,    still   tangled   in   kai's   hair,    refused   to   cooperate.   his   fingers   curled   slightly   tighter   against   the   nape   of   kai's   neck,   anchoring   him   there,    trapping   them   both   in   this   stolen,   fleeting   bubble.

the   mention   of   the   low-key   sushi   joint   made   seungmin's   chest   ache   with   a   sudden,    violent   spasm   of   nostalgia.   it   was   the   same   tucked-away   place   they   used   to   sneak   off   to   when   they   were   exhausted   trainees,    splitting   a   single   plate   of   cheap   rolls   with   pocket   change   they'd   scraped   from   the   bottom   of   their   bags.   back   then,    the   world   was   small,    and   their   dreams   were   massive.   now,   the   world   was   suffocatingly   large,   and   their   dreams   felt   like   gilded   cages.

❛ a   dark   alleyway   in   seoul, ❜    seungmin   said,   a   faint,   bitter   trace   of   amusement   coloring   his   tone,   though   his   eyes   remained   fixed   on   the   dim   ceiling.   ❛ you   think   a   dark   alley   keeps   out   the   dispatch   reporters ?    you   think   my   manager   won't   notice   if   i   disappear   into   a   blind   spot   for   two   hours ?    they   watch   me   like   a   hawk,   kai.   especially   when   your   group   is   making   a   comeback.   they   look   for   any   excuse,    any   slip-up,   to   spin   a   narrative   that   keeps   us   at   each   other's   throats   for   the   engagement. ❜

he   shifted   slightly,   the   movement   bringing   them   close   enough   that   he   could   feel   the   heat   radiating   off   kai's   body.   the   contrast   between   kai's   hot,   impulsive   nature   and   his   own   calculated,   cold   public   persona the   ice   prince   the   media   loved   to   dissect had   never   felt   sharper.

❛ but   god   help   me, ❜    seungmin   whispered,   the   admission   tearing   out   of   his   throat   like   a   confession   under   duress.   ❛ i   hate   that   i'm   actually   considering   it.   i   hate   that   you   can   just   look   up   at   me,   broken   and   bleeding   through   your   bandages,   and   make   me   forget   that   we   are   supposed   to   be   enemies   on   prime-time   television   next   thursday. ❜

he   lowered   his   gaze,   finally   looking   down   at   kai's   face,   catching   the   slight   shake   in   the   other   man's   breath.   the   bravado   kai   usually   wore   like   a   second   skin   on   stage   was   completely   stripped   away,   leaving   behind   the   boy   seungmin   had   loved   before   the   logos   on   their   jackets   changed.

❛ you   say   you'd   do   anything   for   me   now.   that   you're   older,   that   your   determination   is   stronger, ❜    seungmin   said,   his   thumb   gently   smoothing   over   the   skin   just   above   kai's   cheekbone,    catching   a   stray   tear   before   it   could   drop.   ❛ i   want   to   believe   that.   i   really   do.   but   determination   doesn't   stop   a   CEO   from   terminating   a   contract,   and   it   doesn't   stop   the   fans   from   tearing   us   apart   if   they   find   out   the   'bitter   rivalry'   is   a   lie. ❜

he   glanced   at   the   digital   clock   glowing   faintly   on   the   nightstand.   the   numbers   were   ticking   down   mercilessly.   thirty-five   minutes   left.   then   the   illusion   would   shatter,    the   managers   would   call,   and   the   masks   would   have   to   go   back   on.

seungmin   slid   his   hand   down   from   kai's   hair,   his   palm   resting   flat   against   the   small   of   kai's   back,    pressing   them   firmly   against   his   chest   one   last   time.   it   was   a   silent,   desperate   compromise.

peeking up at him, the stroke to his cheekbone was a precious heat that he'd never forgotten. it was one that had remained within his cloudy heart, within his broken eyes. kai never relented on how he felt for seungmin, despite the cold face he'd worn towards him whenever they had a chance encounter. it was really kai playing it up for the media and also being aware that neither of their CEOs would allow them to speak, much less be openly about the city as a pair.

"at this point," kai muttered, his voice still low in volume, almost in defeat despite a small thread he was hanging by, "i'd rather lose my contract than lose you, min." for once, he was being open hearted and honest because being at the top hadn't meant it felt like he expected it to.

where he once saw ambition and dreams, a love and passion for rapping and singing, dancing, and practing to become the very idol he had always dreamed of becoming, now sat a hollowed man and a heavy heart. it was why he caused so much chaos and erupted so quickly on people. he never thought about the consequences either, damn it. why should he? why should kai mold himself to the machines the industry expected of each idol on their rosters. it wasn't just their two units. it was the entire industry at its core, churning out groups and music for profit, regardless of the bearing it had on the idols and their bodies or mental states.

sure, kai would be reprimanded but he still never allowed it to stop him from being himself. even if that meant a rage moment in the locker room, a pummeling fist fight in public with a rowdy anti, a shit talker about their competition, he would just jump at each opportunity impulsively. the ceo always threatened but never went through, whether kai thought that was a good thing or not hadn't seemed to click yet in his head.

while being planted against seungmin's chest firmly, kai soaked in his touch and his scent, hoping for a moment where time could standstill and leave them where they lie currently. snaking an arm around his abdomen, kai clutched onto seugmin's side a long moment, showing that he also felt the same ache, the same desire to not let go just yet. it was a hunger that could never be satiated since seungmin's departure. he'd tried, multiple times. had random encounters, even hooked up with a fan or two after a show. no matter how attractive or needy kai was in those moments, the other men held no candle to seungmin.

perhaps that was because he still loved him, even if his lips refuted that truth if ever asked. he felt fragile from the top, more so than he ever had as a trainee. it was weird, the world was meant to be at his hands and he felt empty handed all the same. longing stares out his window into a city he once knew as home but now felt foreign, no matter how many times they returned after touring or traveling across the globe.

nodding his head in understanding, kai recalled the number efficiently by heart. it was one he hadn't dialed in such a long time but it burned in his memory so vividly, it had never left. it was like a permanent imprint upon his brain. offering the other male a soft grin as his lips curved upwards minimally, his gentle touch somehow brought kai back to those years where things felt carefree.

the   sudden,   overwhelming   proximity   of   seungwoo   was   like   walking   headfirst   into   a   wall   of   solid   heat.   bogum's   breath   caught   sharply   in   his   throat,   the   sound   swallowed   entirely   by   the   humid,   steam-laden   air   drifting   out   from   the   bathroom.   his   back   hit   the   drywall   with   a   soft,    muted   thud,   his   heels   pressing   against   the   baseboard   as   he   instinctively   tried   to   find   some   semblance   of   space   that   simply   did   not   exist.   seungwoo   was   everywhere a   towering,    fragrant   presence   of   cedarwood   soap,   clean   sweat,   and   the   damp,    heavy   warmth   of   a   freshly   stepped-out-of   shower.

bogum's   eyes,    wide   and   dilated   with   immediate   panic,   darted   frantically   across   seungwoo's   face.   he   felt   trapped,   cornered   by   the   sheer,    unapologetic   confidence   radiating   off   the   older   man.   the   sight   of   seungwoo   standing   there,   clad   only   in   a   low-slung   white   towel   that   gripped   their   hips,   was   a   sensory   overload   that   Bogum’s   already   exhausted   brain   could   barely   process.   drops   of   water   trailed   lazy   paths   down   the   defined   planes   of   seungwoo's   chest   and   abdomen,   drawing   bogum's   gaze   downward   before   he   forcefully   yanked   his   eyes   back   up,   his   face   burning   a   furious,   uncontrollable   crimson.   he   was   acutely   aware   of   how   flushed   he   must   look,   the   heat   blooming   from   his   neck   all   the   way   to   the   tips   of   his   ears.

when   seungwoo's   voice   dropped   into   that   low,   vibrating   hum,    bogum   felt   the   vibration   rattle   right   through   his   own   ribs. look   at   how   convenient   that   happened   to   be,   hm ?

bogum   tried   to   swallow,    but   his   throat   was   completely   dry.   he   wanted   to   speak,    to   offer   up   some   sort   of   witty   retort   or   even   just   a   breathless   request   for   his   hyung   to   step   back,    but   his   vocal   cords   seemed   to   have   short-circuited.   every   defense   mechanism   he   possessed   crumbled   the   moment   seungwoo's   index   finger   made   contact   with   his   jawline.   the   touch   was   agonizingly,   deliberately   slow,    dragging   a   path   of   fire   across   his   sensitive   skin.   bogum's   eyes   fluttered   shut   for   a   fraction   of   a   second,   a   silent   betrayal   of   how   deeply   the   gesture   affected   him,    before   snapping   open   again   to   meet   seungwoo's   narrowed,    dark   hues.

hearing   that   the   rest   of   the   unit   was   gone   for   the   night   only   made   bogum's   heart   hammer   a   frantic,    chaotic   rhythm   against   his   ribs.   it   felt   so   loud   in   the   quiet   vacuum   of   the   hallway   that   he   was   certain   seungwoo   could   hear   it.   and   then,   as   if   to   prove   he   could,   seungwoo's   palm   flattened   against   his   chest.

bogum   let   out   a   soft,    helpless   gasp,   his   hands   instinctively   coming   up   to   weakly   grasp   at   seungwoo's   wrists,    though   he   lacked   the   actual   resolve   to   push   them   away.   his   fingers   curled   loosely   around   the   older   male's   damp   skin,    trembling   slightly.   the   heat   of   seungwoo's   palm   seeped   right   through   the   thin   fabric   of   his   oversized   t-shirt,    pinning   him   in   place.   he   felt   utterly   exposed,   his   deepest,    most   carefully   guarded   secret   being   peeled   back   layer   by   layer   under   seungwoo's   perceptive   gaze.   he   had   harbored   this   massive,   agonizing   crush   on   his   hyung   for   months,    watching   them   from   the   wings   of   music   shows,   tracing   the   line   of   their   shoulders   during   dance   practices,   and   silently   pining   from   across   the   dorm   living   room.   to   have   that   quiet   infatuation   dragged   into   the   light   so   mercilessly   left   him   feeling   entirely   naked.

when   seungwoo's   fingers   slithered   up   his   neck   and   tangled   into   the   hair   at   his   nape,   a   shiver   shot   straight   down   bogum's   spine.   the   firm,    tightening   grip   tilted   his   face   upward,   forcing   him   to   bear   the   vulnerable   line   of   his   throat   to   the   damp   air.   he   was   completely   at   seungwoo's   mercy   now,    his   breath   coming   in   shallow,    ragged   puffs   that   mingled   with   the   older   idol's   exhales.

i   know   the   way   you   look   at   me   on   stage   and   i've   also   seen   it   off   stage.

the   words   hit   bogum   like   a   physical   blow,   making   his   eyelids   flutter   as   a   fresh   wave   of   mortification   washed   over   him.   he   wanted   the   floor   to   open   up   and   swallow   him   whole.   his   lower   lip   trembled   slightly   as   seungwoo   closed   the   remaining   distance,    their   bodies   nearly   flushing   together,   sealing   bogum   against   the   wall.

it was cute, really. seungwoo couldn't deny that bogum being so flustered and burning red amused him. yet on another level, this enticed seungwoo to continue his games, to continue to play into the other male's shyness. "what do you mean i'm imagining things?" a scoff mixed with a briefly lived laugh escaped his throat thickly, steam still swirling from the bathroom into the small space. "you think you can fool me?" both his eyes widened and a snicker was given, "i can read you like an open book, bogum." his words a finality. it wasn't difficult to feel the other man's eyes boring into his back while he was on stage without bogum.

or, how he'd catch glimpses in the practicing room where the unit worked hard on choreography most days. seungwoo caught bogum's eyes at least a handful of times staring right back at him through that practice mirror. removing his hand from bogum's chest, he could see how much he was causing the other idol to squirm and it caused his chest to swell with a sense of pride. seungwoo loved nothing more than to bending someone to his will while they held the losing cards typically.

the other palm on the wall also relented, a wet handprint left behind as he took a small inch backwards from his fellow unit member. "you squirm a lot when under pressure, don't you?" the droplets hanging to his bangs slid down his face and dripped into the nothingness below. "if you aren't watching me on stage, you're watching me in the practice room. you're watching me in the dorm area, passing glances, bogum." this time, his voice was a little more serious, less of a teasing thread beneath it.

"why not just admit that to yourself? it'll make your whole life a lot easier if ya did." smiling wider, he clapped a palm to bogum's shoulder, patting him a few times. "there's nothing to be ashamed of. every member in our unit is pretty attractive, are they not?" seungwoo reasoned, knowing their fanbase was one of the largest these days. "the fans probably even see it."

granting him more space, seungwoo didn't want to completely smother him and ruin his chances. it didn't mean that seungwoo wouldn't continue to tug at his strings, watch his errors in the mirror with their eyes meeting. it also didn't mean that seungwoo would give up the fleeting flirtatious looks in bogum's direction, nor would he change the faint touches here and there in passing.

seungwoo's own heart was beginning to beat a bit harder, drinking in that crimson flush seemed so precious to seungwoo. it was like he'd achieved the very thing he set out to do the moment they nearly collided into each other. "go ahead, bogum. you can be on your way now." one more step backwards, there was plenty of room for the other male to take the opportunity to make his exit.

standing there, awaiting him to move, his head canted back a bit as dark orbs examined bogum's body language. he couldn't make it out clearly enough at the moment, uncertain what his next move was. "well? i'm giving you the exit you seem to need." extending an arm towards the open restroom door, he nudged his head in that direction. "i'm done with it."

and like that, seungwoo turned on his heel and began to pad away, wondering if bogum was still paralyzed against the wall, head spinning and whirling with all sorts of flustering ideas. that's all seungwoo really needed to plant in his mind: ideas, maybe give him some type of a way to either go after what he wanted or to go on his own way. seungwoo wouldn't be happy if bogum stopped becoming adorably shy around him, but he knew the other idol would be just as shy around his other hyungs.

even the breakup, in a way, had felt like that. a wound that was gaping, yes, but the real truth was that it had been like holding her breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. people were selfish. that sentiment was a HARD ONE to shake, especially like this, feeling something twist, awful, within her chest at the thought of it. wait. did that mean that was coming, oh, so soon, with haneul too? it's not the first time that she was left wondering, had she, what had happened, and... what would she do, if she lost that too? it's a fear that embeds itself into her spine, and oh, could she blame her for the feeling of it? after all, she's only so freshly been scarred over here. perhaps worse, she knew it all too well. thus the restraint, the care, the caution, marked within every interaction between them outside of the walls of her bedroom.

but ohhhh, how sweet was she in the morning? piling on, a perfect sweetness, she wants to press at her cheeks and tease her endlessly and make her cry, again, the way she had last night because she's so cute she could eat her right up. but alas! playing the wolf had never been her fairytale, and perhaps she was learning that right now, perhaps happiness was shaped a little bit DIFFERENTLY than she had thought it would be. that maybe, perhaps, not everything about love and sex were meant to be bled into the idea of reckless and short lived. and that maybe, oh, maybe she could find that this was what she had always been looking for, all along. "because i'm warm!?" alice, feigning offsense, rolled her eyes, laughing as she leaned in to pepper kisses there against the other's cheek, her neck, that pause.

"what do you want me to say? i never claimed to be CONSISTENT~" now wasn't that the truth? alice, who was chasing after whims and joy at every single turn! don't blame her, blame her story, her drive, her muchness that fed a desire for more and more and- would she begrudge that of her? the things that made her a fun friend could sometimes make her a crummy girlfriend, and who wouldn't be affected by that? she's letting her wind and twist and ply her with sugar sweet words, ready to rot her teeth on it, who could blame her? let her have it, let her indulge! "only kind of?" fanning herself, her scoffing, laughing, giggling self already falling back there against the bed. "enough! fine, fine~"

alice was good, rocking up onto her two feet, however unsteady, looking at her from over her shoulder with a grin, scooping up her clothes off of the floor. dropping most into a laundry bag, how she pulled a shirt over her head from her closet and wondered off towards the kitchen, calling out, sing-song high. "you can be in charge of COFFEE!" as if alice wasn't honestly working within a cafe half of the time, making pretty things of art, sculpting it whole! hadn't she filmed the last time she'd helped to put together a pretty drink for haneul, plied high with her favourite flavours, without making it too sweet? on the way, she's pausing to brush her teeth, to brush her hair ; oh, the sleep washed right out of her eyes...

catching her there, staring at moments. her own smile pulling upwards. "what?" that nudge as she passed, grinning, before she's at the front of her fridge, she's figuring it out. "pancakes?" puzzling, aloud. "hmmm... eggs...? protein is always good, but..." they're girls, meaning there was truly no greater joy than a no protein meal, but that was something that they could only really admit to ONE ANOTHER, pausing to pull out two mugs, clearing room for the other girl to find the supplies she'd need to make just about any drink ( especially considering the samples and leftovers that often wandered home with her! ). "tell me you have a craving and don't tell me it's me, because i already know~"

admiring her from where she laid, “maybe a bit more than kind of.” a freshly pressed and smug smirk claimed her features, her just hinting that she had loved being intertwined with the other woman and was unashamed by her neediness for more. as alice stood tall and wandered moved around the room, haneul heaved out a heavy breath. forcing herself out of the bed, she grasped a random shirt from alice’s closet and slid it over her frame.

“pfffft, give me your job?!” the blonde teased back as she collected and folded her own clothes, dropping the neat pile on the bed for later when she had to return home for more work duties and hajoon. finding a loose hair tie of the other woman’s on the bedside table, fingers ran through her hair before she hoisted it up into a ponytail. she could catch a glimpse here and there of alice, though her eyes were lingering much more than usual.

being caught and nudged, that smile blossoming on her face was infectious but haneul couldn’t mirror it for embarrassment of alice noticing. “nothing,” she tried, eyes hastily dropping to the floor with a shyness. “i just thought about how you look so pretty in the morning.” it was comforting to see her friend in a good mood and maybe in that way, in that moment, it caused haneul to feel less guilty for the times she did stay the night. “i always think you do,” the additional statement genuine and gentle.

padding out to follow alice, haneul’s eyes ran along the drawers and cabinets. one at a time, she grasped a filter for the machine, analyzed different packages of coffee before promptly picking a dark roasted choice and haneul sat the items onto the countertop. the ending of alice’s words caused her to snicker quietly. breathing in a large breath, the blonde knew alice wanted an answer but truthfully, she’d had been fine eating just anything alice whipped up. “do you have enough fresh fruit to make some waffles? i think strawberry and blueberries would be delicious.” eyes shining with a nod given.

... HOW PATHETIC.

but maybe she could be, just a little bit pathetic. she didn't mind it right now when she was feeling the puppy dog highs of affection when clinging onto the other girl's side, beaming, nudging, teasing, PROVOKING. the difference sits in how they provoke and tease now versus before this mess, the breakup, the handful of months, since, still a blur and her needing that softened edge to her nights that she brought... ah... she slammed the door shut with a laugh, dragging her back into her bed, arms wound around her neck.

the thing was, she didn't remember much of the aftermath, the heavy breathing, the sticky skin. instead she'd fallen asleep so soundly, left blinking back at the sun when awareness prickled at her until she woke. she could feel her pressed into her skin, melting against it as the sheets sat, cool, on top of them. it made it all feel SO COMFORTABLE that when she could hear the other girl whispering her to wakefulness, she's groaning, head shaking in protest. no, no, no! just another 5 minutes, please! she's begging her, groaning as she nuzzled in against an arm. wondering if she should feel worse for the fact that she was, apparently, more obviously exhausted by life.

but was this a monster of her own making? she's never good at this ; at turning something that's been friendship, into something more. she's always just slid right in, without building anything at all, too direct, too willing, her CHARM, more often than not, able to carry her through most any situation. which was why this was perhaps uncharted territory. how did she feel about it? it's like all the same good things from their girly little sleepovers from before, just... more... and oh, the whole thing has her heart feeling awfully confused...

"i knowwwww..." her voice dragging, sleepily, finally managing to rouse herself from bed, looking over her shoulder at her with a grin. "you're the small one, why are you spooning me?" turning, she's brushing back her hair, laughing, pausing to cover her mouth, narrowing her eyes. "... i'm going to the bathroom to brush my teeth! then it's over for you... should i make breakfast? an APOLOGY for us missing out on all of the snacks we were supposed to originally eat~?"

alice was shifting to face her, a low hum peacefully escaped the walls of her chest. “because you were warm..” it was a half-truth, cheeks dusting into a rosy color the moment she was face-to-face with alice. searching her eyes, should haneul tell her the other half of the truth? should she crack and be just as honest as the other woman had always expected her to be? it was a difficult line to walk, balancing the weight of her compassion and interest in alice and her willingness to see her happy again versus spilling every word locked in her heart that she felt towards her.

it wasn’t a foreign feeling any longer, it was solidified to her soul, a space already dug out of her heart just for the peculiar, gorgeous woman herself. haneul allowed it, even knowing perhaps it wouldn’t last. much like alice stated the prior night, things were fun together in bed, even if it left them both in a confused spiral of sorts on what to make of it. it was easy to fall into her pull, as if alice were magnetic and haneul was unable to orbit her any longer but rather, was already glued to her side even more than she’d used to be.

haneul giggled further when her hair was swept back, eyes crinkling with enjoyment, heart already fiercely ticking within the blonde’s ribs while she exhaled. “..and,” a beat skipped between them, “maybe because… i wanted to.” the sound of her voice revealing shy notes, cheeks burning even hotter. with alice facing her, haneul’s arm that laid behind her mingled with the end of her long locks. even with the narrowed eyes, the covered mouth and the playfully engaging threat, she was rendered into a blissful state of mind — in which, they were just being themselves. she wasn’t obsessing over the complex feelings or the fact they were so sucked into a cycle she wasn’t willing to halt just yet.

“first, she threatens me. then, she offers me breakfast. hm,” haneul pretended to mull over the thoughts heavily until her features melted back into a playful nature, brows soft and eyes beaming. biting gently onto the corner of her lower lip, she moved in just to brush her nose against the other’s sweetly. “i think she’s got to be a bit crazy for that,” emphasizing the word deliberately, pushing alice’s buttons just little a bit while a flirtatious glint crossed her face. it was as clear as day in her eyes, “she’s lucky that i kind of think she’s cute.” digits wound around her hair until haneul let her fingers slide freely through the strands and relented her hold on them, arm dropping with a flop to the mattress.

haneul was feeling as if she were already floating and they had only just woken up. “don’t you worry. i’ll be prepared for the torture. i can take it.” haneul taunted back while shifting her own weight against the plush mattress. stretching her arms high above her head with a pleasant sigh, she forced herself to sit upright. “you don’t have to do all the work you know, or apologize. i’d be happy to help!” then came her trademark bubbly smile, cheeks pulled tightly and eyes alight with eagerness.

₊˚⊹ ㅤa collection of character analysis/headcanon questions to learn more about your character and your partners'! writing/headcanon prompts requested by anonymous. feel free to edit these as you see fit.