the small brain chronicles

I hate it when I see someone's followed me and I'm like 'ooo I wonder if I know them!' and then I click the profile and AHH jump scare! Nobody has clothes on! Please, you beautiful people, have a door I can knock on? So that I can knock and you can say you're changing and I can come back later. Obviously this was a bad time. I've caught you off guard. We can talk when you're wearing a comfy sweat set or something

One time my friend got me a lovely gift and as soon as I touched it, it broke and I quickly had to hide the fact it broke because I didn't want them to feel bad, because it was a thoughtful gift and they're one of my best friends, but thankfully I'm an artist and crafter so I had plenty of great glue options to fix it and now it's super strong because I used INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH glue and I'm never in my life going to tell them this happened because what does it matter now that it's made with INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH? Anyway just sharing the biggest moment of pure panic I've ever felt

So I'm really upset, as a woman, from the slander I've recently been seeing online against women. People have been saying really hurtful and blatant lies and I feel the need to come here to correct them. They've been saying that- that women don't naturally have glittery eyelids. I know. It's terrible. The slander is unreal. But we have to get the truth out there. Only *real* women have naturally glittery eyelids. If you see someone and they don't have naturally glittery eyelids, that's not a woman, that's a body snatcher. You have to throw lavender at them so that the body snatchers leave and the women return to their bodies and their naturally glittery eyelids return. Please spread awareness about this 🙏 we have to save the women from the body snatchers!

OH MY GOSH WAIT WHO WAS GONNA TELL ME GETTING BONUS MONEY MAKE ME WANT TO DO A BETTER JOB?? Like I always try to make sure things are done well, but sometimes if I'm tired I'm like, ehh it's acceptable. Some rich lady gave me a tip before I'd even done my shift and dude, I'm like 'what do you need? I'll get you anything you want queen!'

Ok, yeah, sure, the metric system makes more sense than freedom units and yeah, it's ridiculous trying to memorize how many yards are in a mile, BUT I WILL NOT TURN MY BACK ON GALLON MAN! Really that's the reason we keep freedom units. Not because we think it's better than the metric system, but it's because we are attached to Gallon Man and we don't want to betray him. Gallon Man is the real MVP, for real.

Ok but like if you listen to anyone talking about gas prices, you very quickly realize they are gamblers. They'd be like 'oh my gosh, gas is $3.88, better fill up the tank!' and then they'll be really upset because a day later it'll be at $3.80 and they'll be all mad at themselves. And other times they'll be like '$4.19?! Gotta fill up to the bare minimum!' and they get back home and it's $4.40 and they're mad they didn't fill up more at the first place they stopped at. Like people are price checking different gas stations to see what the best price is and guess what price is the best and when they guess right they are so hyped and when they guess wrong they're so upset and like... I think that's basically just gambling

If Kirby has taught me anything, it's that you need to kiss your homies. Mouth to mouth kisses save lives 🩷

Animal Crossing Wild World is so funny because I'll get a letter from my mom (which is one of my favorite things because let me tell you, she's unhinged) and it'll be the best thing I've ever read. Genuinely just got a letter from my mom with a present attached. She asked if I think her fashion sense is dated. Guess what the present was? That's right, a caveman tunic! I can't make this shit up, I love this game so much <33

Look, all I'm saying is before you spend forty minutes reading a book, make sure it's the book you think you're reading