CFS' 90s-era internet den

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

age regressing to 2 years old but i was an especially erudite and articulate baby so you don't even notice

i've got the kind of eyebags that make people in movies say 'you look like hell, detective. go home.'

they teach you the golden rule, treat others how you want to be treated, but in a pinch you can apply the silver rule (be kinda selfish because you’ve earned it) or even the bronze rule (manipulate others purely for your benefit).

There's also the stone rule: Just start hitting people.

that’s right

getting lost in evil pervert fantasy warmly smiling and gently shutting my eyes in such a way that onlookers would assume I am reminiscing my favourite Christmas past

I'm sitting at the sink doing remote work while I wash dishes. Working from a stool and doing mundane things is the closest I've felt to myself in a while. Now all I need are my employees milling around and to be making an outgoing call to Mello that he won't answer, and I'll be quintessential Near Death Note™️.

Fell off the stool just a few minutes after posting this. Never mind the rest, now I'm quintessential Near Death Note.