𝒊'𝒎 𝒂𝒏 𝖎𝖙𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖆𝖓𝖔.

Private: I know that you're dealing with your pregnant girlfriend and everything. And I'm excited to be the coolest and best fucking aunt that's out there. The little one is going to know how to play the bass before they're one. But I'm making this about me for a moment cause I'm so fucking pissed off. And maybe I should have known better than to start hooking up with an ex again but I don't want to hear it, okay? Just let me rant. I can't fucking believe that Billie is out there talking about how good pussy tastes. When she went off at me for posting a photo of us together. And commenting on my posts asking if I'm single. Why is she like this? I'm leaving her on read. Like a mature adult. @ddavd

PRIVATE: first off, congrats on your future title as coolest aunt ever. i totally thought ethan had it in the bag, but you've got that title on lock. let's keep it on the down-low from chloe's sister though. our little dude may not become a bass prodigy but he's definitely gonna be the champion of complaining, between you and me as an example. go ahead and rant, v. i need to distract myself from the fact that a mini damiano is about to come into the world and i'm responsible for keeping him alive. honestly? billie's just a walking, talking clickbait headline at this point. ever considered she's doing it all for visibility? and that's so fucking lame. i endorse leaving her on read. it's the 21st-century version of "talk to the hand." but babe, i gotta ask, what do you really expect from her? you seem so fucking bothered, it makes me think you want more from her. and if that's the case, sorry, but you gotta be mature and have a conversation with her. that's my two cents. now, back to my own issues.

i thought that having some time off before the second leg of my tour would make me relax and take full advantage but instantly realizing that was wrong. i lasted long enough to get in a really amazing trip to ireland before the full blown antsy feeling kicked in so that's something at least. if anyone wants to drop their downtime hacks, i'm all ears. i'll even take what shows you're binging, too, since that's something i'll actually need once back on the road. there's only so much of the same 3 shows a girl can handle even if they are my comfort shows. @exposedfmstart

got too much free time and suddenly you're crawling up the walls, am i right? ireland sounds like the perfect getaway, though. did you stumble upon any leprechauns or at least score some kickass whiskey to smuggle back? when it comes to killing time without feeling like you're just killing time, i'm drawing a blank. usually, i stay in my hotel room being a total hermit until it's showtime or something. well, that's partly a lie because my girlfriend drags me out. if you haven't jumped into it yet, "severance" will mess with your mind and make you question your whole reality—perfect for those tour downtime moments when you need an escape. another gem is "barry." it's dark, it's hilarious, and strangely heartwarming. i mean, who doesn't wanna watch a hitman try to become an actor?

Ever been the subject of a reverse compliment? You know, something intended to be nice that's just kinda insulting in the process? Doing press for IF over the past couple of months, I wasn't surprised at the references made to A Quiet Place but I was a little startled by the reporter who felt it necessary to tell me that it was "good, but didn't scare [her] in the least." I mean, I always intended it as a story about family – even if not a family film – but she didn't at jump once at the monsters we worked so hard to perfect? Damn. Ever have a reaction to a project of yours that surprised you? If not, just tell me about your plans for tomorrow – if you have any. I'm personally looking forward to another colorful eight pack of socks from my girls. @exposedfmstart

the backhanded compliment, the gift that keeps on giving... guilt and confusion. it’s like when someone tells you, “you’re smarter than you look.” great, now i have to figure out exactly how dumb i apparently appear. but really, your reporter’s comment? classic. it’s like saying to a chef, “the meal was fantastic, didn’t make me sick at all.” thanks, i guess? as for me, i’ve had my fair share of eyebrow-raising feedback. once, i put together this elaborate dinner, really outdid myself. a guest told me, “this is amazing, i didn’t expect you to know how to cook!” i spent the rest of the evening wondering if my usual vibe screamed ‘survives on cereal and takeout’.

swear to vegas, it's the only damn place where you can go from a mind-blowing show to losing your dignity at a slot machine, and wrap it up with a 3 a.m. steak dinner—all within a few blocks. going solo in sin city? it's like being a kid in a sketchy candy store, where things are bizarrely adult and questionable at times. here's the deal: forget any hint of a plan. vegas is all about impulsive living. just stroll into any casino and get lost in the maze of slot machines and blackjack tables. feeling ballsy? throw a few bucks on red at the roulette wheel—remember, vegas wasn't built on winners, but you could be the freakin' exception. now, since you seem like the intellectual type (a book club in vegas, seriously?), you might wanna check out the neon museum. a few months back, i would've been 100% down to join you and more, but life's got other plans. maybe hit up a bar or something instead.

I need some new ideas for Cooking With Flo. Someone suggested taking an American dish and making a British version of it, but I'm not sure how different the dishes would be from each other. Another person suggested making recipes that are quick and easy, meaning someone who doesn't cook a lot could make it as well. I'm a bit stuck.

why not launch a series called 'lazy gourmet'? you could focus on dishes that require minimal effort but deliver maximum flavor—perfect for the culinarily challenged. think five-ingredient wonders or one-pot wonders. that way, even your viewers who can barely boil water could feel like gordon ramsay in disguise. plus, it’s always fun to watch someone try to make gourmet out of instant noodles and some random spices. i wouldn't necessarily eat that because i'm picky as fuck but i'd watch it.

I have a little bit of a break after finishing the filming of The Apprentice and now moving on to Thunderbolts. Nothing feels better than putting on my metal arm again and getting back to my Russian roots. But with that being said, the gym has never loved me more than now having to completely change your body so quickly. Anyways, that's what is going on with the wide world of Sebastian, what's going on with you?

dropping back into character must be tough⎯swinging from being a cutthroat entrepreneur to a metal-armed antihero. i don't have much to say except that you're cooler as bucky. if you ever need a sidekick for those intense gym sessions, i'm your man. might just stand there with a doughnut, moral support gotta count.

Private: It's getting kind of hard to hide everything now. There's only so many oversized sweaters I can wear before people start questioning everything. Especially in the hot as fuck summer. I'd love to come with you - better for your family to see me in person before going back to the States. It's been a lot to process but we're in this together, me and you and our little one whenever they make an appearance. Hopefully they are happy and don't end up hating me. But it'll be fine, right? I wish I could see you rock out on stage a little more than I'm going to. The girls when they get pulled up on stage like to be all over you. Still something that I'm not used to. Feel like I should get up there myself.

PRIVATE: maybe it's time to start a new fashion trend: summer parkas. you know, for those who want to sweat their secrets out. unless you do want to share the news the world. whatever you decide, i’m happy with. in that case, let's make it official to my family. i'll plan a lunch with my parents, brother, grandparents and every cousin, aunt and uncle from first to third grade. nah, just kidding. just my parents and jacopo. everyone else will find out when i bump into them. oh, and we should definitely break the news to my grandparents face-to-face. don’t worry too much about the little one. kids usually don’t start hating us until they hit teenage years, so we've got a solid decade of grace period. speaking of, can we find out the sex yet? i gotta know. and it'd give us the chance to think of a name. as for the girls on stage, let's just chalk that up to the hazards of the job. maybe we should get you a spotlight too.

The days are just longer winters. I don't know if they have summer over here. It's just like unicorns - nice in theory but nonexistent. I mean, the sun isn't setting until like 10pm, that's insanity to me. Maybe I'll pop out on stage in this outfit. Everyone will love it. I don't really drink when I'm working so I'll take all the coffees in the world. These shows are going to be the best that I can make them. Being back around these parts made me realize that I should tour here more often.

longer winters, huh? seems like you're just stuck on the wrong side of the world. what's the big deal with the sun setting at 10 pm? are you some kind of vampire or something? look at it from a different angle. it actually gives people more daylight to appreciate your killer stage outfits and performances. if all you're relying on is coffee while working, i'm surprised you haven't started grinding those coffee beans with your teeth yet. keep that energy up and your shows might just redefine what "caffeine-fueled performance art" means. touring more often? nah, that shit's exhausting as hell. maybe it's just your tiredness talking.

One of the most exciting (and funniest) things about getting ready to go on stage is hearing the crowd sing along to the pre-show playlist. Didn't realize so many others love Waterloo like I do, so I'm happy the fans love hearing it to get pumped up for the show.

nothing like a crowd of people belting out 'waterloo' to remind you that everyone’s got a little abba fanatic hidden inside. it’s the universal pre-game pump-up anthem, apparently. makes you wonder if you should just throw in a disco ball and go full eurovision for your show. keep that spirit alive, and who knows? maybe toss in a few sequins to your outfit to truly honor the vibe.

You would think that being summer — that Edinburgh would be warm, right? Nope. It’s cold as fuck. Here I am in a sweater and a scarf. Trying to keep warm. I forgot how the weather is in the UK in general year round can be. If you see me looking like that Michelin tyre boy mind your business. Despite my complaints I am ready to spend the rest of the month here. And I’m secretly hoping for a little more rain shows.

edinburgh, the city where summer is just a slightly less aggressive version of winter, right? honestly, dressing like the michelin man might be the smartest fashion choice you could make there. at least the constant chill gives you a perfect excuse to hop into every other cafe for a 'warm-up' coffee. or whisky, no judgement here. enjoy the rain shows—they’re probably the most consistent thing you’ll get in the UK and ireland.